Hey guys it’s Sam, and to help kick off the new year the WordPress.com stats helper monkeys (hey, they said it, not me) prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog. It really warmed my heart seeing all the people from around the world that got to see Sammwak, and the compliments it gave me concerning my views that are (matter of fact) way better than that Humanize widget. When we started off the year, I had approximately 40,000 or so views. Now going into 2013, we’re at nearly 100,000 hits!!! I just want to say thank you for all the time you’ve spent reading my posts, liking them, sending humorous or heartfelt or rather solemn comments my way, and coming back next time for more awesomeness courtesy of…you know. I remember back in 2010 when I first founded this blog, when I was putting up awkward recommendations and over-the-top rants without really knowing what I was doing and who would see them. Now, I’ve grown as both a person and a writer, keeping things more organized and trademark as of randomly letting the cat out of the bag. Now twelve of you people watching and reading this have loved my work enough to become official subscribers to Sammwak, and although it may not be a lot to you, to me it seems like half a million subs. Again, I want to say thank you for the blast I had this year, and wait till you see what laughs, reviews, recommendations, and news I have simmering in the griddle to serve in 2013!
Here’s a heartwarming excerpt of my WordPress summary:
4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 43,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 10 Film Festivals.
Videos of the New Year: Google+ has gotten me in touch with tons of new friends. One of those friends (whom’s identity I shan’t reveal) is one of the five owners of a G+ community dedicated to the web series Bravest Warriors. (I’ll explain that more in a few minutes.) At first I was skeptical, because I’d seen lots of Bravest Warriors videos at the top slot where only “featured videos” go, and thought it was just another overrated animated comedy series. But the same guy that enticed me towards that series also brought me to this mind-blowing video centric to one of Minecraft‘s greatest legends: Herobrine. Now, Herobrine is practically the Slender Man of the Minecraft world–they’re both Creepypasta myths, they put the “creepy” in “Creepypasta”, and tons of people have put up supposedly real sightings of them. But this video shows that Herobrine actually isn’t that bad of a guy, but when you add zombies, skeletons, spiders, and an Enderman into the mix, Herobrine actually shows that he is pretty heroic and rather bossfor a Creepypasta myth. YouTube user dillongoo has made a mind-blowing fight scene that’s already gotten 2.7 million hits since last September. It is…”Gods Don’t Bleed”.
And as for Bravest Warriors, lemme explain that for you a bit more. Pendleton “Pen” Ward began his interest in animation at an early age drawing flipbooks throughout the first grade, and turned his passion for animation into his time at CalArts, plus the now-defunct webcomic Bueno the Bear. Pen then took his CalArts experience and his work as a storyboard artist on Flapjack and wove it into an animated short which debuted in 2007 and then again in 2008 as part of Random! Cartoons. That short became the unofficial pilot for what would go on to become one of the industry’s greatest and most notorious animated shows: Adventure Time.
Just last year, Pen took all that he had learned from Adventure Time from animation to absurdity and created a web series that was sheltered on a channel featuring cartoons “too weird, wild, and crazy for television.” The web series was obviously Bravest Warriors, and currently all six episodes within the show’s first season that have been released have gained 4.5 million hits. Check out the Bravest Warriors series premiere, “Time Slime”, right here. If you’re hungry for more, check out the CartoonHangover channel.
WARNING: Several censored middle fingers and the word “pissed” lie within this video. Watch with caution.
p.s. Did you know that while at CalArts, Pen Ward actually met and became close friends with JG Quintel? As a Flapjack storyboard artist Pen and JG had worked together, and JG went on to create his own famous animated show, Regular Show, which is both awkwardly and ironically Adventure Time‘s biggest competitor.
I know, I know. Our third case of déjà vu. But seriously, when it comes to the compact disc age Mordo & Rigs have got their hands full. But two Tuesdays ago, the park came out with their biggest DVD yet. A title that put even their Slack Pack to shame. Cartoon Network and Warner Home Video have come together to bring us the biggest, baddest, brutal-est, and bombastic-est moments of their third season. Ironic, considering this is their second DVD yet. But now they have sixteen episodes compared to their last DVD’s twelve, and it’s got an even special-er special feature than that lame special feature short! Ladies and gents, I give you the park’s latest creation–The Best DVD In The World* (*At This Moment In Time). Let’s take a look, as we always do in this scenario, at the episodes this DVD has to offer!
