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Hey guys it’s Sam, and have you ever wondered how my life is like? Well, you searched upon the right post, because Sammwak presents My Day My Life starring yours truly! This is the ultimate way to take a look at celebrity life, so why not my life?

FIRST ROUTINE

First I wake up in the morning, probably at 11:00 to noon, 1:00 if I’m extra sleepy.  I hobble to the bathroom to comb my hair, brush my teeth, and wash my face. Then I go down for breakfast.

BREAKFAST

I usually have Ensure nutrition drinks (the king of dairy products), even though my sister says it isn’t real breakfast. If we’re on an Ensure shortage, then I usually grab a bowl of cereal, whether it’s plain Cheerios or Lucky Charms.

10-MINUTE GAMING

I used to head down to the family room for some extreme ten-minute gaming. I usually played SSX Tricky (you know, when the PS2 actually still worked), then I varied to Diddy Kong Racing for the N64, and then that was pretty much my last ten-minute gaming time…excluding the nights I bashed on Super Street Fighter IV.

EXTREME COMPUTING

Then I head upstairs, get comfortable in the chair, and relax surfing the web. I usually make a couple post drafts right here on Sammwak, or I help the web otherwise like editing wikis. If there’s something going on in my head, either if it’s something I have or something irrationally wild, I usually make a video about it on my webcam. I also do a great amount of work at Cheezburger.com, where I go under the alias saml0lz. Yes, I have made the home page of several sites several times.

WHAT’S FOR LUNCH?

I usually either get called down for lunch, or go myself by around 3:00 to 4:00…or those extremely and lazily unlucky times where I need to have my dinner, which is also my lunch (a lunner?) I usually have a tasty plate of rice, whether it’s white or brown. If I feel extra appetizing, I usually garnish my meals with strips of bacon. During or after my meal, I usually go to the bathroom to have a baby. My latest boy was named Mr. Feces. Where is he now? In his home…halfway between my toilet and the Atlantic Ocean.

Then I go back upstairs and repeat Extreme Computing all over again.

VIDEOHEAD

I go on YouTube every day. Both to get a few laughs out, or to check some of my channels…sorry, me and my brother’s channel. Yeah, I watch viral videos (Annoying Orange and whatnot), and some channels I really like (nigahiga, TheFineBros, etc.) get subscribed…on Google Reader.

DINNER DASH

Just take a look back up at What’s for Lunch? I usually have rice, whether I have to wash it down with a bowl of Romaine hearts. (It’s just salad.) The only time I didn’t have rice was when:

A) I went out for dinner (which I wish would happen more often) at a restaurant.

B) I got stuck with a plate of mushy ugali. (That’s corn meal)

Then I infrequently go to the bathroom and have another baby. My latest girl’s a shortie, and her name’s Ms. Scat. She and Mr. Feces are probably raising a wonderful family together.

AFTER-DINNER DOINGS

Okay, now it’s time for my nightlife. My brother usually stays down at the family room with his nighttime meal. I usually watch TV or do some street fighting. Then I usually go back to the TV of mild boredom and watch some TV up until 11:00, my bedtime. But if I feel like a bad boy, I’ll squeeze in a few more minutes of street fighting, just to reward myself.

Then I run upstairs, change into my pajamas (or shower, if I feel like a goody gumball), and drift into sleep, whether it’s quick and dreamless, or with at least one sad, weird, or freakishly creepy dream.

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TRIP DAYS

This is a new kind of day. I usually wake up, do my first routine, and then get whisked off in our Chevy Impala, usually (if not always) to Chicago. We usually make a couple stops at gas stations to get a reload or to reload on energy with some sweets, then we head right back on the road. We usually spend the night at our destination (speaking of destination, did I mention we use a GPS?), then we chug back home. Take all our stuff out. And if we’re extra early, take a nap. Or sleep, whatever you would call it.

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And that, my friend, is a look at my life! Thanks for being a part of Sammwak, and if you blog right here at WordPress, please like my posts. If you don’t blog here, just subscribe and/or leave a comment. Remember, it’s 100% natural!

- Sam

p.s. Tomorrow, I fall into the evil clutches of what is known as…school. Wish me all the luck you can.

p.p.s. This is the first post categorized under Home in a long time.



