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Hey guys it’s Sam, and let’s talk turkey about Sam is Random, even though Thanksgiving isn’t till November this year. SIR is just about anything that comes to my mind that I feel like sharing with my brethren fans, and I’m just going to tell you one thing: GOOSEBUMPS IS PLAIN WEIRD. And I’ll give you a couple tidbits of proof (some I’ve read, some I haven’t). Just to dub Stine every time he publishes a new book: “Reader beware—you’re in for a scare!”

Brain Juice - This is not only a downright weird Series 2000 entry, but a disgusting one as well. You just need to tell from the cover and its purple juice-oozing brain that this is a terrible thing to read, just like people say minds are. After two kids down some alien-manufactured brain juice, they literally turn into geniuses (dumb, but predictable), and these aliens are looking for young geniuses just like their kind. What. See, I haven’t read this book, so I wouldn’t know how strange it is. As I will quote Troy Steele from Blogger Beware, “Based on the number of times some variation of the word “stupid” was used in Brain Juice, the target audience must have been Andy from Monster Blood.” A mind actually would be a terrible thing to drink: that is, if aliens actually existed.

Chicken Chicken - Let me tell you, I’m not the only one who thought this book was a mistake from minute one. Well, it’s about these two kids named Crystal and Cole, Crystal being the redheaded goodie gumballs, and Cole being the obsessive prankster who could even make his mom dial the doctor for his case of red Sharpie chicken pox. But the book actually picks up a lot later when Crystal, Cole, and this dude named Anthony charge into this girl named Vanessa after buying groceries. While Anthony apologizes and abandons his friends (smooth move), Vanessa mutters “Chicken chicken” to them, and guess what? They—no, I think you can figure that out yourself. In a world where no one notices you’ve grown a freaking beak at school, and people can cast spells on you that turn you into animals (no, I think we did that already), this book had to be created. I’m not even going to waste more space ranting and/or describing this book’s failures for you, and just quote Troy again: “…I can not possibly foresee any other Goosebumps book I read being worse than this.”

The Blob That Ate Everyone - This book just masters the art of being bad. Bad name, bad cover, bad tagline, bad storyline, bad book! But we’re here to explain how it’s weird: There’s this boy named Zackie Beauchamp who wants to be a successful horror writer, which makes sense because…never mind. He’s conceiving a story about a pink blob that devours a whole town. The end. Then he finds a typewriter in a burnt-down antique store, takes it home, and becomes BFFs with it in the same way RL Stine found his new friend when he was a kid. Anyway, there’s something strange about the typewriter. Something extraordinary. Oh yeah; everything Mr. Beauimnottypinghisnameagain writes come true. Ooh, so spooky. Even though things get serious when the blob monster comes to life, there’s one thing I’m revealing: it’s not the typewriter…

My Best Friend Is Invisible - Do I have to waste space describing this to you? Well, I will: it’s a story starring me (or, at least, a boy with my name) which renders me totally into ghosts and sci-fi, which I am not. My parents only believe in legit science, themselves being research scientists who think I don’t have the perfect hobby. But now I met this kid who’s a total thorn in the side, crashing in my room, nom-nomming my breakfast. I gotta get this nuisance out of here—but the thing is, he’s flopping invisible. OMG. The weirdest pat of the book was definitely its ending, and I can’t spoil the book, so you could go buy it, or check out its page on Blogger Beware. If you’re not a fan of wasting time Googling, you can just click here for the review of My Best Friend Is Invisible. Surely you’re a fan of that.

The Werewolf in the Living Room - Nuff said.

Bride of the Living Dummy - Okay, now I get it: Slappy’s jealous because Chucky’s stealing all his spotlight. He does everything Chucky does, and he still gets trapped in just books after books while Chucky’s making fame in show biz. Chucky starts out cute, Slappy starts out cute. Chucky comes to life and gets creepy, Slappy comes to life and gets creepy. Chucky dies at the end and gets resurrected, Slappy dies at the end and gets resurrected. Chucky gets a freaking wife, and guess what…Slappy’s got himself a wife!

Invasion of the Body Squeezers, Parts 1 and 2 - This seems to be epic only in the way that Epic Movie is epic. Oh, and one more thing that I forgot…WHAT THE FUDGE MUFFIN IS THIS.

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There are lots more, but it would take you probably the rest of the hour to find that out. Anyway, Goosebumps gives me this strange feeling that ponders in my heart, all strangely warm and pleasant. No it’s not compassion…oh yeah, that’s nostalgia. And I definitely got that strange nostalgic feeling during and after watching this beauty of art:

…and after listening to this greatly composed remix. Did you know that RL Stine is impossible to scare; he just laughs it off? I wonder if he really does rival K.A. Applegate and her Animorphs, or if they’re really friends down deep? Comment me your response and you will receive endless happiness. Now, since you might not be doing anything but reading my blog(s), POP QUIZ! (*insert groaning and moaning*)

1. Carly Beth from The Haunted Mask comes back to help Steve in The Haunted Mask II. True or false?

2. At the end of My Best Friend is Invisible, what disgusts Sam and his family about his invisible friend?

A. He’s a human!

B. He has a Bieber haircut

C. He’s jotting this all down to report to RL Stine to make a Goosebumps book out of it

3. What is the fake superhero persona that Skipper uses to save himself against Libby/the Mutant at the end of Attack of the Mutant?

a. The New Plastic Man

b. The Colossal Elastic Boy

c. Captain Spaghetti Limbs

4. What is the horrible thing that Mr. Toggle does to people in Piano Lessons Can Be Murder?

a. Forces them to teach their cats how to play Keyboard Cat

b. Cuts off their hands and make the hands play piano music

c. Drive around in a white van with ‘FREE PIANO LESSONS’ on it

5. In Attack of the Jack-o’-Lanterns, who the heck are the pumpkin monsters?

a. Shane and Shana in disguise

b. They’re pumpkin monsters

c. Lee and Tabby ruining another Halloween for them

ANSWERS

1.True 2.A 3.B 4.B 5.A (Extra points if you find the secret code in the revealed answers. Here’s a hint: mamma mia!)