“Slam Dunk” – When Mordo gets a call from Margaret requesting for him to create a website for her, he is mortified to realize that Muscle Man & Fives already have the computer reserved, despite not even using it and instead playing basketball outside. So the four end up in a two-on-two basketball match–winner gets a week of computer rights. When they fail miserably, Mordo angrily kicks the basketball and says that basketball sucks. At this very moment, the God of Basketball arrives from the sky and offers to teach the two how to become real naturals at the sport. Moments later the God is horrified when he sees how bad Mordo & Rigs truly are, so he decides to sweeten the deal by giving them his powers. After Mordo and Rigs effortlessly beat Muscle Man & Fives at a game–by now the reservation has been extended to two months–they concoct a plan where Fives fakes an injury. Since Muscle Man’s only teammate is “hurt”, he chooses the God himself to substitute–and even worse, the God grants him his powers as well…
“Cool Bikes” – When Benson confiscates the golf cart from Mordo & Rigs and replaces it with two manual bikes, they strike a deal with him. The deal went like this: if Benson admitted they were cool, he had to give the cart back. After re-designing the bikes and getting new digs at Das Coolest, they are still unsuccessful with Benson. After Benson confronting them again in the middle of a whole circle of people, Mordo & Rigs finally crack and tell Benson that they don’t care what he thinks. At this point, Mordo & Rigs are taken to a space shuttle which highly resembles the Death Star with shades, having been arrested for “being too cool”…
“The Best Burger In The World” – When Mordo, Rigs, Muscle Man, Fives, Skips, and Pops are at the house’s front steps excitedly discussing the forthcoming arrival of the Grill Em’ Up truck–home of the Ulti-Meatum, “the best burger in the world”–Mordo and Rigs’ chances are smashed like a beef cattle when they realize they have a hunch of unfinished work to do from the previous week. Benson sets the stakes even higher when he says that the two cannot even think about getting their Ulti-Meatums until their work was done. Worse yet, they must suffer watching their colleagues pig out on their burgers–oh, and if you want to know what an Ulti-Meatum is made out of, here we go. It’s a cheeseburger, stuffed inside a cheeseburger, with two deep-fried cheeseburgers as buns. So it’s basically a triple cheeseburger, plus the added Himalayan ketchup. (If you ask for it Idaho-style, a whole bag of potato chips is added.) At Skips’ garage which the two are cleaning out, they uncover the Hologram 9000. This is a machine that can turn anyone’s image into a hologram, even with realism settings! With the truck’s final call for burgers on the line, they make their holograms, set up the trick, and go order their Ulti-Meatums. Unfortunately, the holograms come to life with minds of their own…
“More Smarter” – Mordecai believes he was smarter than Rigby ever since he became a dropout at his high school, and not becoming a recipient of his diploma in the process. His lack of high school wisdom is really exemplified when he fails to calculate a math problem involving the enclosure for the park’s turtles. After unsuccessfully returning to high school–only falling asleep and engaging in a dream sequence where he graduated–he tries to get his diploma online, where he stumbles across an ad for an intelligence-boosting drink. He takes the formula and defies its rules by ingesting more than the prescribed amount, and indeed becomes smarter. When Mordo takes the same drink, he becomes as smart as Rigs, leading to a fight to determine who is “more smarter”…
“Rap It Up” – Mordo & Rigs are spectating as the famed rap group CrewCrew drop hot rhymes in rap battles at the park snack bar. Pops shows up, accidentally rendering the rap as poetry, and only gets called a “loser” when he tries to recite some of his own. This agitates him and leads him to challenge CrewCrew to a rap battle, but Mordo & Rigs take him under their–lemme rephrase, they shove him under their wing due to Pops’ lack of knowledge on rapping. When they attempt to practice, Pops drops out of the battle due to “the rude nature” of rap, and how Rigby defined rap to him. Everything starts going downhill when Pops buys matching poetry suits for him, Mordo, and Rigs, and despite initially quitting they take Skips’ advice and attend the battle. This is where it is shown that poetry really is a strong opponent towards rap, despite being its polar opposite…
“Weekend at Benson’s” – This is a major example of how the biggest situations can occur out of the smallest scenarios at the park. When Benson requests that Mordo & Rigs hold the ladder for him as he goes to change the lightbulb on a park lamppost, but an argument between the two over who was annoying him causes the ladder to fall–taking Benson with it. His impact with the ground actually knocks him out cold, and a now panicked pair decide to conceal Benson’s closed eyes with a pair of sunglasses and continue the day using Benson like a puppet. They manage to have a successful conversation with Muscle Man by positioning his arms into different gestures, and just as they are about to take him to his apartment room one of his neighbors–Audrey–shows up. Apparently Benson had made a deal with Audrey to attend her party, and despite initial rejection they refuse to accept the disappointment on Audrey’s face and go anyway. When Audrey’s boyfriend Chuck aka “The Iron Stomach”–which is accentuated by the “FE” on his shirt, FE resembling iron on the periodic table–begins hassling Benson, Mordecai manages to make Benson knock Chuck’s water out of his hands. This leads to an intense eating contest centric to every hot food you can think of, and remember folks–this is against a guy nicknamed the Iron Stomach…
“Camping Can Be Cool” – At the coffee shop, Mordo & Rigs are watching the weather channel at the coffee shop, which dictates that the weekend will have plenty of nice sunlight. When Eileen questions the two’s concern over the weather, it is shown that they are actually planning for a weekend camping trip. Shockingly, Margaret has never been on a camping trip, so Mordo happily invites the two on the trip which infuriates Rigs. After a musical montage of a car ride, they arrive at National Forest where Mordo rebelliously directs them to a restricted area of the forest. After various fun and rather typical camping activities–and another musical montage–they are caught by a park ranger. And to make things go from bad to worse, Margaret accidentally left her keys in ignition inside the car. And to make things go from worse to even worse, they come across a horrifying monster lurking in the woods…
“Trash Boat” – While watching a band-centric show, a rock star named The Urge is asked how he got his name. He answers that he merely conglomerated two random words, and Rigs wishes to change his name in the exact same manner. When he sees a pile of trash and a picture of a boat, he settles on his new name: “Trash Boat”. But Mordo’s teases are no match for him, as he actually bears his name change certificate to being “Trash Boat”. When Rig–sorry, Trash Boat realizes he needs fifty bucks to switch his name back, he only becomes the laughingstock of the park when he attempts to find extra work. When he gets fed up with the mockery, especially when Benson forces him to wear a name tag, he proceeds to hide in an alley and cry. At this moment, the obese and bald Urge shows up via portal, wanting to eliminate Trash Boat due to stealing the fame and absurdity of his name…