Hey guys it’s Sam, and sorry about the long hiatus. Luckily, I have a new treat within a new segment for video games, called Pwn Some Noobs (or, for stylization, PWN SOM3 N00B$!), as a substitute for Gamecritic. You know there are a lot of Game Critics around Google? Today, we’ll take a deep look at one game that you can’t not know. It was the first game for the Xbox 360’s Kinect, back in November 2010. Unveiled at the 2010 E3,  today’s token is the adventurous Kinect Adventures. It’s not the Kinect’s instant killer app, but is it worth the hassle? Let’s find out.

Revving it up in Rallyball!

Kinect Adventures was the Microsoft Studios-Good Science team’s treat for a good kickoff for a new contraption. It was actually featured with every Kinect bought, a “pack-in game”, you might call it. There’s only five mini games, but lots of modes to choose from. Players could take it easy with Free Play, or they could fight for rewards in Adventure Mode, winning achievements and completing journeys. I didn’t had much interest of this game at first, but then I jumped into Adventure Mode. My eyes were opened, and it is now one of my most-played X360 games. The environments are vivid and breathtaking, the sensor does a jolly good job of motion tracking, and the rewards are definitely enough bangs for your buck. Oh, and don’t forget that sleek interface. And don’t get me wrong, it got fairly positive critical feedback. There’s even a solid storyline to keep everything afloat. And it sold a mind-blowing 10 million copies with the Kinect, which ranks as the second-highest sale, behind Call of Duty: Black Ops. Here are the parts where it got a little bumpy.

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- Even at Advanced, excluding time challenges, Adventure Mode is super easy. Not only does it hand successes to you like it’s nobody’s business, but you also have lots of living statues to record.

- Gaming is repetitive with only five mini games: River Rush, where you use your motion to steer down river rapids, Reflex Ridge, where you jump, duck, and dodge your way through an obstacle course, Space Pop, where you use flight and hovering to pop bubbles, 20,000 Leaks, where you use your body to fix leaks started by fish, and Rallyball, where you scramble about sending balls flying into blocks and targets.. Even if they take place at different destinations, it’s still the same thing over and over again.

- Show Off & Share photos bear cheesy, embarrassing captions, like “Superhero Moment”, “Oo! Oo! Call On Me!”, and “Surf the Floor”.

-  Space Pop is punishingly hard if you don’t read the directions. Take it from me, as I was absolutely clueless upon what to do. Despite the fact that I ended up collecting 196 pins…go figure.

- The game has an annoying way of telling you you’re in the wrong place. In the top left corner, a huge pop-up will pop up and indicate where you are in your space! Not only is that annoying, but it’s super annoying!

- Games get real old, real fast. Even critics will tell you the exact same thing.

————-

CRITICS CALL

The game walked away with lots of sixes and sevens, and churning out only one eight. GameSpot gave the game a 7.0, saying: “This motion-based minigame collection is inconsistent, but it gives you a good excuse to start leaping and scrambling around with your new Kinect.” The game got a critic score of 6.6, while users bumped up their own score to a 7.3. Metacritic coughed up a 61 out of 100 for Kinect Adventures, and 1UP.com with a B at 80/100. G4’s X-Play gave the game 4 out of 5 stars overall.

FINALE

Kinect Adventures rallies up a 7 out of 10, a 7.0 out of 10, and a 72 out of 100. If you get the Kinect, please get some other game, because this game gets old and won’t have the interest rate to last you more than 2 hours. Capiche? Oh, and you know what else doesn’t have the interest rate to last you more than 2 hours? Today’s question, which comes from a user named FickDBanana…Fick again? Anyways, he said: “If you could start your own cereal business, what would you name your first cereal?” You heard the bananabrain! What would you name your own cereal?…This should be good. Leave your creative answers in my comment section, or via email.

This is Sam on Sammwak, and see you next Friday where we get to, again, PWN SOM3 N00B$!

Yours truly,

Sam



Hey it’s Sam, and here’s another YouTube treasure I dug up, mateys! Today’s treasure is actually not just from one user…it’s from three! I just felt like it, because today is Thursday. A triple Thursday of treasures. These YouTube stars are famous online and off, and are actually huge icons. The first YouTube star is the king of VFX (video effects, for all of you who don’t do abbreviations) mastery, Frederick “Freddie” Wong, or as his username goes by, freddiew. He has over 30 million channel views, and over one million subscribers.

The first video is a real-life tribute to an infinitely looping gif which you can find here. It’s called “Big Blue Ball Machine”, and currently stands with over one million views since July 16.