1/5: You’ve heard of Goosebumps, right?

2/5: Ouch, man. Try rereading these books and retaking the test. I’ll be waiting right here…

3/5: Bad, but not bad. Are you sure you didn’t try winging this and tried to remember when you read these in the second grade?

4/5: Not bad of a job, partner. I have some open spots for my Page by Page book club. Want to join?

5/5: Well done, Mr. Knows-His/Her-Goosebumps! I applaud your knowledge and the fact that you’re ready for my new performance test!

……………………..

S.C.R.L.S.T. If you don’t know what that means, it’s that you should subscribe, comment, rate, like, and stay tuned! Be on the lookout for more SIR posts coming your way. Also do me a solid and check out 2Sam2Mwak and Stories for Bedtime, will ya? I’ll give you a cookie…

- Sam

p.s. I thought I might as well exit this post in style…



This case just needed to be rested. Hey guys, it’s Sam once again, coming back this time for yet another count down for the top ten Nintendo 64 games. I personally own a Nintendo 64, but all we have is Diddy Kong Racing and the somewhat critically-worshiped Super Mario 64. This case just needed to be cracked one way or another, and especially with all these Legend of Zelda games (especially Ocarina of Time being worshiped as the best—and I mean best—game of all time), I needed to put my foot down and take a chance…and I’m looking at my own opinions, not Wikipedia’s most bestselling N64 games. Well, enough talk, let’s go onto #10…

“ClayFighter 63 1/3 goes right back to boring players to tears” – GameSpot, 3.1/10

There really was no other spot bad enough to scratch the bottom of the barrel. Interplay’s ClayFighter 63 1/3 (mocking the fad of N64 games that have 64 as a suffix in their title, like Pilotwings 64) is either one of the funniest N64 games created, or one of the console’s worst letdowns, depending on who you rely on. The third of the ClayFighter series, after the original SNES ClayFighter and its sequel C2 Judgement Clay, it still continues its ancestors’ trend of using stop-motion clay animation (aka claymation) to provide cheesy but hilarious fighting. With parodies at every corner of the game, such as Mortal Kombat-mimicking “claytalities”, and “Let’s get ready to crumble!” based off of “Let’s get ready to rumble!”, this game was too hilarious for its own good. The gameplay nonetheless was terribly derivative, pathetically visualized, and very annoying with sounding. It’s a balance between a mediocre game and a horrible game. It’s not that I don’t recommend it, but it’s just that I don’t recommend it for people who know their fighting games. Now do you know why this is at the bottom of the list?

FUN FACT: Did you know that ClayFighter 63 1/3‘s later rental-only edition, ClayFighter: Sculptor’s Cut, is one of the rarest and most expensive N64 games of all time?

“…the kind of game you will spend many sleepless nights with” – GameSpot, 8.3/10

#9 goes to Star Fox 64, also known as (in the PAL region) Lylat Wars. This game actually was not the first Star Fox game, as the real original was released for the NES four years before this. You actually couldn’t classify this game as an “aerial space shooter”, but instead a “rail shooter.” This also became a first of N64 history to include the infamous force-feedback Rumble Pak. The game actually originated indeed from Shigeru “Big Boss” Miyamoto, which evolved finally into the process of controlling Fox McCloud and one of his piloted vehicles, usually his Arwing. That Arwing is also known to deflect enemy fire in the midst of performing a popular and official meme, the “barrel roll.” Fox only has 3 other members of his new Star Fox team (passed down from his father after his passing): Falco Lombardi, Fox’s friendly rival, Slippy Toad, Fox’s youthful friend, and Peppy “Barrel Roll” Hare, Fox’s mentor. It has been praised for its enjoyable gameplay, great soundtrack, nice-enough visuals, and more, but the only bad things people had to say were of its incredibly short duration and lack of rumble support. And the reason this game couldn’t even make the top 5 is since I personally know I’d be horrible at rail shooters. Shooting bad guys while keeping track of your team is a lot of work for a kid.

FUN FACT: Did you know that Star Fox 64‘s voice acting originated from Shigeru Miyamoto’s interest in English puppet dramas? While developing the game’s animation sequences, they had the characters’ mouths open and close like puppets.

Does anyone notice "Nintendo 64" emblazoned on this snowboarder's shirt? I want a snowboarding jacket like that.

“…the best snowboarding game around” – GameSpot, 8.6/10

#8 goes to 1080° Snowboarding (pronounced Ten Eighty), the most praised snowboarding game on the Nintendo 64. The player controls a snowboarder in one of six different modes; it has two trick modes (trick attack and contest), three race modes (race, time attack, and multiplayer), a training mode, and options. The objective of the whole game is to either arrive at a finish line as fast as possible, or to receive as much credit for tricks as you can. These wee goals have resulted in 1,230,000 copies sold just in the U.S., but also a ranking as only not even the thirtieth-most bestselling game. It still has been considered either the best snowboarding game created, or one of the most strenuous created, depending on who you rely on.

FUN FACT: Did you know that 1080‘s graphics were the highest on the N64 at that time (aka 1998)?

Diddy Kong Racing probably wasn’t supposed to see the light of day for months” – GameSpot, 6.6/10

#7 goes to the Rare-Nintendo team’s world record-setting Diddy Kong Racing, with 800,000 copies ordered before Christmas 1997 even arrived. Released 2 months after the N64, this game supported the storyline of a tiger named Timber being left in charge of an island soon to be terrorized by the horrific Wizpig, so Timber recruits his racer-skilled friends to form a team and beat Wizpig once and for all. This game is either one of the best or worst N64 racers, depending on either its amazing soundtrack and smooth gameplay outcome, or its horribly tedious story-mode process. This game is the only N64 racing game I have, and so far, it’s a guilty pleasure, and a perfect example of the N64′s unusually impressive freezing abilities. But hey—racers like these don’t come often, and no one like Mickey Mouse should come along and copy it!…What? He already did? Dang it!