“Butt Dial” – After a game night with Marge and Eileen, a elation-stricken Mordecai doesn’t even care when Rigby plays with the buttons of his phone. The feeling rots like an abandoned apple when he realizes that he had butt dialed Marge a voicemail–more specifically, a self-sung love song called “Having A Good Time”–and sent it to her while taking out the trash in the golf cart. Mordo and Rigs then engage in a typical find-the-phone-and-erase-the-message mission to prevent Mordo from hitting ultimate humiliation. The first leg of the mission occurs at–not surprisingly–the coffee shop, where Mordo ends up knocking Marge’s phone out of her hands when she sees a new message and into a cup of coffee. When this turns out to be Eileen’s phone, Marge gives Mordo and Rigs the ability to search in her car for the phone. When they realize she had left it at the house with Pops during game night, they rush back home. After three failures of trying to unlock her passcode, they are transported to the Phone Guardians who plan to “erase” the pair for hacking into Marge’s phone…
“Think Positive” – When Pops decides to play with the childish side of him by catching butterflies, drawing, and playing with toys, his elation is frequently hindered by Benson yelling at Mordo and Rigs. When Benson’s yelling pushes Pops to dangling at the end of his rope, he makes Benson never yell again or face being fired. Ironic, considering he’s the boss. Anyway, Mordo & Rigs push themselves to do wild and mischievous activities without Benson’s yelling threatening them, rendering Benson almost powerless in stopping them. After unsuccessfully trying to control his temper, he relies on the Internet, anger management tapes, and other things to keep his cool, but none work. While hearing a tape, Benson–along with all of us–realizes why he began yelling in the first place: he was encouraged to as a kid by his family. But when Mordo & Rigs crash a cart into a tree, Benson reaches his boiling point, where he begins fuming as much as his gumballs and stores all his anger in a way that begins slowly absorbing the park…
“Video Game Wizards” – After a gaming session, Mordo & Rigs come across a commercial for the Maximum Glove–the Reg Show world’s spoof of the Nintendo Power Glove–that will be the grand prize of the Game Inferno Tournament at the Ferguson Convention Center. (Yes, when I say Ferguson, I do mean GBF.) When Rigs gets suspicious about Mordo’s lack of enthusiasm for the tournament, he realizes why moments later–Mordo had already chosen Skips to be his partner. A crushed Rigs dolefully decides to tag along with the two on their trip, aggressively and repeatedly bombing Mordo for his decision. He even went so far make a mix-tape song (called “Never Pick Their Friends”) that epitomizes Rigs’ statements. On day one of the tournament, Mordo is nice enough to put Rigs down as the alternate during their registration, but Rigs is infuriated from this and starts a fight between the two in the middle of the convention center. The quarrel ultimately ends in Rigs storming away after having uttered a sentence I don’t think I’ll ever forget: “I hope you have as much fun winning the glove as you did losing your best friend.” After this blow to Mordo’s self-esteem, they proceed to make their way through the tournament until they reach the tournament finals, where he finally realizes that the Maximum Glove wasn’t as important as their friendship…
“Skips vs. Technology” – Now, before I even explain the premise of the episode, I’ll have you know something about Skips: he was granted immortality, is exactly 6’1″, and claims to know many things to those of the unknown–or as he sometimes calls it, “everything.” But in this episode, we realize that this is all a little white lie, because there’s one thing Skips is terrible at–working anything in the criteria of a computer. Actually, we learn a lot about Skips in this episode–he’s been helping at the park since it was a Revolutionary War battlefield in the 1700s, for instance. But when Mordo and Rigs come across an “error 219″ while designing and printing something, Skips unsuccessfully attempts to help and only makes the error worse. Skips refuses to believe that he cannot fix everything, and after learning about fixing the error–and pretty much using a computer–he returns only to find the error growing bigger. It is now an “error 220″ after Mordo and Rigs tried to fix it, and he finds little to no guidance or help from the rude youths at the computer help zone. The youths decide to have a lunch break and call Techmo to help Skips. But we see that ever since the Revolutionary times where Skips had fixed Techmo’s–or should I call him by his original name, Samson’s–prosthetic arm, he’s gotten his old wooden one changed to a robotic one and landed a job as a computer master aka “technomancer”. After Techmo’s unsuccessful error-220 lesson, it is shown that the error 200 is actually a virus named Doom Ma Geddon. Like a real medical virus, Doom Ma Geddon infects Techmo in a possession fashion, turning him in a malevolent, sinister beast that digitizes everything he touches…
“Eggscellent” – (This episode won the 2012 Primetime Emmy Award for Short-Format Animated Program!) While watching a rather generic action show which consists of basically lots of vehicle flipping, Mordo and Rigs come across a commercial for an eating challenge. The challenge is a twelve-egg omelet, and whomever eats the entire thing–plus two dinner rolls and a bowl of fruit–will win a trucker hat that declares them “eggscellent”, hence the episode’s name. Rigs quickly gets obsessed with the hat while Mordo thinks it is lame, but he gets dragged into trying out the big omelet anyway. Even when a waiter warns him of the omelet and asks him to try another entree, Rigs is dead set on completing the challenge–and nearly dies for real when he gets a gnarly allergic reaction. Mordo makes a promise to Rigs that he would get the hat, just before Rigs falls into a coma from the reaction. After letting out a majority of his anger on Benson, he realizes that the hat is not for regular sale and fails his first try at the challenge. At the hospital Rigs is at, Benson presents Mordo with the journal of Johnathan Kimble, a former park worker that had tried the Eggscellent Challenge in the same way Mordo is now. He had concocted a plan to make eating the food easier, such as crushing the eggs, crumbling the rolls, and mixing them into a glass of water that came with the omelet. Unfortunately, he was never seen again after this. The next time Mordo tries the omelet, now having trained himself in Kimble’s ways, the waiters are astonished at his skill in eating the omelet. In fact, rather jealous to the point where they try to thwart him…
“Muscle Mentor” – When Rigs and Mordo argue about whether or not they should have a coffee, Rigs brings up one of his rebellious statements at how Benson never pays attention to what they do. Unfortunately, he chose the wrong time to be a rebel–Benson was right behind him, overhearing the entire conversation. Right there on the spot, Rigs is fired, but manages to get another chance due to not being able to do work from a lack of proper training. So Rigs is assigned to have a mentor–unfortunately, that mentor is Muscle Man. Even worse, he is literally on him at all times with Muscle’s trusty mentoring harness. Rigs must complete a shift of work worth eight hours of effort, and if he cannot he is automatically fired. If Rigs cannot take the work, or Muscle feels like Rigs is gradually unable to, he pulls the red cord that literally confirms Rigs being booted from the park roster. He must also work under Muscle’s three rules:
Forget the first two rules, never quit.
