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Hey it’s Sam, and I sincerely apologize for my absence from Sammwak. I had to go on a trip, and now I’m in Peoria, IL as I speak! Today we’re taking a look at another “superior” Sonic game. I experienced the demo of this game first (which absolutely rocked!), then the full game. Today, our subject is 2008’s action platformer, Sonic Unleashed. (What, I cannot do online and video games in one segment?)

In just a handful of words to describe Unleashed: A total waste of twenty bucks. Yes, it was that bad. The demo took me as far as the ground. The actual game didn’t do that. It dragged me through excruciatingly punishing difficulties, pestiferous characters, and repeated controls. I really didn’t enjoy the game, and I haven’t even finished the game to date. See what I mean? It’s just too hard. Oh, I need to tell you about the plot.

Well, it starts when Eggman shoots the world with an enormous ray gun. Predictably, Earth breaks apart, but with a side effect: at night, when the moon is out and full, Sonic transforms into his grotesque beastly form…Sonic the Werehog! Dealing with adventures day and night, Sonic has to restore the world to normal after Eggman’s mass destruction.

Every one of Sega’s releases starring that supersonic blue hedgehog carry the hope of picking up the pace that made Sonic a star in the 90s. And every destined venture through Sega’s front door has ended in various degrees of tripping out the back. 2006’s Sonic the Hedgehog met unanimously negative reviews, and Sonic Heroes had some negative points critics had to point out. But Unleashed stooped up to brand new roots of failure. Not only did I feel like the game droned on and on, but it lacked what every platformer had to have: fun. That’s unforgivable! And these slews of infinite problems are caught by an achy shaky camera. All of these mean there is basically no point in playing Unleashed.

Even Sonic himself is disappointed by the failure of his own game.

The werehog levels were definitely unfinished. And they took longer than the classic, and enjoyable, sprint-to-the-finish races. You couldn’t toggle day and night like The Sims 3 let you. And you might have the vigorous ability to send enemies flying with a flaming punch from your stretchy arm, but it didn’t feel that cool, and besides; you’d have to keep doing that for the whole night. Sure you’ll go places, but only in the method of mindlessly mashing the attack button until they explode into rings and whatnot. And the enemies either lack some good AI, or are menacingly challenging. They stand around until you feel like putting the hurt on them. Sock them until they explode. The most common factor for defeating tiny enemies, and one that will never evolve.

Sonic in his werehog form.

In the pictured form, and as I told you, you earn stretchable arms and the ability to grab onto ledges. It’s an essential thing to have when wandering in these stages. And the camera can get restricted when a line of sight is necessary. And since the punishing is so quick, these can rid you life after life in bouts of frustration.

And there are also townsfolk standing around that you can talk to; just be prepared for the boring, bitter aftertaste. I really did not like one bit of the game except for its truthfully proficient graphics. :D So let’s scroll down the list of what Unleashed was taken back by:

  • Repetitive, iterative combat that gets super old, super fast.
  • It’s impossible to talk to townsfolk without getting pestered or bored.
  • Punishing difficulty, which makes the game impossible to beat. What did we do?
  • A lousy camera restricts a good view when you need it.
  • Nighttime levels will take forever to get through.
  • The designs for levels are hideous, especially at night.

And let’s take a look at some of the tarnishing demerits Unleashed got for its trouble!

Annoying Characters - Maybe it’s a lazy facial expression or two. Maybe it’s that pestering voice you have to hear every time. But this demerit only goes out to games worthy of characters who really put the “pest” in “pestiferous.”

Bad Controls - It can differ to overly hard control to overly unresponsive abilities, but something in that controller/joystick/whatever is so jacked up, that you just might want to say, “Controller/joystick/whatever, meet wall!”

Shallow - Some games make up the “negative extreme”, and others reach new lows of that negative extreme. When it just varies to mashing the same thing for a couple minutes, or having to repeat every action from start to finish, you might be playing a Shallow game.