FUN FACT: Did you know that Diddy Kong Racing had an entire course in something like beta that sadly never made it to market? That course was called Horseshoe Gulch, and even if I don’t know what domain it belongs to, you can check out the beta course here… (Are you with or against the fact that this course was unreleased? Comment your response, kay-kay?)

“…anyone who wants a great golf game need look no further” – GameSpot, 8.7/10

#6 goes to the Camelot-Nintendo team’s creation of Mario Golf, the actual second game in the eponymous series, after NES Open Tournament Golf, which actually still starred Mario and Luigi. This game was a critic’s paradise with no review with a score dropping below a limit of 8.0/80%. IGN was even nice enough to cater a perfect score for the game! This game actually is a blast, with its keen and precise golfing engines, like setting power. There are 11 characters in the game overall (with 3 unlockables), who include Mario, Luigi, Bowser, Donkey Kong, Metal Mario, and even our beloved Baby Mario. The first golfing game our princess-saving plumber has starred in with 3D computer graphics (like Super Mario 64 introducing Mario to 3D graphics), this game was just released in mid-summer 1999, and for the duration of five years, it’s gotten two sequels, plus a mobile golfing simulator. What could be better than such a unique game?

FUN FACT: Did you know that Mario Golf was developed by Camelot, and this was its first Mario game to contribute in?

“…strikes gold on the three points that matter most: value, gameplay, and fun” – GameSpot, 8.2/10

I know, a Mario sports game beat another Mario sports game, big shocker. But Mario Tennis is our first member of the top 5 best N64 games, and the ace they served up is an unbeatable one. An amazingly good game of tennis that may make your hands sweat instead of your brow, this game really does use its material upon real-life tennis to know what they’re talking about, since every type of tennis shot is present and accounted for. “So what,”, you might scoff, “is it fun?” Yes, no doubt. Matches are fast-paced and entertaining, the hilarity increases every second of the game with unnecessary vocal and visual outbursts, and lots, lots more. Now all Nintendo needs to do is to have its people call Camelot’s people and notify it of the idea of the latest Mario sports game: Mario Table Tennis!

FUN FACT: Did you know that the Mario Tennis series is due to continue sometime in 2012 when the series is serving a brand new ace on the 3DS? Look out for it, 3DS owners (or pre-3DS-gonna-get-one-for-Christmas owners)!

“the type of game N64 owners have been waiting for since they finished Mario 64” – GameSpot, 9.8/10

Surprise! Did I not tell you that there were gonna be a couple surprises up my sleeve?…I didn’t? Well, surprise! #4 1/2 goes to the Rare-Nintendo team’s GoldenEye 007. No offense to all you spy junkies, but I don’t really like James Bond, except for his classic phrases that include “The name’s Bond. James Bond.”, and “Shaken, not stirred” that have obviously skyrocketed him. Speaking of skyrocketing, this game got lots of it into the inclusion of being one of the most important first-person shooters created. Released just as summer 1997 was coming to an end, this game is not only famed for being maybe the only acclaimed movie-licensed game of all time (based off of the 1995 movie of the same name), and also for having one of the cheesiest game-over sequences Nintendo could think of—having James’s vision get drenched in red like in the gun-barrel sequence, and watching Bond hopelessly die from different angles like in a movie. What gets cheesier than that? A ranking as the third-most bestselling N64 game?…

FUN FACT: Did you know that GoldenEye 007 sold 8 million copies, and that amount even beat out Ocarina of Time, by just 1 million consumers, to get into the top 3? Yeah, the bestseller’s list is a huge competition.

“…so graphically clean and simple, one instinctively wants to go exploring” – GameSpot, 9.4/10

#4 somewhat goes to the N64′s most bestselling game, Super Mario 64. Released as the launch game of the console, this game featured the control of Mario in a full 3D-graphic-and-polygon free-roaming platforming adventure game that was one of the most anticipated aspects of the Mario series…hopefully. This game was considered a revolutionary classic by millions of [if not] billions of gamers, getting a near-perfect-to-perfect score whenever one dared to review it. Released just as summer 1996 became official, it has to be called one of the most successful Mario games created, with it and its spiffy 11.62 million copies…

FUN FACT: Did you know that upon meeting Yoshi in the game (which requires 120 stars), he adds life after life until you have a total of 100 lives? I better start working on that!

“…a game that can’t be called anything other than flawless” – GameSpot, 10/10

I know, I know. A game you may call the most legendary of all time only got #3 on the best-of-N64 list. I have a feeling you’re probably urged to pick up your pitchforks and torches and come to my house in all-out riot mode. But this is my own opinion! And I’ll give you some reasons why Ocarina of Time fell to just a #3 score. My own best friend owns this game (like for unnecessary mentionings!), but he says he’s got his socks scared off every time he plays the game. Monsters, mostly. This game may be a worldwide sensation for its unbeatable charms, but when you give this game to a kid…their fearful juices will flow. Even if this game was so famous, even a 3DS remake couldn’t shut everyone’s pieholes, this game is a beautiful nightmare, and just like A Series of Unfortunate Events‘ Lemony Snicket says: “I cherished, you perished, the world’s been nightmarished.”

FUN FACT: Did you know that Ocarina of Time sold 7.6 million copies worldwide, and beat out Super Smash Bros. in the process, by just 2.6 million sellers? Now you know!

“…Stadium comes off as bit of a disappointment” – GameSpot, 5.7/10 (Don’t blame me when I sent vicious and fully-evolved Pokemon to this company’s door.)