Although Rigs manages to complete his shift, the real trouble starts unfolding post-shift, where Rigs finally reaches his boiling point with ole Muscle…
“Fists of Justice” – While Mordo and Rigs are playing a video game, they are unexpectedly approached by Skips. Turns out that for his birthday six months ago, the two had pitched in to create a coupon that cashed in a day of Skips’ work to the two. And if his chores weren’t finished, the world would come to an end. They manage to get everything done except moving Skips’ humongous harpsichord, which gets stuck in the front door and–with the harpsichord acting as a fire hazard–the two call Skips. Skips’ meditating session is halted by the call, and although he accepts the offer he eventually gets his fingers crushed by the harspichord’s lid. Before he can explain why he was gone, Gary–remember, the Guardians of Eternal Youth’s messenger–picks him up to fight Klorgbane the Destroyer. They decide to hitch a ride on Gary’s El Camino due to their worry for Skips, and–for not the first time on the show–they wind up at the Guardians’ palace. With Skips’ broken fingers being worthless against Klorgbane, and when he is defeated his colleagues pitch in and request for the Guardians to grant them the Fists of Justice…(So yeah, basically call it “Free Cake 2″.)
“Trucker Hall of Fame” – (This episode was the show’s first official Father’s Day special.) When Muscle Man attempts to wish his father a happy Father’s Day to his dad through his trucker radio in his trailer, he is visited by his brother John whom silently informs his brother on his father’s death by presenting his trucker hat. Later at the funeral, where Muscle Man flips out after stating the cause of “Muscle Dad”‘s demise–putting a cactus under a cop in a bear suit, whom turned out to be a live bear–he manages to keep his cool and announces that for “the ultimate Father’s Day tribute”, he would take an urn of his dad’s cremated remains to the Trucker Hall of Fame. Y’know, where they’d be spread and all. Benson requests for Mordo and Rigs to accompany Muscle on his trip–since Fives didn’t do good with deaths–and on the road he flips for the second time, after one of the knobs on his radio breaks. When he eventually makes a bathroom stop, the three uncover a heartbreaking realization–Muscle Dad, “the best trucker in the world”, isn’t even a trucker at all. He had simply posed in one of those put-your-face-here pictures, which is shocking considering the picture even got his green skin tone perfect. When Muscle Man breaks a picture of his father, he finds a note inside–written by Muscle Dad himself–apologizing for lying to him after all these years. Despite this, they continue their trip to the Hall of Fame, they are stopped by a pair of guards as menacing as the pack of ghastly trucker spirits they encounter…
Oh, that was everything. And by the way, the special feature of this DVD is merely a collection of employee profiles. Better than Slack Pack‘s special feature short, at least. Anyway, the DVD is out right now, so you can save up your money and go see/reminisce the most highlighted moments of the show’s third season!
Stay classy, America,
Video of the Week: To pretty much summarize everything I went over today, I decided to put up this five-minute video from hottopic. It’s an interview with the show’s creator, JG Quintel. That’s short for James Garland Quintel, I’ll have you know. And it’s not “quin-till” or “quin-tull”, it’s “quin-tell”. It’s like the proper pronunciation of “Samus” these days–how do these people come up with such differing versions? Anyway, in the interview JG goes over juicy details like how he got his start in cartooning, the one show he loved as a kid, how the show’s characters actually debuted (not just on the show), why he chose animal characters over human characters, and what makes these unique characters rather normal people. It got put up back in September, and so far it’s gotten almost 73,000 hits with almost 5,000 likes! Lemme show you some of the praise this video–plus JG and Reg Show itself–received in the comments:
“my dad digs regular show and he is 53 years old” - abunzamobi
“U know who else likes regular show and Cartoon Network? My mom!!!!!! XD” - anniedr21
“Its a good show you should give it a try, and if you don’t like it, thats cool, not my problem, but it is really funny” - Colleen Hand
“It’s so weird to hear Mordecai’s exact voice coming out of an unanimated person” - thefailguy12
From 0:00-1:33 in the video, JG is shown behind a collection of encased plastic figures resembling Cartoon Network characters. How many can you name?
Throughout the whole video, clips from Reg Show episodes are shown. Can you name all the episodes?
JG actually provides the voice for one of the park workers on the show. Who is that worker?
Oh and by the way, happy Thanksgiving. What do you expect to do to celebrate the one day a year where it’s actually somewhat mandatory to eat to your belly’s content?
And here’s some Thanksgiving facts for you:
Did you know that Thanksgiving has been an official holiday since 1863, when Abraham Lincoln (whom was President by then) had declared a day of “thanksgiving of praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens”.
Did you know that Thanksgiving is on different dates in different countries? The American version is on the fourth Thursday of every November, the Canadian version is on the second Monday of every October, the Liberian version is on the first Thursday of every November, and the Norfolk Island version is on the final Wednesday of every November.