Poor Camera – One of the aggravating things games can do is obscure the way it catches the footage of the game, lacking the ability to show a good view of what’s going on, let alone keep up with any necessary action. Games like this “win” our “award.”

Difficultly Punishing - Sure the ideal boss fight, like Mario vs. Bowser, can put up a good fight. But when games push it too far, you end up making a fool out of yourself. This game would’ve been more appealing if it reduced the Haterade and punishing difficulty.

Disappointing - The ordinary mediocre game can be shaken off in a matter of time. But when games really don’t live up to the potential markets, gamers, and retailers alike, they earn this demerit for their trouble.

Unworthy Value - Expensive games that aren’t worth the huge price, as well as the short and repetitive, come short in the value column. There are more efficient ways to spend your precious cash, but we don’t say the game stinks.

This was something I played in the demo that got me HOOKED. Guess it wasn't worth it!

I guess the final verdict for Sonic Unleashed is a “terrible” 3 out of 10. Worse than Super Smash Flash 2, literally the worst crossover a man can play! I would’ve felt like getting a refund, but, unfortunately, Video Hits Plus went out of business. >:( “Although it runs aground on sleek visuals, Sonic Unleashed is an awful adventure with a poor camera, dreadful controls, pestiferous characters, the list goes on.” This game was supposed to revive all of the negative downfalls Sega suffered, but it’s just become a member of the heap.

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Check back for more Gamecritical posts, as well as the other humor that hooked the hemisphere of WordPress, right here on Sammwak! ;)

p.s. This post is sponsored by Sprintz Sports Gum. When you need to go for the gold when it comes to speed, pick Sprintz. Sprintz Sports Gum, now with 10% less liver damage…and the sweet smell of lemons!



There are lots of people out there that love shooters. Some are used to the brutal bloodbaths of Call of Duty or Halo, while others like to take it easy with games like Kane & Lynch or Crysis. But there are those other games that mix it up. Speaking of those games, one is coming out soon, but not very soon. Actually May 10, to be exact. This a treat from Splash Damage, whom specialize in shooters, as well as Valve Corp, famous for series like Left 4 Dead and Team Fortress. The revolution begins with the new third-person shooter, Brink.

The main story of the game takes place in the utopian city of The Ark, a floating city surrounded by the waters from a flooded Earth. The Ark is where two factions named “Resistance” and “Security” fight to the death, either fighting for the Ark or uniting/defending The Ark. Up to sixteen can play this online. My own brother described Brink as a mixture of Mass Effect, Monday Night Combat, and Mirror’s Edge. How it resembles Mass Effect is that it’s some weird crazy sci-fi shooter, and you can play as bots and weirdos like that. Monday Night Combat is resembled since you can actually pick a CHARACTER CLASS to be for the game: the operative, whose job is to sabotage the other team, hacking turrets and such, the medic, whose job is to heal, revive, and buff teammates, the soldier, whose job is to specialize in warfare and weaponry, and the engineer, whose job is to defend tactical zones, improve weapons, and more. How it looks like Mirror’s Edge is the heavy use of parkour, which they smartly conceal by passing it as the system of SMART: Smooth Movement Across Random Terrain.

People are saying that Brink is the shooter that we have been waiting for. But is it really worth its puffed-up proud price of nearly $60 at GameStop? Let’s find out.

So, personally, now, do you think that Brink is worth your hard-earned cash…SH, caSH?

Check out YouTube or your local surroundings for more about Brink, and I’ll join you next time here on Sammwak!! ;)

-Sam

p.s. Did you know that the release dates of Brink kept getting bumped up and down? It went in this order: fall 2010, bumped up to May 13, 2011, bumped back to May 10, 2011. :D



Do you love action? Do you love Cartoon Network? Do you love watching action ON Cartoon Network? Congratulations. Your night has come. That’s right; calling all action-lovers, brace yourselves for tomorrow night…it’s a whole night of slam-bang actions on Cartoon Network! 4 shows will be aired, which I know isn’t a lot. But those titles are…

Generator Rex

A creation of “Man of Action”, this animated action stars an amnesiac hero voiced by Spy Kid Daryl Sabara (Juni, anyone?).