The next one is called “Arcade Dominator”, where Wong heads to the arcade and dominates all, from air hockey to a perfect skeeball game to a flawless Guitar Hero shredding session. This video has over 5 million views since the 4th of…June. Pwned.

This final one is called “Real Life Mario Kart”, bringing back Mario Kart 64 in 2011. This video has over 11 million views since February 17…my birthday! :D

Freddie has a bigger-than-life backstory behind him. He competed in the 2007 World Series of Video Games, walking away with first prize for Guitar Hero 2. (if you saw Arcade Dominator, you know he rules at GH.) He performed at YouTube Live in 2008, and is prone for guest stars in his videos, such as Ray William Johnson in “Troll Massacre”, and William and Dylan from KIDS REACT in “Jedi A-Holes Strike Back”. Onto the next star!

—————-

If you’re Brazilian, you can’t say you don’t know Joe Penna, or MysteryGuitarMan. He makes music out of stuff you wouldn’t expect to be musical, such as with balloons in “Pop”, with buildings in “Jumbo”, and with one thousand guitars in “1000 Guitars”. He has over 35 million channel views, and has surpassed the one-million-subscriber mark.

This first one is called “Bubble Rap”, consisting of lots of bubble wrap, a guitar, and DeStorm as the rapper. Over a million views since May 14, 2011.

The next one is “Pop”, which I told you is consisted of lots of balloons, and a piano. Almost at 3.5 million views since May 11, 2010.

The final one is “Happy Mouth”, featuring Joe singing “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” with the sounds conducted by his mouth, like a bass, an angelic choir, and hi-hats.

Joe has not only been in a McDonald’s Coke commercial, but he ranks as the ninth-most subscribed YouTuber to date, dethroning the Annoying Orange but being dethroned by Shane Dawson’s second channel. Now, our third and final star!

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Epic Meal Time is from Canada, which is no surprise why they take foods to the total extreme. If you’re ever called down to lunch and you aren’t hungry, watch some Epic Meal Time and you’ll be hungrier than a starving Sim. Almost 25 million channel views and over a million subscribers as we speak. The eighth-most viewed in Canada, and the most gnarliest foods since Man vs Food…maybe even gnarlier.

The first one cooks up a meatball deathstar, a whole bunch of cooked pasta stuffed inside a meatball covered with cheese…your mouth started watering, right? If you ain’t down with meatballs, and you ain’t down with almost 3.5 million views (since December 14, 2010), you ain’t down to no nothing!

Next, sushi and fast food finally fuse together to create the ultimate “fast food sushi”. Since December 7, it has over 5 million views. おいしい! That’s Japanese for “delicious”!

The final video is just salad. Without all the healthy stuff. Take your greens, and turn them into teins…proteins! That’s right, we got a meat salad with flank steak lettuce, spiced-up pepperoni carrots, meatball radishes, cucumber sausages, and Epic Meal Time ain’t epic without bits…beer bacon bits!

And if you think this is a carnivore’s dream come true, it doesn’t stop there. They’re live at Comic Con, and you go to Netflix.com/bacon, and watch some Kevin Bacon! Am I right, Internet?

——————–

That marks the end of another video effective, musical, and tasty YouTube treasure. From now on, check back every other Friday (which means a treasure one Friday, a regular post the next, and then another treasure the next) for more YouTube treasures, mateys!

- Sam

p.s. Have I told you about my brother’s site? Probably not. It’s based on ways you can be successful in everyday life. From social medial abuse to the perfect relationship to letting go of a loved one, my brother Chris Mwakasisi could probably hook you up with some gnarly innovation.



March is simply the month of luck, greens, and greens. And especially comes that time where I can FINALLY give you another uproarious edition of joke compilations. That’s right, fellow jokesters and/or jokees. March’s compilation of Joke Time with yours truly has finally come around! (This is also an apology for my long absence. Think of it as a hiatus.)

Q&A JOKES

Where do fish keep their credit cards?…In the river bank!

How does an egg get to work?…It drives in a Yolkswagen!

What type of car does a cow drive?…A Cattle-ac!

STORY JOKES

A director is screen testing Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger for a film on composers. Not having figured out who’s which composer, he asks Sylvester which composer he’d like to be. Sylvester said he wanted to be Mozart. Then he asked Arnold what HE’D like to be. Arnold replied, “Ah’ll be Bach!”