Did you know that when the Pilgrims first celebrated Thanksgiving, they ate with only spoons, knives, and fingers? Yep, no forks.
Did you know that Ben Franklin had wanted the turkey to be our national bird instead of the bald eagle?
Did you know that magazine editor Sarah Hale had convinced Lincoln to create Thanksgiving?
Did you know that Hale was also the author behind “Mary Had A Little Lamb”?
Did you know that in America almost 300 million turkeys are sold for Thanksgiving occasions?
Did you know that America’s largest turkey-consuming state is California?
Did you know that a turkey has more protein than both chicken and beef?
Did you know that only male turkeys gobble, while females (aka “hens”) cluck?
Did you know that turkeys have heart attacks, as shown when turkeys within the range of the US Air Force’s sound barrier fracture died from heart attacks?
Here’s to a day of feasting. Gobble, gobble, gobble.
“Hey guys it’s Sam.” If you’re a regular tuner-inner to my regular blogs at WordPress, Sammwak and 2Sam2Mwak, you may hear that as the opening to almost every one of my posts. And I guess you’re gonna be hearing it some more…because Sammwak is getting another companion, but this time it’s branching off of WordPress to Blogger! And we all know three is an amazing number…
The blog is called Sammwak the 3rd, and if you want to, you can check out the blog right now, see what’s going on in the “beta mode” of it. I’ll be putting up posts respectively every to every other Wednesday. But for now, you can go subscribe and +1 to make sure you’ll be ready when the first post comes out! Thank you.
p.s. Would you rather be able to foretell the future or look into the past?
Hey guys it’s Sam, and I have some super juicy news to tell you. News that’ll make your day. News that’ll turn your life upside down. News that’ll…ah, you get the point. If you’re a fan of Scholastic-published graphic novel sagas like Magic Pickle or Knights of the Lunch Table, you’ve probably heard about Bone, the big boss of them all. Created by Jeff Smith in 1991 and alive until 2004 (with re-colored re-releases going from 2005 to 2009), and despite the fact that it lasted for only nine books, Bone is still a great ripple into the lake of Scholastic graphic novels, and it’s also a ten-time Eisner Award winner (like Oscars, but for comics). And you know how books get turned into movies way too frequently (Ramona and Beezus, Charlotte’s Web, Judy Moody, etc.)? Same thing’s happening to Bone, and brother/sister, my—and maybe your—dreams have been answered.
U like? Those were self-made Bone movie posters, son. And while the template for actual posters is to be determined (although you could consider mine, you have 100% permission, but give me credit and 5% of the total gross), the concept for a Bone movie has literally been around since the 90s, when Bone was just reaching its heyday. Back then, Nick Movies was the first to develop the idea and take action, but the rights were just recently claimed by Warner Bros. in ’08 (which explains the “a WARNER BROS production” label on my posters). And now, the studio’s finally moving forward with their great idea. Patrick Sean Smith, the man who created the recently-ended ABC Family show Greek, has been officially hired to adapt the script for P.J. Hogan (Muriel’s Wedding, My Best Friend’s Wedding, and 2003′s Peter Pan). If you don’t already know the story that has captivated millions, here it is: three Bone cousins, Fone, Phoney (real name: Phoncible), and Smiley have been exiled from their hometown of Boneville. Therefore, they embark in a series of wild fantasy adventures including rat creatures, “stick-eaters”, and a creepy hooded guy known and feared through the village as “the Hooded One” (basically, he’s Voldemort, Bone edition).
Although the format of the movie hasn’t been confirmed (if it isn’t animated like I want it to be.. >:-/), Mr. Hogan will be directing the movie at Animal Logic, home of animated movies like Happy Feet and Happy Feet 2, and The Guardians of Ga’Hoole. This will most likely make the discussion come to a final conclusion that Bone will be a CGI animated film like I want it to be. The catch is, Animal Logic is an Australian company. So you know what that means—either Bone: The Movie will simply be Australian-American, or Bone is going to be a foreign movie. And if it’s gonna be a foreign movie, then that’s at least a month of my life wasted on anticipation. If you want to know how I want Bone to be structured, then here you go:
THE WAY I WANT BONE: THE MOVIE TO BE MADE
Start off your first movie built after the first book, so it would be literally called Bone: Out from Boneville. If that does good (or if you simply want to, because Resident Evil‘s been going down critically but going up financially), then keep making movies until you make one for all 9 books. It’s hard trying to cram everything into one movie, and the Bone faithful will be really disappointed if their favorite series is only interpreted in one movie.
Make the movie as kid-friendly as the first Harry Potter movie…it wasn’t! That movie had giant trolls, 3-headed dogs, ghosts, and other crazy stuff. (It’s an astonishment that Harry Potter had PG ratings for the first 3 movies, including the 6th one later on.) Not that I’m saying that any of that was in the first Bone book, but you know what I mean. Have your fair share of kiddie and also non-kiddie in the movie, because if you take it too far, the makers will set the movie up for a PG-13 rating. And that’s a real bummer in the summer, because most of the Bone faithful I know are preteens. With every proceeding movie, make the series take more darker turns until literally, the MPAA has to give it a PG-13 rating. At least do what director Mike Newell did: save all the intensity for the fourth movie.