Star Wars: The Clone Wars

The sci-fi action TV series still running off of the 2008 CGI movie of the same name, which critics are still saying was pretty suckish.

Young Justice

A new action series on Cartoon Network adapted from the actual DC Comics superhero team of the same name. Sixteen teenager heroes are noted to be part of the group, counting the mentors.

Ben 10: Alien Force

Another unforgettable creation of “Man of Action” (see Generator Rex) that is the 3rd incarnation of Ben 10 so far. You have heard of Ben, right? The kid that can turn into different alien forms? Yeah, that’s him.

Fasten your seatbelts, action-hoarders! Because you have a whole night to hoard that’s full of what you love. Oh, me? I’ll probably skip the show (I’m not an action-hoarder; no offense) and do other more important stuff. Not that the show’s not important, it’s just…oh, you see my point.

So, action night begins Friday at 8/7c (I think)! If the time is different, don’t blame me. Oh, well. I guess that’s all I have to tell you about. Oh, wait! Stay tuned for a big surprise coming to Sammwak. I’m sure it’ll blow you away…

- Sam



Hey guys it’s Sam and if you’ve seen Cartoon Network, you’ve probably heard of this show. I’ve become a new fan of it. Like, really. I’ve caught all the episodes on-demand, and I’m willing to catch more off-demand. What time is it? Well, it, my friend, is ADVENTURE TIME.

This is one of the “new” shows introduced to Cartoon Network in September. It was actually based on a short that became an Internet sensation before it was brought to TV in April. If you don’t know what it’s about, I pity you. It’s about this 12-year old human boy named Finn who somewhat enjoys kicking evil forces in their hineys, and is skilled at all types of combat. It is a mystery, but all we know is that he was born from a cabbage. He really has blonde hair, but he wears an ‘awesome hat’ to conceal it. He’ll outburst and strangely exclaim anything he pleases, and is also bad at math, although he can blurt out stuff like, “Mathematical!”, “Algebraic!”, and “Rhombus!” And here’s the thing that makes me jealous for Finn. Since he ate this small computer, whenever he sings, he sings Auto-tune! Yeah, like Ke$ha! And the thing that makes me super-jealous is that he has a 28-year old (in “magical dog years”) dog named Jake that has cool magic powers! Not so majesto! (That’s what my eldest sister says to mean, “Cool!”) Along the way, this dynamic dog-and-dude duo meet characters like:

Princess Bubblegum, the ruler of Candy Kingdom and the love interest of Finn. Yes, Finn does too have a crush on her.

Ice King, the ruler of Ice Kingdom and the kidnapper of princesses, forcing them to marry him. I know, vague and disgusting, right? If you catch him sky high with his beard, flee. Or else he could zap you into a block of ice with his ‘frozen lightning bolts’! Fear his population of snow and ice monsters, but when you come in contact with his horrifying Ice-o-pede…nighty-night.

Lady Rainicorn - This creepy unicorn-rainbow crossover unicorn that turns out to be Jake’s boyfriend. Her horn can turn things various colors. Oh, and she speaks Korean! Yeah, you heard me. She speaks KOREAN, like “Annyeonghaseyo!” and “Annyeong!”

Lots more crazy stuff happen when it’s adventure time. Catch Adventure Time Monday nights on Cartoon Network!

L8trs, Sam

p.s. If anyone asks you, you didn’t hear it from me.