A woman has twins and gives them for adoption. One goes to an Egyptian family and is named “Amal.” The other goes to a Spanish family and is named “Juan.” Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to the woman, who said to her husband that she wished for a picture of Amal as well. Her husband said, “But they’re twins–if you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”

YO MAMA – Yo mama’s so ______……..

Yo mama’s so fat, when she jumped off the Empire State Building, she turned around and gave Jesus a high-five!

Yo mama’s so poor, she has the ducks throw bread at HER!

Yo mama’s so fat, her BMI is measured in acres!

Yo mama’s so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sits next to EVERYBODY!

Yo mama’s so stupid, she tried organizing her M&M’s in alphabetical order!

Yo mama’s so stupid, she put paper on the TV and said it was pay-per-view!

PUNS – Lemons are sour, these jokes aren’t! SWEET!

I was aboard a ship with my crew and a bunch of root beer. It was told I was being so cocky they threatened to make me walk the plank. And when I did, before I jumped I asked, “Can I at least have one more mug of root beer?” The pirate said, “Of course!” So I took the mug and JUMPED! And I would’ve drowned if it hadn’t been for one thing…ROOT BEER FLOAT!

It was comedy night. All of the best comedians were attending a shot at the best jokes. The next contestant walks up to the microphone confidently and begins, “Crowd, I have a story to tell you.” Next, a voice out of the crowd shouts, “WHY DON’T YOU MAKE IT 10 STORIES AND THEN JUMP?”

Did you hear about the guy whose entire left side was cut off. Don’t panic. He’s all right now!

When William joined the military for war, he didn’t like the saying, “Fire at will”.

Sometimes feet and noses are built backwards: Their feet smell and their noses run.

I relish the fact that you’ve mustard enough strength to ketchup to me.

Greengrocers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, take a leek, turnip the covers endive into bed.

…………………………..

This would’ve gone on for lots more, but I can’t give away all the rest of the volumes. Come back soon for an April edition of Joke Time with yours truly! Lemons are sour, my jokes aren’t! SWEET!

- Sam

 



Hey guys it’s Sam and the second volume of Joke Time has finally arrived! Since I was fortunate enough to get the Captain Underpants Extra Crunchy Book o’ Fun 2 for Christmas (thanks again to Eneke, the eldest sister of my family), I have a boatload of new jokes to tell! Let’s get jokin’! (Oh, and BTW, the jokes noted with an asterisk (*) come from my Book o’ Fun.)

Q&A Jokes:

Q) Why did the cookie cry?

A) Because his mom had been a wafer so long.*

………

Q) Why was the mushroom always invited to parties?

A) Because he was a fungi!*

…….

Q) Why does Ms. Ribble keep a stick of dynamite in her auto-emergency kit?

A) In case she gets a flat and needs to blow up one of her tires.*

…….

Q) What’s the difference between a fish and a piano?

A) You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish!

………..

Q) What do you get when you cross a porcupine with a great white shark?

A) As far away as possible.

 

Knock-Knock Jokes:

You: Knock-knock.

Friend: Who’s there?

You: Olive Toop.

Friend: Olive Toop who?

You: Well, so do I, but you don’t hear ME braggin’ about it!*

…………..

You: Knock-knock.

Friend: Who’s there?

You: Acute.

Friend: Acute who?

You: Acute little boy! (from kidsjokes.co.uk)

……….

You: Knock-knock.

Friend: Who’s there?

You: Ada.

Friend: Ada who?

You: Ada lot for breakfast! (from kidsjokes.co.uk)

………

You:  Knock-knock.

Friend: Who’s there?

You: Ada.

Friend: Ada who?

You: Ada burger for lunch! (from kidsjokes.co.uk)

………..

You: Knock-knock.

Friend: Who’s there?

You: Ada.

Friend: Ada who?

You: Ada turkey for dinner!

……………..

And now….the grand finale jokes!

George: Excuse me, mister, I’d like to buy some toilet paper.

Grocery store clerk: What color would you like?

George: Just give me white. I’ll color it myself!*

…….

Ms. Ribble: Harold, if I gave you two goldfish, and Melvin gave you four goldfish, how many would you have?

Harold: Eleven.

Ms. Ribble: ELEVEN?!!? Hah! You’re WRONG, bub!

Harold: No, you’re wrong. I already have five goldfish back at home!*

………

Become the ultimate jokester! Make friends and family laugh! Make yourself laugh, with these dandy jokes from Joke Time with Sam Mwakasisi! Keep your eyes peeled for volume three in 2011!