If you’re gonna make the movie CGI, at least give it some good CGI visuals. The last thing I want is for Bone to end up looking like this when it hits the big screen:
Make the visuals rope the person in, because that’s how people usually want to watch movies/play video games/watch TV shows, or else the concept of Bone: The Movie will be a bust before it even releases. Don’t make the entire movie make viewers assume it was brought to us using 3DS Max, Maya (pronounced mie-yuh), Photoshop, and After Effects. Well…
4. Make voice acting reasonable. Thankfully I haven’t heard much of the three lead Bone stars being portrayed by the voices of child actors. Make the voicing reasonably acceptable, because this is what my brother told me: if you can’t make chemistry with the main character, it’s guaranteed that you’re not gonna like the entire work, because people focus the most on the main character. Mass Effect wouldn’t be the same without Commander Shepard, nor would Double Dragon be the same without Billy and Jimmy Lee. And for this, all I have to say is: don’t make the voicing annoying, but just a little grating, perhaps. Not like I’ve worked in film…unless you count school plays as film.
5. Stay true to what’s in the book. I know, this probably should’ve been #1, but hey. If you’re not gonna stick to what’s in the book, then you might as well scrap the idea of a Bone movie right now. Film adaptations are executed solely for sticking to what’s in the book. The movie Bridge to Terabithia gave us everything from the book, but in movie form. That’s actually bad, because you might as well leave some free space for audiences to find surprises and/or discoveries that they didn’t read in the book. This was the problem with about the 1st and 2nd Potter movies, simply said. You don’t want too much surprises, nor do you want too little. You want the perfect amount of discoveries while still staying truthful to the Bone tale.
6. Make sure you’ve even read the darn book yourself. No explanation necessary here.
Well, that’s all for now. I gotta go get some shut-eye, or whatever people call sleeping these days. But before you go, one last question: Are you excited for this entire plan at all?
Hey, it’s Sam. And yes, title says all, it’s finally here. You’ve waited through snow, rain, and sunshine to get it. You’ve literally been on the streets crying for this book. And here it is. Ladies and gentlemen and wimpy kids everywhere…I give you, Cabin Fever.
The sixth and upcoming novel in Kinney’s phenomenal series, the spirits in the sky have brought not a pillow, or a sheet, but a blanket…a blanket of snow! In our next look at the house on Surrey Street, this Thanksgiving the subsidiary of Abrams is back to present the next wimpy adventure. The sky spirits may have brought a blanket too big of snow, because the Heffleys are snowed in via a blizzard! So Greg gets claustrophobic having to deal with family.
NO. OF PAGES? 224
RELEASE DATE? November 15
PUBLISHER? Amulet Books
MEDIA TYPE? Paperback and hardcover
OFFICIAL ROWLEY APPEARANCE? Not exactly
Making its unofficial announced debut in the previous book as “more Diary of a Wimpy Kid“, then being mentioned once more as “Diary of a Wimpy Kid 6“, the big announcement was actually in the summer; June 16, to be exact. Barnes & Noble are already hosting pre-orders for a big buster of $8.37, with Amazon hosting their own pre-orders for the same big price. Did I mention that an audiobook is being released when the book is?
And here is the big achievement Cabin Fever received–the next book to get a 6-million copy first-printing, the biggest printing to date! (According to Publishers Weekly) And Abrams, as part of its marketing push for the novel, plans to do six summer events (each of them a “snowball”), and it will continue to be promoted throughout this month by mailing promo materials to book retailers and librarians!
MORE THAT IS WIMPY
Did you read the Wimpy Kid Movie Diary as a tie-in to the first movie? Well, they’re making an updated second one, with the feats from the first movie, but the info on how the second one unfolded, such as with new illustrations, and more Rodrick Rules stills. And do you know that the DIY (do-it-yourself) book is getting an extended edition? With sixty more pages and sixteen new colored comics! RAD! Or, should I say, WIMPY!
And you know the surprise hits of the first two movies of the DOAWK series, right? Well, it’s been certified that a third one (The Last Straw) has begun filming this month! The destination is unknown (the highest guess is Vancouver), but the director (David Bowers, from movie two. Bowers, not Bowie or Bowser.) has been announced, and the first notification came from Rodrick (Devon Bostick) and his quote that it was “90% sure it [would] happen.” The announcement became certified by Greg (Zach Gordon) on his Facebook. Rumor has it that the movie will have a formula of scenes from book three, and a pinch from book four. Script writers and producers and planning on scripting, and they said that they need an Alex Aruda, who is rumored to be in movie three.
So, this Thanksgiving, be thankful for the sixth novel of the series! The wimpy adventure begins November 15, and forever be wimpy! And you know what else is wimpy? Today’s question, which comes from Fick on Facebrook. “If DOAWK had a game, what company would you accept it from, what rating would you gave it, and on what console would you play it?”
…This should be good. So, tell me: if the series got a game, what company would you play it from, what console would you play it on, and what ESRB rating would you give it?
MS Paint really comes in handy, doesn't it?
Leave your responses in the comment section below or above, or on GMail (smwakasisi@gmail) or Skype! (sam.mwakasisi) If you’re a blogger here at WordPress, please like this post, and thanks for reading today’s entry in Sammwak.
p.s. What’s that? Is that the sound of everyone not checking out My Life As Fick? I think it is! I finally released a new post, but no one’s been there to check it out! See it at mylifeasfick.wordpress.com, and vote for what Fick should do to get some cash!
OMG, I have a great breakthrough to announce! Sammwak has finally made it to over thirty thousand hits since April 2010! I thank every viewer out there for the support and time put into reading my blog, inside and out, and I especially thank my family and closest friends for endless courage and motivation. Without all of y’all, there would be no Sammwak. And you’ve been there for me so much, I’ve decided to give you a special treat.
Will you remember where you were the day my blog hit 30,000 hits? At a restaurant, getting chow? At the arcade, dominating at Pac-Man? Or plain at home, watching TV on a couch with a bag of potato chips? And I’m very, very, very excited to announce something that will change Sammwak forever! Better than fried chicken and ketchup! Better than chicken nuggets and honey!…I’m launching a second blog!