 



Hey guys it’s Sam and you should know The Sims 3 by now. It’s a life-simulation game brought to you by Electronic Arts, or EA, where you customize a humanoid avatar aka a “Sim” in a select town where you get a job, have a relationship, get married, have kids, and vice versa. It’s exactly a resemblance from that to the real life. Except Sims don’t speak English. They speak their own language, ‘Simmish”, to be exact. So this means every TV channel, is all in Simmish, from Cookin’ Cable to Fishing Fracas to even Sports Universe and Terror TV. And it won’t be long before you find out Simmish music, such as rockabilly, soul, and even hip-hop. But let’s stop talking turkey and talk ham. Because the latest expansion pack (the past packs were World Adventures, and Ambitions) just released a couple months ago, back in late October. It’s what I’d like to call…Late Night.

If you’ve played The Sims 2: Nightlife, you have a good image of this game. Heck, you could even call it The Sims 3: Nightlife. This game is like a bat. Quiet at day, active at night. So is this game. There’s probably more to do at night then at day. You could get your groove on at Aquarius, the local dance club of Bridgeport. You could hit a film career and be an outstanding actor or actress. Oh, and speaking of Bridgeport, it’s the new city with “all the good stuff.” It came with the game, like Twinbrook came with Ambitions. This is a pic of Bridgeport:

Can’t you feel the high-tech already? I can. Oh, and the vampires are back. And the bars of a regular Sim is Hunger, Hygiene, Social, Fun, and Bladder. Vampires don’t hunger. They THIRST. Isn’t it kind of obvious? They can only satisfy this by collecting Plasma, or, for humanity, blood. But vampires can also depend on Plasma fruits or even Plasma packs. But the thing is, if you wanna feed, you gotta ASK. That’s kind of pointless, because you know everyone’s gonna say NO.

My Sim is that lucky, athletic, virtuoso kind of man. His name? Sam Harris. I’ve named almost every one of my Sims after me. He already hit a job as an actor, and he previously got promoted for a Best Boy, despite the fact that they aren’t the best and typically aren’t always boys. Eh, what the heck? If you gotta roll with it, roll with it. Surfers gotta surf. Teachers gotta teach. Oh, and I almost forgot to tell you this. There are Celebrity Points in this game. If you got 5 stars, you’re a celebrity. Congrats. I only got 2 or 3 Points, so don’t rub it in my face. In The Sims 2, some people were likely enough to use a hot tub nude, at least without children or teenagers in the area. But in Late Night, this has been brought to the next level…meet skinny-dipping. What is it? It’s swimming nude, basically. You can even swim in legitimate pools now. Your clothes will be a heap at the poolside. But here’s the gimmick. Celebrities can snag a skinny-dipper’s clothes! Those Sims will have to walk around in a towel. But you gotta have stealth to pull it off. A stealthy celeb is the key. Paparazzi could photograph you in the act, and who knows what the skinny-dipper will do to you once they find out? Maybe punch your lights out? Pop a vein through your nose? Brawl you so hard, a cloud of mist forms? But note that only grown-ups can skinny-dip, and they can’t dip when children and teens are in the area. Skinny-dipping will eventually get you the “Exhilarated” moodlet. At least it did for me.

You also have zodiac signs? What is your Sim gonna be? An Aries? A Taurus? A Gemini? A Cancer? A Leo? A Virgo? A Lebra? A Scorpio? A Sagittarius? A Capricorn? An Aquarius? Or a Pisces? I can’t decide for all of you when I have almost 2,000 hits. BTW very impressive! It warms my heart when I see, more and more people are liking me! Seeing me, a nobody, turn into a somebody, it makes me grin! So does Emoti. :D

Buy your copy today, or just slap it on your wishlist! Maybe Santa Claus will do the trick…

L8trs, Sam



Hey guys it’s Sam and remember Monday Night Combat? And remember Spunky Cola? Remember, energy. Loaded.

Well, guess what? MNC finally got some DLC (down-loadable content) for their game…THE SPUNKY COLA DLC!

That’s right. Featuring new arenas, new modes, and a special balanced tweak to increase the fun, the new Spunky Cola DLC is here! It actually released today, December 1, and it’s pretty downright fun. Here are some new features the regular game wouldn’t have, but the Spunky Cola DLC does:

The new Spunky Cola Crossfire arena! Made for the Synthetic Sugar Accord, it puts players into the action quicker for more explosions, more shooting and more epic!