I do not understand what GameSpot means when they say this, but to me, Pokemon Stadium was fun enough to reach the #2 slot. This game is just a classic revamped 64-bit imagining of your usual Game Boy Pokemon games: full of strategy, stretches your brain to breaking points, and full of hidden support. Speaking of that support, it can be found with the power to transfer Pokemon from Pokemon Red, Blue, and even Yellow: Special Pikachu Edition, all with the usage of the N64 Transfer Pak, such as how the Rumble Pak provides force feedback. The AI has been toned down to the point where average Pokemon catchers could beat it, as of the Japanese version of the game was actually a sequel, and the original Japan-only game received lots of hate for being so hard. This game is so epic, it doesn’t even need a storyline! The only progress in-game can be made by winning Cups and completing the Gym Leader Castle. People have been looking at it in mixed to positive ways, with one even complimenting it as bringing “a tear of pride to your eye.” All I have to say to that person is three letters: IKR?

FUN FACT: Did you know that the game was released as a cartridge (bet you already knew that), but was originally going to hold use of the Nintendo 64DD. But since the 64DD turned out to be a commercial failure, cartridge format became the transferred, and official, format.

Super Smash Bros. is definitely worth a purchase” – GameSpot, 7.5/10

My, this is just full of surprises, isn’t it? But that announcer is right…something has gone wrong in the happy-go-lucky world of Nintendo, with a paradise of results. Think of being able to duke it out with your favorite Nintendo characters across arenas from your favorite Nintendo games, with music from your favorite Nintendo soundtracks. Mold that all together, and you get Super Smash Bros. at our #2 1/2 slot. This game is just a free world of amazing impression, with cheesy and entertaining violence, heart-stopping enthusiasm from the off-screen audience, and even the most beneficial power-ups I’ve seen in an N64 game since I could pop on my Wing Cap in Super Mario 64 and at least try to fly away. Will you be having fun with a totally boss laser sword, amazingly powerful Bob-ombs, or are you gonna stop and have some Hammer time? You can play as Kirby and always be able to float to safety, Link with the ability to throw his own bombs, Donkey Kong with him and his banana-fueled insanity, Mario (obviously) with his roots that created this game in the first place, Captain Falcon with him and his devastatingly popular (and pioneered) falcon punch, and more! No wonder this game had the 5 million copies that beat out even Diddy Kong Racing!

FUN FACT: Did you know that the Super Smash Bros. series is due to continue with its untitled fourth installment currently announced for the Wii U and 3DS? The date of release is not announced yet, but keep on the lookout for more news!

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And here it is. #1. My favorite N64 game to play. I bet you agree with me, too. The winner of Sam’s Totally Top 10 Best Nintendo 64 Games Created is… (I am now going to upload dramatic music so the suspense can grow with every endearing second.)

“…likely to disappoint you after a week” – GameSpot, 6.4/10

If you know your Mario, there really is no other choice for the top of the barrel. Amazing soundtrack, fun racing, amusing power-up outcomes, this game has it all, but critics just don’t take the time to look at it the right way! This game really does deserve its spot as the second-most bestselling N64 game, and don’t you think otherwise! Kenta Nagata, Shigeru Miyamoto, everyone needs at least a little respect! So I’m giving you some of the best aspects of the game, in a nutshell.

  • Amazing soundtrack. (Some of my favorite songs are Kalimari Desert, Rainbow Road, Toad’s Turnpike, and Banshee Boardwalk (NOT shown above).)
  • Fun racing fueled by easy controls. (And when I say fuel, I mean fuel.)
  • Classic but still fun power-ups. (I will still remember Yoshi’s sacred cry of pain: “Owowowowowowowowowow!”)
  • Good—no, revolutionary—voice acting. (I want to give the person who voiced Toad a passionate rub on the head as well as a dog treat.)

Get the point? If you do, comment, rate, and subscribe, please. If you don’t, try rereading this entire post, alright?

- Sam

p.s. What should I Totally Top 10 next? Comment your opinions, and you could be responsible for our next countdown!



Hey guys it’s Sam, and have you ever wondered how my life is like? Well, you searched upon the right post, because Sammwak presents My Day My Life starring yours truly! This is the ultimate way to take a look at celebrity life, so why not my life?

FIRST ROUTINE

First I wake up in the morning, probably at 11:00 to noon, 1:00 if I’m extra sleepy.  I hobble to the bathroom to comb my hair, brush my teeth, and wash my face. Then I go down for breakfast.

BREAKFAST

I usually have Ensure nutrition drinks (the king of dairy products), even though my sister says it isn’t real breakfast. If we’re on an Ensure shortage, then I usually grab a bowl of cereal, whether it’s plain Cheerios or Lucky Charms.

10-MINUTE GAMING

I used to head down to the family room for some extreme ten-minute gaming. I usually played SSX Tricky (you know, when the PS2 actually still worked), then I varied to Diddy Kong Racing for the N64, and then that was pretty much my last ten-minute gaming time…excluding the nights I bashed on Super Street Fighter IV.

EXTREME COMPUTING

Then I head upstairs, get comfortable in the chair, and relax surfing the web. I usually make a couple post drafts right here on Sammwak, or I help the web otherwise like editing wikis. If there’s something going on in my head, either if it’s something I have or something irrationally wild, I usually make a video about it on my webcam. I also do a great amount of work at Cheezburger.com, where I go under the alias saml0lz. Yes, I have made the home page of several sites several times.

WHAT’S FOR LUNCH?

I usually either get called down for lunch, or go myself by around 3:00 to 4:00…or those extremely and lazily unlucky times where I need to have my dinner, which is also my lunch (a lunner?) I usually have a tasty plate of rice, whether it’s white or brown. If I feel extra appetizing, I usually garnish my meals with strips of bacon. During or after my meal, I usually go to the bathroom to have a baby. My latest boy was named Mr. Feces. Where is he now? In his home…halfway between my toilet and the Atlantic Ocean.

Then I go back upstairs and repeat Extreme Computing all over again.

VIDEOHEAD

I go on YouTube every day. Both to get a few laughs out, or to check some of my channels…sorry, me and my brother’s channel. Yeah, I watch viral videos (Annoying Orange and whatnot), and some channels I really like (nigahiga, TheFineBros, etc.) get subscribed…on Google Reader.