That’s right. A new blog will be launching, and it’s called My Life As Fick! It depicts the life of home school student Ficklesberg D. “Fick” Bananabrains (the D stands for Dimwit), 10 years old, as he makes entries in his “diary” from his own perspective, tracked on the blog as posts. When he needs to make a tough decision, it’s your decision to vote for the answer with polls! He has a Dalmatian named Buster, who lives his own cool life driving his Ferrari to his doghouse. Read Fick’s misadventures as he deals with friendship, love, betrayal, and more on his new blog! Check out the big premiere on July 1!
Check out Fick at mylifeasfick.wordpress.com! If you’re ever looking for a one-stop shop for hazardously hilarious humor, Fick’s blog is the place to go! The early blog catches the laughs! A patriotic July debut that will independently change the face of WordPress forever.
Hey guys it’s Sam, and as you should know, I provide lots of YouTube videos here. And I also like scavenging randomly and absentmindedly on other videos. People make plenty of crazy videos on YouTube, many supported by some famous whatchamacallits: the green/blue screen chroma key, a huge whatchamacallit in the entertainment industry, making you appear someplace like the Oval Office without actually going there, and Adobe After Effects, the biggest whatchamacallit for surreal moments like bullet hits or explosions. Well, YouTube is mostly not only for celebrity gossiping, but for people’s entertainment. And they have reached that milestone greatly. That’s why I’m launching a new segment on Sammwak based on the cool videos I find on everyday YouTube. In our pilot, you remember the 5.3 million hit-wonder of Justin Bieber getting smacked upside the head with that “water bottle”, right?
Well, some YouTuber named BartBaKer took that footage, and Autotuned it into a remixed song! It’s only gotten past 4.2 million views with over 25,000 likes, but I think it should go higher. Can we make that happen?
Like the videos? Then like this post down below, please! (d^_^b)
And don’t forget to check back for more YouTube Treasures on Sammwak! Want one of your top ROFLCopter videos (ones that make you ROFL) on my next post? Comment me your suggestions, and you could be responsible for the next YouTube Treasure!
p.s. Justin Bieber was never hit with a water bottle at all. That “bottle” was actually a bag of Sour Patch Kids, and a T-shirt wrapped in Christmas paper, according to BartBaKer.
p.p.s. Happy Father’s Day to any daddy out there reading this! Baba siku ya furaha! (Swahili) Feliz dia del padre! (Spanish) Padre felice del giorno! (Italian) Heureux père de jour! (French) May YouTube bless you and shine upon you every day you live, and give you peace. Amen.
p.p.s.s. The post isn’t over yet. Since these pesky videos wouldn’t cooperate with me up there, let alone in a whole group, I’m gonna have to put one down here. These were made by the channel FunnyOrDie (I have a microscopic knowledge of them.) and they might be the feature of the show! Today, Bieber stars in the best five seconds of the world, which sparked more than 6 million views and 10,000 likes!
Hey guys it’s Sam, and after an experience with my brother’s iPhone last night, I took a look at the list of achievements, and got a little inspired. Like a literal light bulb was lit over my head. And I’m here today to share that idea, inspiration, or “light bulb” with you today! No, despite the title, it is not another look iNSiDE the iPhone. (but stay tuned for those on Sammwak! :D) It’s something even better…a whole list of achievements for the brain-munching iPhone version of Plants vs. Zombies to not only feed on the taste of success, but on more blogger points! If you don’t have an iPhone, then…pffff….just invest in $428.00!
boldfaced – ones from the real iPhone version
Note: Not all of the achievements. And sprinkled with the Sam Mwakasisi Loves This (SMLT) seal of approval!
Home Lawn Security – Complete adventure mode. (30 BP)
Spudow! – Blow up a zombie using a Potato Mine. (5 BP)
Explodonator – Blow up ten zombies with a single Cherry Bomb. (15 BP)
Morticulturalist/Master of Morticulture – Collect all forty-nine types of plants (including those from Crazy Dave’s Twiddydinkies). (25 BP)
Don’t Pea in the Pool – Complete a daytime pool level without using Peashooters of any kind. (20 BP)
Roll Some Heads – Bowl over five zombies with a single Wallnut in Wallnut Bowling. (20 BP)
Grounded - Complete a normal roof level without using any Catapult plants. (25 BP)
Zombologist – Discover the Zombie Yeti. (15 BP)
Penny Pincher – Collect thirty coins in a single level without letting one disappear. (18 BP)
Popcorn Party – Defeat two Gargantuars with Corn Cob Missiles in a single level. (22 BP)
Good Morning – Complete a daytime level planting only Mushrooms and Coffee Beans. (20 BP)
No Fungus Among Us – Complete a nighttime level without planting Mushrooms. (18 BP)
Last Mown Standing – Defeat the final zombie in a level with a lawnmower. (15 BP)
20 Below Zero – Immobilize twenty zombies with a single Iceshroom. (24 BP)
Flower Power – Keep ten Twin Sunflowers alive in a single level. (16 BP)
Pyromaniac – Complete a level using only explosive plants to kill zombies. (18 BP)
Lawn Mower Man – Kill ten zombies with a single lawnmower. (16 BP)
Chill Out – Feel the rhythm, feel the rhyme, you’ve got a level to destroy 3 Bobsleds, it’s Jalapeno time! (20 BP)
Defcorn 5 – Build five Cob Cannons in a single level. (16 BP)
Monster Mash – Crush five zombies with a single Squash. (24 BP)
But that’s not all the achievements! Check back this week for more brain-dead accomplishments, and more ways to get a full plate of blogger points! What…what’s that?…well, you don’t say! You want a couple more achievements just to fill your stomach? 2 more achievements, coming up, with a special side serving of two tablespoons of the Sam Mwakasisi Loves This (SMLT) seal of approval!