The new Survivitol Blitz Arena!: Thanks to Grandma Betty’s (the old-fashioned way to aim), the new Survivitol arena is a new feature within the Spunky Cola DLC. Small and deadly with 2 tiers of bot spawners keep pros on their feet! And remember, whatever happens you have got Survivitol and they do not…SURVIVITOL!

The new Super Sudden Death Blitz!: Only in the Survivitol Arena will you fight to defend your Moneyball in the epic, intense, deadly, and frantic…SUPER SUDDEN DEATH BLITZ!!!

Added in new options for private games:

  • Set game duration
  • Set overtime duration, including 0 time for no overtime
  • Toggle buying bots
  • Toggle buying Juice
  • Toggle Bullseye spawning
  • Toggle using Hazards (Annihilator / Ejectors)
  • Choose specific or random map
  • Hazards on / off
  • Force random classes
  • Toggle use of custom classes
  • Toggle class changing
  • Class limits on all classes

Also, a new pit girl is featured for the Icemen, along with updated level intros and outros.

All Star Mode
  • Added a feature that allows players to go beyond level 99 by going back to level 0 and getting a new “All Star” icon next to their name.

Highlights

  • Added in 12 new highlights with associated ProTags.

Career Milestones

  • Added career milestones and ProTags for bacon pickups.
  • Added career milestones and ProTags for killing each type of class.

And one of my favorite features…CHURROS!!!!!!

That’s right fans. Your favorite fried-dough pastry snack is now a new feature in the Spunky Cola DLC. Churros instantly boost skill regen and health once picked up. I myself have picked up a churro as a Tank.

Also, there’s a new 4-player Club Tag that you can append to your name. Also, some South Paw and South Paw Tactical control schemes have been added. There’s also multiplayer ready functionality so a game can start before the timer runs out if most players press X in the lobby and set themselves as ready. Also, several new loading movies appear, such as a Support riding a Bouncer, both the Hotshot and Icemen pit-girls high-fiving and chest bumping each other, and the Icemen pit-girl trying to free a poor Tank, who has his tongue stuck on a Shaveice.

Ha! Gets me every time. If you just saw this picture, comment/email me ‘I just saw the aftermath of a Tank kissing a Shaveice.’ Silly Tank. Shaveices are for slowing down, not for kissing. Maybe you’re mistaking that turret for someone else…

Anyways, that’s about all I can blog about the DLC before my fingers get sore and I have to drench them in ice-cold water. How do you stop that? Subscribe or like my posts. It’s a donation to the Sam Mwakasisi Getting-Sore-Hands-and-Drenching-Them-in-Ice-Cold-Water Fund. Together, you can help stop my fingers from getting sore.

L8trs, Sam



Hey guys it’s Sam, and there’s a new post, HOORAY! My computer has Internet, and now I can post an epic new post! YAY! Starting today, I’ll put up some “pro tips” for Xbox 360 games that I may own, in or out of Xbox LIVE Arcade. And, yes, today’s pro-tip game is inside XBLA…it’s Monday Night Combat.

I know I’ve talked about it in the past, but I’ve seen that there are some strategies to become a better combatant. So it’s fun to show off fully-upgraded skills, but then you realize you have zero to not enough money to build turrets, and bots will be afoot. So bots will leave behind a few coins, and maybe some juice. Don’t just scramble to collect it, and start shooting bots again. USE YOUR MONEY! Build it on turrets you think will be a big help in the battle, especially in Crossfires or intense Blitzes. You simply can’t have more than $500 not building turrets. Some of you may have your own ways, but I am putting my foot down on it. If you have more than $1000 not building turrets…son, I am disappoint.

PRO-TIPS

If you’re an Assassin (which I greatly disapprove of), grapples are more effective from the back. Surprise your unaware opponents or Black Jacks. It’s at least better killing then being killed.