DINNER DASH

Just take a look back up at What’s for Lunch? I usually have rice, whether I have to wash it down with a bowl of Romaine hearts. (It’s just salad.) The only time I didn’t have rice was when:

A) I went out for dinner (which I wish would happen more often) at a restaurant.

B) I got stuck with a plate of mushy ugali. (That’s corn meal)

Then I infrequently go to the bathroom and have another baby. My latest girl’s a shortie, and her name’s Ms. Scat. She and Mr. Feces are probably raising a wonderful family together.

AFTER-DINNER DOINGS

Okay, now it’s time for my nightlife. My brother usually stays down at the family room with his nighttime meal. I usually watch TV or do some street fighting. Then I usually go back to the TV of mild boredom and watch some TV up until 11:00, my bedtime. But if I feel like a bad boy, I’ll squeeze in a few more minutes of street fighting, just to reward myself.

Then I run upstairs, change into my pajamas (or shower, if I feel like a goody gumball), and drift into sleep, whether it’s quick and dreamless, or with at least one sad, weird, or freakishly creepy dream.

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TRIP DAYS

This is a new kind of day. I usually wake up, do my first routine, and then get whisked off in our Chevy Impala, usually (if not always) to Chicago. We usually make a couple stops at gas stations to get a reload or to reload on energy with some sweets, then we head right back on the road. We usually spend the night at our destination (speaking of destination, did I mention we use a GPS?), then we chug back home. Take all our stuff out. And if we’re extra early, take a nap. Or sleep, whatever you would call it.

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And that, my friend, is a look at my life! Thanks for being a part of Sammwak, and if you blog right here at WordPress, please like my posts. If you don’t blog here, just subscribe and/or leave a comment. Remember, it’s 100% natural!

- Sam

p.s. Tomorrow, I fall into the evil clutches of what is known as…school. Wish me all the luck you can.

p.p.s. This is the first post categorized under Home in a long time.



Hey guys it’s Sam, and I feel really super good today (besides feeling sluggish about it being September aka school month). You know why? Because I checked my site stats, and last Saturday morning I had fifty views! Did you know that’s the same number of homes in a city of Nebraska? Do you know how good that makes me feel? Anyway I figured that it’s a Monday, and after an ignorant hiatus, I’ve decided to come back at you with an old Sammwak original: the top 10 Xbox 360 games! (See I published it!) To agree or disagree? That is the answer. From the fighting ring to the soccer field and everything in between, bring on the list!

10. Get ready to soil your plants in Plants vs Zombies.

It's like Left 4 Dead, but with plants.

for animated blood and cartoon violence.

One of last year’s most memorable games that hit the Xbox Live Arcade, PvZ took tower defensive games to the next level. If you’re not very “bright” (get it?), you won’t know the storyline: Your house is attacked by hordes of zombies looking for brains, and while you chill in your house, the only battlefield you have is your lawn. The soldiers? Plants.

HOW THIS GAME ROCKED: Beautiful graphics never go awry. Endless amount of opportunities, such as getting new plants (earned or bought as a Twiddydinky) or facing new zombies. Impressive mini games when you want to take a break from the adventure. Awesome versus mode.

HOW IT DIDN’T: You actually have to w-w-(if I say this, my lips will swell like salami)-work to earn things! Progress is unbelievably slow (unlike the iPhone version, the most fair edition sold). Take a white kid and dab two drops of ketchup on his neck and call him a vampire, that’s simply not my league of gaming.

9. Be the predator, but don’t be the prey in Mirror’s Edge.

Faith in mid-fight with a “Blue.”

  for blood, violence, and language.

One of 2008-2010′s most reflected action-adventure games (and my sister’s only played game), taking the phrase “freedom of movement” to a dangerously high level. You play as Faith, a 24-year old in a utopian city that makes a living as a runner, a master of parkour who carries communiques about the city. Faith discovers corruption at the city’s core, and she gets hunted down (at least, that’s what the back said). Along the way, you encounter the Pursuit Police (also skilled in parkour), former runner Jackknife, and even Ropeburn the bulky wrestler!

HOW THIS GAME ROCKED: The most beautiful graphics I’ve seen in an action-adventure game. The core controls are super easy, and you can string them together for even more combat skill. Reasonable voice acting for each character, and a real bang of an ending.

HOW IT DIDN’T: Freaking impossible, even on easy. The combat does sag a little, and the amount of trial and error is time-sucking, soul-sucking, and…well, frustrating.

8. Team up and throw down in Skate 3.

Who’s gonna break the most bones? Guess in your comment!

for crude humor, drug reference, mild violence, suggestive themes, and language.

The third and most recent installment in Electronic Art’s open-world skateboarding series Skate, this game flipped into retail stores May 2010. Since San Vanelona has put up a strict skate-free rule, we take to the streets of Port Carverton (home of the Sharks). But this city of not only the residence of Sharks, but stars. Stars in the skateboarding history, that is, from Danny Way to Rob Dydrek and everyone in between.

HOW THIS GAME ROCKED: The controls did churn out easy and quite impressive. The environments were breathtaking and so lifelike, and there are very worthy skaters to unlock, even if they’re skeletons of slabs of meat. Simply throwing yourself off buildings is instant fun.

HOW IT DIDN’T: The engine just couldn’t keep up with the visuals, so every now and then Skate 3 does glitch up (carrying the series’ old tradition). The droning format it undergoes simply melted away my entertainment. Challenges slowly got impossible.

FUN FACT: Did you know that the game before this installment was not Skate 2, but instead the spin-off Skate It? Since Thanksgiving 2008, this extreme sporting game has been getting air on the DS, the Wii, and the iPhone.

7. It’s a futuristic battle to the finish in Monday Night Combat.

An Iceman Assassin gives a juiced piggyback ride to a Hotshot Assault. Hey, am I next?

Juicing up the XBLA last summer as part of the Xbox Live Summer of Arcade, MNC has intelligent and heavy use of a Monday Night Football background, with a character-class based system with clones that fight for money. Speaking of money, there’s a Moneyball (a ball of money….) that must be defended on one team, while destroyed on the other. Classes, defense, money…yup, it’s pretty much tower defense.