Blind Faith – Complete an extremely foggy level without planting Planterns or Blovers. (28 BP)
Pool’s Closed – Complete a pool level without using water plants. (25 BP)
Check back for the humor that fans loved, the achievements that zombies crave, and more on Sammwak, where E =mc2 is my formula for awesomeness!
p.s. Help donate to the Inside iPhone Fund to help raise money, power, and courage to make another delve inside the iPhone. With your subscription, we can change the world. Every action starts a chain reaction. One million begins with one.
I probably should have told this to you when I launched this blog, but I am a huge fan of Pokemon. I collect them, I trade them, I even enjoy drawing portraits of them. But you might not believe me on this feat…but I make them. No, I’m not from Japan. I make faux (pronounced “foh”, French for “fake”) Pokemon cards (saying “fake cards” might get me sued for copyright infringement) and I save them onto my computer. I’ve made 7 faux cards so far, and I’ve decided to share them with you as inspirations to make your own faux cards.
Fred Figglehorn (LV 6) - My least powerful faux card (can you feel the enmity?). He has an Ultrasonic Scream that can send the Defending Pokemon’s ears shuttling off its head. His Call for Squirrels can cost you half of your HP, and requires 3 Colorless energies. Although he’s still searching for his pills today. He is weakened from Fighting (Kevin;)) and can resist water. (“Fred Goes Swimming”, “Fred Works Out”, “iMeet Fred”, etc.)
Homer Simpson - I began following the Simpsons Wiki for a couple days, then I got the inspiration. I needed a couple Homer Simpson faux card inspirations myself to pull this one off. He has a Belch attack that requires 1 Fighting energy, powerful enough to cost the Defending Pokemon a turn. He can also be accompanied by his Spiderpig, whose deadly silk web wrap provides the next attack that requires 3 energies of Fighting. He is weakened by Fire, but can resist Water.
Chuck Norris (LV X) - I started following a site devoted to Chuck Norris facts, then this happened. Also need some faux card inspirations to help whip up this one. His I-see-it-everywhere Roundhouse Kick will Finish the Defending Pokemon. It’s all over. His Ranger Eyes attack puts him in play if he is in your hand, and cannot leave from that place. He will win you the game upon making damage. This attack requires 4 Psychic energies.
Finn and Jake (LV 28) - I just had to make this one. I barely needed inspiration; just perspiration was all. I had an original attempt at making this card, but it wasn’t as enjoyable as I assumed it would be. And this is only stuff you’ll find in my Recycle Bin. Their Autotune attack was an original feat from the original card, but was changed (Jake can’t autotune sing) to their Nightosphere attack. When the spell is uttered, the Defending Pokemon will be Swallowed and Trapped inside the Nightosphere. Their next attack, Spaghetti Limbs, was originally patented to Paralyze the opponent, but was changed to just Wrapping them, requiring 2 energies for both Fighting and Colorless.
Gru (LV 35) - Pfff, like I would forget Despicable Me. His Freeze Ray requires 4 energies of Water (surprised?) which will leave the Defending Pokemon Frozen (duh). His next one is his Call for Orphans (double duh), which will bore the opponent from the orphans’ bedtime stories, requiring 3 (number of girls) Colorless energies.
Mordecai and Rigby (LV 23) - Of all the faux cards I made, I had the most fun making this one. Their first attack is Slack Off, which prevents all damage from opponents’ attacks whilst slacking off. Then there’s their Tag Team Punchie (:D), which instantly sends the Defending Pokemon to the hospital if a coin flip lands on tails, requiring 2 Fighting energies. They are weakened by water (they get hosed in “The Unicorns Have Got To Go”), and can resist grass.
Barack Obama (LV 44) - If I voted for him, I had to give him a Pokemon (yes, I am a Democrat). He was so important that instead of a Diamond & Pearl-type Pokemon card format, I had to change to the HeartGold and SoulSilver format (as you can see from the others). His The Law States attack (entitled off a Brock Obama Pokemon attack of the same name) deflects all damage done from the opponent’s attack; they don’t have a permit to allow damage. His Campaign attack also forces the Defending Pokemon to vote for Obama.
I made these cards at MyPokeCard.com, where you can also print out your cards, glue them on the back of real cards, and make them look like the real thing. But for now, I just save them onto my PC. Become a faux card connoisseur! Baffle your buds, impress the Internet, and fumble your family with your cards! Become the card-maker–or should I say, faker–of the century!
Yep, that’s right! The day I always predicted…and dreaded. Today, tearful teachers have burst open their doors to allow their students to move on. Otherwise known as: the end of school. The end of the 2010-2011 school year. Oh, what a mess of red eyes and tears my school had. But when it comes to this, I’m usually good at keeping my manhood, holding my ground, and being stone-hearted. Did any of you graduate? If so, congratulations of your accomplishment. Because this is just one milestone on the path of an awesome life. I know I’ve marked many milestones in the past. Hitting 1,000 hits. Hitting 5,000 hits. Hitting 10,000 hits. And now…hitting over 20,000 hits.
And now, since I feel like starting a brand-new tradition, I’ve decided to add a song of celebration to my posts. Feel free to break free, let loose, and celebrate! Come on, don’t be shy.
You probably hate my guts right now, don’t you?
Have an epic summer, everyone! Ēka mahākāvya hai garmī! Ont été une épopée! Hebben een epische zomer! Haben eine epische Sommer! Hanno un estate epica!
(Just testing your language skills. :D)
p.s. How do you plan to spend YOUR summer? Answer me through comments or emails! And please, start voting stars on my posts! (Winka blinka winka