L8trs, Sam

 



Hey guys it’s Sam and guess WHAT TIME IT IS?!?! It’s JOKE TIME!!! That’s right, I’ve started a new segment on Sammwak called “JOKE TIME w/ Sam Mwakasisi”, hosted by yours truly! Be the jokester of them all, telling randomly funny jokes or pulling them on unsuspecting victims! Without further ado, let’s get to the jokes!:

Knock-Knock Jokes – These aren’t temporarily “victim” jokes, but friend jokes…:

You: Knock-knock.

Friend: Who’s there?

You: I’m a pile-up.

Friend: I’m a pile-up who?

You: No, you’re not! Don’t be so hard on yourself, buddy!

(from The Captain Underpants Extra Crunchy Book o’ Fun)

You: Knock-knock.

Friend: Who’s there?

You: Sadie.

Friend: Sadie who?

You: Sadie Pledge of Allegiance.

(from knock-knock-joke.com)

You: Knock-knock.

Friend: Who’s there?

You: Island.

Friend: Island who?

You: Island on your roof with my parachute.

………..

Q&A Jokes – i.e. “Why did the chicken cross the road”…

Q: Why do sharks live in saltwater?

A: Because pepper water makes them sneeze.

(from The Captain Underpants Extra Crunchy Book o’ Fun)

Q: Why did Batman cross his legs?

A: He had to go to the batroom.

(from The Captain Underpants Extra Crunchy Book o’ Fun)

Q: How do you tell a male chromosome from a female chromosome?

A: You pull down its “genes”!

(from Big Nate in a Class By Himself)

Q: What did the mother buffalo say to the son buffalo when he went to college?

A: Bison.

(from The Captain Underpants Extra Crunchy Book o’ Fun)

Yo Mama Jokes – Yo mama’s so _____….:

Yo mama’s so skinny, she hula-hoops with a Cheerio!

Yo mama’s so dirty, she makes mud look clean!

Yo mama’s so fat, when she gets on an elevator, she HAS to go down! (from Big Nate in a Class by Himself)

Yo mama’s so fat, she fell and made the Grand Canyon!

Yo mama’s so ugly, they filmed “Gorillas in the Mist” in her shower!

All of these (well, almost) were powered from funnyjokesmania.com. Read it and lol!

……..

And a special wrapper-upper joke….Ketchup and Liquor!

This is the final joke of volume uno, and yes, it is our first VICTIM JOKE!!! Grab a victim, and read on. And you must tell the victim they have to answer “ketchup and liquor” to every question:

You: What did you have for breakfast today?

Victim: Ketchup and liquor.

You: What did you have for lunch today?

Victim: Ketchup and liquor.

You: What did you have for dinner today?

Victim: Ketchup and liquor.

You: What do you do when you see a pretty girl passing by?

Victim: Ketchup and liquor.

You: You “ketchup” (catch up) with the girl and “liquor” (lick her)? Man, you are NASTY!

………..

Sorry to bust your water bottles, but this is the end of volume one. :( But check back for more funny bone-tickling, laugh-rising volumes of JOKE TIME w/ Sam Mwakasisi!

L8trs, Sam

p.s. What jokes do YOU want in the next volume? Comment/email me your best joke(s), and you could be responsible for the next handful of jokes or less!



Hey guys it’s Sam, and you should remember OneByOneTV. Click here if you haven’t an idea wth OneByOneTV is.

Well, the founder of that, my big brother Chris, actually has a WordPress blog of his own. So it’s not only me who has a blog in our family. Mine is goofy, kid-oriented, and bouncy with that pizzazz that kids will enjoy. His is downright serious chiz. Children could read it, but Chris is no jokester (okay maybe 99.9% of the time). His blog is literally a guide to innovation so from the boardroom to the classroom to the bedroom, you will be wildly successful in everything you do. My blog is dedicated to…absolutely….NOTHING? What, I don’t make good decisions.

Anyways, you can check out Chris’s blog anytime, anywhere. If you’re 13 years old or older, that means a special BONUS. You can contact him on Facebook and LinkedIn. If not, you can still subscribe to him nonetheless. His latest post is his second weekly fitness update. It’s pretty fascinating, and you can lol at the same time. W00t!

Well, here’s where it all begins: http://www.chrismwakasisi.com/blog/

Read it and lol!

- Sam



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