HOW THIS GAME ROCKED: The visuals are also clean and striking, and the controls are actually awfully easy at the core. It makes you feel as if you’re in the arena, and I might be a thick-header for saying this, but it’s very lifelike. Bullseye has to be the best mascot in a 3-person shooter game.

HOW IT DIDN’T: And that’s pretty much it, save the fact that you’re literally blazing bullets every five seconds.

FUN FACT: Did you know that MNC is getting a free-to-play sequel sometime in late 2011 or early 2012 called Super MNC? It’s got new classes, bringing back the old ones, but gives out more of a strategical test.

6. Take the rallies and the ridges in Kinect Adventures.

Two adventurers rush through river rapids in "River Rush."

for…mild animated blood?

The first game for the Xbox 360′s Kinect, Kinect Adventures depicted an adventurous storyline with people looking for journeying. There are five mini-games in Free Play, let alone Adventure Mode: River Rush (see picture), Reflex Ridge, Space Pop, 20,000 Leaks, and Rallyball. Adventure on your own or have a cooperative or competitive time with friends.

HOW IT ROCKED: The events did have lots of range, and they were fun in their own ways. As long as the Kinect could track you, the controls did work good. Successful multiplayer, whether it’s co-op or competition.

HOW IT DIDN’T: The most annoying way of telling players that they can’t be tracked: A huge message pops up in the corner of the screen, and tells you to move backward or move forward or left, IT’S SO ANNOYING! Anyway, the game’s also really repetitive so it doesn’t have much interest for people to stay round for at least a handful of hours.

5. You’re the ninja Terminator, and you’re no conjurer of cheap tricks in Mini Ninjas.

The protagonist Hiro, attacks a massive "large one".

for crude humor and cartoon violence.

Welcome back to the world of Japanese adventure! In this big little action-adventure, flatlands are attacked with horrific weather as bad as earthquakes, and mysterious figures are seen caging animals. The truth is that the Evil Samurai Warlord banished 300 years ago had made an unholy return turning caged animals into mindless warriors in an attempt to take over the world! When the ninja master sends out armies of ninjas with no return, he turns to his final two, knowing that the fate of the world rests in their little hands.

HOW IT ROCKED: Beautiful art making a cohesive world of vibrancy. (sorry, too psychedelic?) Unlimited combat options, which make for some pretty fun fights, whether you need to possess a fox for a quick retreat, or a bear for a good old mauling.

HOW IT DIDN’T: Every flaw literally points their finger at the bad camera. Fighting does get tiresome towards the end of the game. And a not very impressive way to fight bosses, but an extremely hilarious one at most: pantsing them. (I’m not even pulling your chain!) So points for and against you.

4. Get to the dancefloor and get funky in Dance Central.

Miss Aubrey breaks it down mid-game.

The killer app of the Xbox 360′s Kinect (hands down), Dance Central is the second game for the Kinect (see no. 6 for the first) and actually sneaked exercises into what seems to be just having a good time. With a soundtrack with grooves as classic as “Funkytown”, to as current as Pitbull’s “I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho)”. There are ten avatars (counting ELIOT and the Pink Ninja), and t0 top it off, there’s even a ten-second freestyle!

HOW IT ROCKED: Invigorating visuals upon a wide complexity of dance, a helpful training mode. It’s hard to resist dancing with your friends. A party’s dream game.

HOW IT DIDN’T: Girlie moves that men can’t survive to perform. When routines are easy, they’re a little too easy; they’re super-duper-fragilisticexpialadocius-1-million-points easy. No character customization? Well, that stinks, because I was looking forward to dancing under my own creation. And at first glance, you’d think you reached hip-hop-happy land. So why is this game always defending the right to get funky?

3. For these ragdolls, it’s a rush in Activision’s Wipeout: In The Zone.

If old ladies really have to cross streets like this in the future....

for comic mischief and mild cartoon violence.

In 2008, we first received the hilarious show, Wipeout. Then we received Wipeout: The Game in 2010. And now, the Kinect evolution! Yessiree, this game totally supports Kinect gaming! And for once…this isn’t garbage! It’s actually fun for a change, even if you’re playing a little experience at Best Buy!

HOW IT ROCKED: Successful Kinect mechanics for multiplayer, and awesome mechanics of obstacles you’d actually see on the show. Good voice samples and entertaining visuals never grate up. A good game to get a simple handful of laughs out of.

HOW IT DIDN’T: Replays rub your misfortune in your unlucky face. Tasks to do before running a course are embarrassing, like striking poses or dancing. Kinect models do patch up, while it’s infrequent, but noticeable. Not really some achievements worth striving for.

2. Put the pedal to the metal with over twenty Sega characters in Sonic & Sega Racing.

Sonic zooms in the foreground with Tails hot on his track on the Whale Lagoon course.

for comic mischief, cartoon violence, and mild suggestive themes.

First revving into the market February 2010 nine days after Valentine’s Day (six after my birthday), Sonic & Sega Racing is the third and most recent installment in the Sega Superstars crossover series. With an endless amount of courses to unleash your inner all-star, it’s also a great game for friends who want competition, whether it’s racing or the mini-games’ varies from king of the hill to knockout!

HOW IT ROCKED: Very smooth controls with endless speed senses which fall into the beautiful visuals and great frame rates. Impressive course design with plenty of variety and range even when you have to drive in a circle three times. Even when they’re literal Sega mascots to ultimate D-listers, this game has a good mix range of racers. Ultimately successful multiplayer with endless fun.

HOW IT DIDN’T: No way to Grand Prix with a friend. Even with up to four players racing, the one signed in gets all the credit.

———————————

Okay, this is it. My most recommended game. Change your underwear. Man the floorboards. Take your vitamins. Because number one has arrived, and even critics and players alike agree with me all across the country….

A CPU Makoto attacks Dudley with a Hayate. Official X360 Magazine courtesy.

for alcohol reference, mild language, suggestive themes, and, of course, violence.