If you’re a Support (thumbs up, btw), you might think about putting up a Firebase or two. Firebases could work in Crossfires, or Blitzes, even the really light ones like Exhibition and Season. Firebases are planted by pressing Y. It’s as simple as that. Just a peck of the Y button. No holding. Just a peck. Firebases are also taken out by pressing Y. So when you’re directly by a Firebase, think. Will you hack into it so it will have a better range and rate of its fires? Or will you take it out so you will plant it in a safer place that’s not bot-infested? Like in real life, THINK. Because Firebases may just save your life when you’re being pounded to a pulp by a Bouncer.

If you’re an Assault (my guy), you might think about using your grenade launcher mostly, and not just your assault rifle. Especially with Slims. A couple bullets will take out one Slim, but for me, a grenade destroys 2 in a row. Conserve your bullets. Waste your grenades. That’s the Sammwak way.

…..

Hungry for more Pro-Tips? Comment/email me the game you want me to pro-tip, and you could be responsible for the next postful of pro-tips! Don’t know how? Select this post and scroll all the way to the bottom. There should be a Leave a Comment box waiting for you right there.

L8trs, Sam

 


 



Hey guys it’s Sam and you remember how I got a 360, right? (If u don’t, click here!)

Well, we have tons of demos, including Sonic 1-3, Sonic and Knuckles, Sonic Adventure, Sonic Unleashed, and even Sonic and Sega All Stars Racing. We also have few trials, including Sonic 4: Episode I, and Monday Night Combat.

I’m basically here to talk about the trial for Monday Night Combat. It’s crazy fun, and it doesn’t even have blood in it, unlike Mortal Kombat. Let me tell you how it goes:

You are either an Assault, Tank, Sniper, Assassin, Support, or a Gunner. You have to protect your Moneyball (a stationary ball full of $$$) from being destroyed, while destroying your opponent’s Moneyball to win. It’s basically that you must abide and conquer, or it’s that all your base are belong to you.

One mode is Crossfire, where teams of six compete to destroy one another’s Moneyball. Another mode is Blitz which can be played local or via Xbox LIVE, in versions like Exhibition and Season, where up to four characters protect their Moneyball against difficult waves of bots. Speaking of bots, these bots are:

Black Jacks - These guys are the most common breach bots. Black Jacks usually come in groups, especially in Blitzes. These guys are the larger and more armored and fire-powered brothers of the Slim Bots, and are “the bread and butter” of all bots. They can be grappled by all classes, and have a strong melee attack.

Bouncers - Keep your distance from Bouncers. They’re durable Eliminator Bots that deal extreme melee damage, and can kill injured combatants with ease. Gunners and Tanks can spawn Bouncers in Crossfire battles.

Buzzers - Buzzers are Eliminator Bots, that are fast and hard to shoot. They also can kill a pro with enough damage from its suicidal kamikaze attack. In Crossfires, Assaults can spawn Buzzers. If you’re an Assassin, never slash at a Buzzer, because you’ll only be inflicting the damage on yourself.

Gremlins - Assassins spawn these annoying bots in Crossfires. They are small with little health like an Assassin. Like Assassins, they can cloak from afar and turn visible at close ranges. Shaveice turrets are usually the trick in slowing these guys down.

Gap Shots – Supports have the access to spawning these in Crossfires. They fire projectiles in the air which fall on unaware players, enemy turrets, or other bots.

Slims: These guys are the weakest out of the bot force in health AND damage. An Assault’s grenade launcher can dispatch 2 Slims with ease (at least, for me). A single fully-upgraded sniper rifle shot can dispatch many Slims in 1 hit. Even Assassins can kill Slims with one well-aimed dagger swipe. A Gunner’s Slam can destroy many Slims in 1 hit. A Tank’s Death Blossom can destroy many Slims at close ranges.

Scramblers - These are short-range, mid-speed, and armored bots. They have a skill-draining aura that unwinds pros’ skill meters. It also drains the Grapple skill. Snipers spawn Scramblers in Crossfires.