The best fighting game around for ages. Super Street Fighter IV brought everything back of what we needed. Bringing back “forgotten” characters while introducing newcomers, giving “that new touch” to that old game, man this game has it all. I can do the whole evening just in training mode. No wonder me and my brother made onebyonetv in its honor.

HOW IT ROCKED: Gorgeous models and arena designs. Ultimate success in rebalancing characters along with the robust gameplay. Excellent competitive multiplayer if imperfect. Video replay is the best way to share fights with friends in a new, evolved way. All together, definitely makes a better game than last year’s at 2 thirds of the price.

HOW IT DIDN’T: Only limited to a wee two-player multiplayer. You know what would’ve patched it up? Team battle. DUH! Online fighting does suffer if either fighter has slow connection. Video replay mode could be a tad easier to use.

————-

So that’s all, folks. A deep sorry for not being able to catch up these past weeks, so I forced myself to do this one. Thanks for always being a part of Sammwak, and if you blog here at WordPress, please like this post. And if you’re just a viewer, then please subscribe or leave a comment in that section!

- Sam

p.s. Do you know I’ve gotten up to sixty comments here on Sammwak? Good golly!



Hey guys it’s Sam, and sorry about the long hiatus. Luckily, I have a new treat within a new segment for video games, called Pwn Some Noobs (or, for stylization, PWN SOM3 N00B$!), as a substitute for Gamecritic. You know there are a lot of Game Critics around Google? Today, we’ll take a deep look at one game that you can’t not know. It was the first game for the Xbox 360′s Kinect, back in November 2010. Unveiled at the 2010 E3,  today’s token is the adventurous Kinect Adventures. It’s not the Kinect’s instant killer app, but is it worth the hassle? Let’s find out.

Revving it up in Rallyball!

Kinect Adventures was the Microsoft Studios-Good Science team’s treat for a good kickoff for a new contraption. It was actually featured with every Kinect bought, a “pack-in game”, you might call it. There’s only five mini games, but lots of modes to choose from. Players could take it easy with Free Play, or they could fight for rewards in Adventure Mode, winning achievements and completing journeys. I didn’t had much interest of this game at first, but then I jumped into Adventure Mode. My eyes were opened, and it is now one of my most-played X360 games. The environments are vivid and breathtaking, the sensor does a jolly good job of motion tracking, and the rewards are definitely enough bangs for your buck. Oh, and don’t forget that sleek interface. And don’t get me wrong, it got fairly positive critical feedback. There’s even a solid storyline to keep everything afloat. And it sold a mind-blowing 10 million copies with the Kinect, which ranks as the second-highest sale, behind Call of Duty: Black Ops. Here are the parts where it got a little bumpy.

————————–

- Even at Advanced, excluding time challenges, Adventure Mode is super easy. Not only does it hand successes to you like it’s nobody’s business, but you also have lots of living statues to record.

- Gaming is repetitive with only five mini games: River Rush, where you use your motion to steer down river rapids, Reflex Ridge, where you jump, duck, and dodge your way through an obstacle course, Space Pop, where you use flight and hovering to pop bubbles, 20,000 Leaks, where you use your body to fix leaks started by fish, and Rallyball, where you scramble about sending balls flying into blocks and targets.. Even if they take place at different destinations, it’s still the same thing over and over again.

- Show Off & Share photos bear cheesy, embarrassing captions, like “Superhero Moment”, “Oo! Oo! Call On Me!”, and “Surf the Floor”.

-  Space Pop is punishingly hard if you don’t read the directions. Take it from me, as I was absolutely clueless upon what to do. Despite the fact that I ended up collecting 196 pins…go figure.

- The game has an annoying way of telling you you’re in the wrong place. In the top left corner, a huge pop-up will pop up and indicate where you are in your space! Not only is that annoying, but it’s super annoying!

- Games get real old, real fast. Even critics will tell you the exact same thing.

————-

CRITICS CALL

The game walked away with lots of sixes and sevens, and churning out only one eight. GameSpot gave the game a 7.0, saying: “This motion-based minigame collection is inconsistent, but it gives you a good excuse to start leaping and scrambling around with your new Kinect.” The game got a critic score of 6.6, while users bumped up their own score to a 7.3. Metacritic coughed up a 61 out of 100 for Kinect Adventures, and 1UP.com with a B at 80/100. G4′s X-Play gave the game 4 out of 5 stars overall.

FINALE

Kinect Adventures rallies up a 7 out of 10, a 7.0 out of 10, and a 72 out of 100. If you get the Kinect, please get some other game, because this game gets old and won’t have the interest rate to last you more than 2 hours. Capiche? Oh, and you know what else doesn’t have the interest rate to last you more than 2 hours? Today’s question, which comes from a user named FickDBanana…Fick again? Anyways, he said: “If you could start your own cereal business, what would you name your first cereal?” You heard the bananabrain! What would you name your own cereal?…This should be good. Leave your creative answers in my comment section, or via email.

This is Sam on Sammwak, and see you next Friday where we get to, again, PWN SOM3 N00B$!

Yours truly,

Sam



March is simply the month of luck, greens, and greens. And especially comes that time where I can FINALLY give you another uproarious edition of joke compilations. That’s right, fellow jokesters and/or jokees. March’s compilation of Joke Time with yours truly has finally come around! (This is also an apology for my long absence. Think of it as a hiatus.)

Q&A JOKES

Where do fish keep their credit cards?…In the river bank!

How does an egg get to work?…It drives in a Yolkswagen!

What type of car does a cow drive?…A Cattle-ac!

STORY JOKES

A director is screen testing Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger for a film on composers. Not having figured out who’s which composer, he asks Sylvester which composer he’d like to be. Sylvester said he wanted to be Mozart. Then he asked Arnold what HE’D like to be. Arnold replied, “Ah’ll be Bach!”