Jackbots – Jackbots are the largest and most powerful bots out of the force. Jackbots appear in both Blitzes and Crossfires. One Jackbot “ground slam” can daze one pro. Blitz appearances occur every 10 rounds, although there are exceptions.

Also, there are turrets you can use to defend yourself in a bot attack, those turrets are the Lazer Blazers (the cheapest at $25), the Longshots, the Shaveices, and the Rochits.

Lazer Blazer: The cheapest out of the pack at twenty five bucks. However, when even upgraded at the highest level (3), it’s still the most rejected turret ever.

Longshot: What do you think a Longshot is? It shoots from long distances. For instance, it could successfully hit a Black Jack when it’s across the arena. It costs only $75 to build one.

Shaveice: Shaveices are turrets that slow bots down…must I say more? If you got $100 left, you could always cash it in for a Shaveice.

Rochit/Rocket: Rocket turrets are turrets that shoot rockets! They are the most used turrets out of the pack. $200 and you’re ready to Rocket it up!

Here is a picture of all the turrets. Up to down: Laser Blazer, Shaveice, Long Shot, Rocket.

……………………

The Monday Night Combatants are:

Assault - My main combatant. He weighs in at 245 pounds, and is 6’6″, and also wields a grenade launcher that can destroy 2 Slim bots with one grenade. That’s how epic this guy is. His skills are Bomb, Fly, Assault, and Charge. Here are some Assault quotes:

“Ha-ha-ha, I love what you do.” (assault rifle taunt)

“Stand aside; I take large steps.” (grenade launcher taunt)

“Time to unleash the tiger!” (all juiced up)

Assassin: She could be used in Crossfire, but she has the worst health. You could kill her REAL easily. She can literally turn invisible (this being “cloaking”) and sneak up on bots and slash the nuts and bolts out of them. But still, she’s a bad use in combat. Her skills are Assassin, Cloak, Dash, and Smoke Bomb. She’s the most silent combatant, so we won’t be showing her quotes.

Gunner: This Hawaiian combatant wields a giant gun that can rip the nuts and bolts out of any bot, anytime. This beast is literally unstoppable, and he will suck the skill right out of you if you get too close. His skills are Slam, Deploy, Grapple, and Gunner. Here are a few Gunner quotes:

“Oooh, let’s do this tiki style!” (minigun taunt)

“You mess with my team, you gonna be crab fat, bruddah!” (mortar launcher taunt)

Sniper: A requirement for any shooter, this guy can kill enemies far across the map like Long-shot turrets. If someone is able to sneak past his fire, like the Assassin for instance, he’ll kill them with his SMG, equipped for a chance of survival. His skills are Flak, Traps, Grapple, and Sniper. Here are some of his quotes:

“Alright! I got a plan and I need one more. Who wants to take a bullet for me?” (sniper rifle taunt)

“If Speed and Deadly accuracy had children, I’d be their favorite.” (SMG taunt)

“At least someone else out here is doing their job!”

“Juice…is…served!” (all juiced up)

Support: This guy is the Italian backbone to any team. He is useful on both defense and offense. He also has the ability to increase the effectiveness of turrets, heal them with his heal/hurt gun, and hack into them to change the range and rate of fires. He is equipped with a heal/hurt gun that can heal things like teammates and turrets, and hurt things like bots. He can also plant Firebases, that actually are pretty swell multitaskers; they can heal you while holding off a group of Black Jacks, for example. His skills are Firebase, Hack, Air Strike, and Support. Here are some of his quotes:

“The water that supports the jet ski is the same that engulfs it!” (heal/hurt gun taunt)

“Scuza me!” (shotgun taunt)

“I am a-thirsty full of the juices!” (all juiced up)

“I feel like my heart is drinking a million espressos!” (unloading juice)

“How do you say, we gonna make it rain now?”

Tank: This is like the Gunner’s brother in terms of high health, slow speed, and sheer strength. With his jet-gun, acting like a literal flamethrower, he can easily light enemies on fire, even making the most seasoned pros flee for their lives. His skills are Product Grenade, Deploy, Jet Charge, and Tank. His secondary weapon is a railgun, which only has a slow-to-moderate fire rate. Here are his quotes:

“When these fists talk, no one’s deaf.” (jet-gun taunt)

“I LIVE FOR THIS!” (railgun taunt)

And these aren’t really Monday Night Combatants, but staff members:

Pit girl – The pit girl is basically the cheerleader and handywoman of MNC. She can spawn and upgrade turrets on demand. Her role in MNC is almost making her a second announcer, she tells pros when their shields are down. She looks down on the Assassin in spite of cheering other pros on, stating her “uglier than a tree full o’ possums”, but still cheers her on nonetheless.

Bullseye: Bullseye is the MNC mascot. He is usually frolicking about the arena, leaving himself open to pros’ fire.  He literally bleeds coins, juice, bacon, cans of Spunky Cola, etc. Bullseye also makes appearances in Crossfires, especially at the end of matches when a team’s Moneyball explodes, and Bullseye emerges out of it, dancing the celebration dance. He simply cannot be grappled, as he can belly bump you. Bullseye’s head can be unlocked as an avatar award for completing the tutorial.

Mickey Cantor: Mr. Cantor is the announcer of MNC. He seems to hold considerable influence over the MNC fans, reminding them that they must return to their assigned dwelling in before goverment mandated curfews are in effect and informing them of specified locations for fan brawls. He is dubbed “Mr. Controversy”, and has survived 6 assassination attempts, 2/6 successful to become the greatest MNC announcer…

……

Also, during MNC commercial breaks, the announcer will announce an advertisement for some product. Speaking of products…:

Gobi Numb Extra Strength – Why heal it, when you don’t have to feel it?

Steel Peel: No one can resist a Steel Peel man.

GrenAdeiii: An explosion of flavor…in your mouth.

Spunky Cola: Energy. Loaded.

Total Recoil: Knock your enemies into next week – literally.

Ammo Mule: Keep your ammo cool…and your bacon hot. (Official MNC cooler)

FocusAll: FocusAll. Get your edge back faster with FocusAll. Now in sandwich spreadable form.

Sprintz Sports Gum: Now with 10% less liver damage…and the sweet smell of lemons!!!

LaseRazor: Start your day with LaseRazor, the only razor with six quantum plasma lasers for maximum comfort, patented all terrain pivot and new ShaveIce gel pack cartridge and handy applicator for an avalanche of foamy frozen comfort, to help you turn that sandpaper into silk, anytime, anywhere. (Official MNC shaver)

Itchy Finger: Hold it down without a frown.

Dr. Trigger: Whether plasma gun or blunder buss, Dr. Trigger cleans it without a fuss. Dr. Trigger. Get your prescription for a sluggish rate of fire, from Dr. Trigger, today!

Round Hound: Less shooting, more looting. That’s the Round Hound promise.

Achille’s Ocular Implants: Achille’s!!!! If the mind is your enemy’s greatest weapon, all the more reason to shoot them in the head.

Metabolightning: Hey, if the rumors were true, could we sell it?

Grandma Betty’s: The old-fashioned way to aim.

…….

I’m in luck, since Monday Night Combat is only for the 360…make that the Xbox LIVE Arcade. And not to be braggy, but…it’s AWARD TIME! Moderately, this game was well received in its reception. Take a look:

GameRankings - 79.6%

Metacritic - 79/100

Eurogamer - 9/10

Game Informer - 7.75/10

GamePro - 4 stars out of 5

Game Revolution - A-

IGN - 8/10

PALGN - 8/10

And I have some well received reception of my own: I give it 8.8/10. 4 1/2 stars out of 5. An A. 9/10. So basically, I give it 8.8. Different thoughts? KA-POLL!:

Sammwak signing out…somebody chest bump me!



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