A woman has twins and gives them for adoption. One goes to an Egyptian family and is named “Amal.” The other goes to a Spanish family and is named “Juan.” Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to the woman, who said to her husband that she wished for a picture of Amal as well. Her husband said, “But they’re twins–if you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”

YO MAMA – Yo mama’s so ______……..

Yo mama’s so fat, when she jumped off the Empire State Building, she turned around and gave Jesus a high-five!

Yo mama’s so poor, she has the ducks throw bread at HER!

Yo mama’s so fat, her BMI is measured in acres!

Yo mama’s so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sits next to EVERYBODY!

Yo mama’s so stupid, she tried organizing her M&M’s in alphabetical order!

Yo mama’s so stupid, she put paper on the TV and said it was pay-per-view!

PUNS – Lemons are sour, these jokes aren’t! SWEET!

I was aboard a ship with my crew and a bunch of root beer. It was told I was being so cocky they threatened to make me walk the plank. And when I did, before I jumped I asked, “Can I at least have one more mug of root beer?” The pirate said, “Of course!” So I took the mug and JUMPED! And I would’ve drowned if it hadn’t been for one thing…ROOT BEER FLOAT!

It was comedy night. All of the best comedians were attending a shot at the best jokes. The next contestant walks up to the microphone confidently and begins, “Crowd, I have a story to tell you.” Next, a voice out of the crowd shouts, “WHY DON’T YOU MAKE IT 10 STORIES AND THEN JUMP?”

Did you hear about the guy whose entire left side was cut off. Don’t panic. He’s all right now!

When William joined the military for war, he didn’t like the saying, “Fire at will”.

Sometimes feet and noses are built backwards: Their feet smell and their noses run.

I relish the fact that you’ve mustard enough strength to ketchup to me.

Greengrocers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, take a leek, turnip the covers endive into bed.

…………………………..

This would’ve gone on for lots more, but I can’t give away all the rest of the volumes. Come back soon for an April edition of Joke Time with yours truly! Lemons are sour, my jokes aren’t! SWEET!

- Sam

 



Hey guys it’s Sam and the second volume of Joke Time has finally arrived! Since I was fortunate enough to get the Captain Underpants Extra Crunchy Book o’ Fun 2 for Christmas (thanks again to Eneke, the eldest sister of my family), I have a boatload of new jokes to tell! Let’s get jokin’! (Oh, and BTW, the jokes noted with an asterisk (*) come from my Book o’ Fun.)

Q&A Jokes:

Q) Why did the cookie cry?

A) Because his mom had been a wafer so long.*

………

Q) Why was the mushroom always invited to parties?

A) Because he was a fungi!*

…….

Q) Why does Ms. Ribble keep a stick of dynamite in her auto-emergency kit?

A) In case she gets a flat and needs to blow up one of her tires.*

…….

Q) What’s the difference between a fish and a piano?

A) You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish!

………..

Q) What do you get when you cross a porcupine with a great white shark?

A) As far away as possible.

 

Knock-Knock Jokes:

You: Knock-knock.

Friend: Who’s there?

You: Olive Toop.

Friend: Olive Toop who?

You: Well, so do I, but you don’t hear ME braggin’ about it!*

…………..

You: Knock-knock.

Friend: Who’s there?

You: Acute.

Friend: Acute who?

You: Acute little boy! (from kidsjokes.co.uk)

……….

You: Knock-knock.

Friend: Who’s there?

You: Ada.

Friend: Ada who?

You: Ada lot for breakfast! (from kidsjokes.co.uk)

………

You:  Knock-knock.

Friend: Who’s there?

You: Ada.

Friend: Ada who?

You: Ada burger for lunch! (from kidsjokes.co.uk)

………..

You: Knock-knock.

Friend: Who’s there?

You: Ada.

Friend: Ada who?

You: Ada turkey for dinner!

……………..

And now….the grand finale jokes!

George: Excuse me, mister, I’d like to buy some toilet paper.

Grocery store clerk: What color would you like?

George: Just give me white. I’ll color it myself!*

…….

Ms. Ribble: Harold, if I gave you two goldfish, and Melvin gave you four goldfish, how many would you have?

Harold: Eleven.

Ms. Ribble: ELEVEN?!!? Hah! You’re WRONG, bub!

Harold: No, you’re wrong. I already have five goldfish back at home!*

………

Become the ultimate jokester! Make friends and family laugh! Make yourself laugh, with these dandy jokes from Joke Time with Sam Mwakasisi! Keep your eyes peeled for volume three in 2011!

L8trs, Sam

 



Hey guys it’s Sam and guess WHAT TIME IT IS?!?! It’s JOKE TIME!!! That’s right, I’ve started a new segment on Sammwak called “JOKE TIME w/ Sam Mwakasisi”, hosted by yours truly! Be the jokester of them all, telling randomly funny jokes or pulling them on unsuspecting victims! Without further ado, let’s get to the jokes!:

Knock-Knock Jokes – These aren’t temporarily “victim” jokes, but friend jokes…:

You: Knock-knock.

Friend: Who’s there?

You: I’m a pile-up.

Friend: I’m a pile-up who?

You: No, you’re not! Don’t be so hard on yourself, buddy!

(from The Captain Underpants Extra Crunchy Book o’ Fun)

You: Knock-knock.

Friend: Who’s there?

You: Sadie.

Friend: Sadie who?

You: Sadie Pledge of Allegiance.

(from knock-knock-joke.com)

You: Knock-knock.

Friend: Who’s there?

You: Island.

Friend: Island who?

You: Island on your roof with my parachute.

………..

Q&A Jokes – i.e. “Why did the chicken cross the road”…

Q: Why do sharks live in saltwater?

A: Because pepper water makes them sneeze.

(from The Captain Underpants Extra Crunchy Book o’ Fun)

Q: Why did Batman cross his legs?

A: He had to go to the batroom.

(from The Captain Underpants Extra Crunchy Book o’ Fun)

Q: How do you tell a male chromosome from a female chromosome?

A: You pull down its “genes”!

(from Big Nate in a Class By Himself)

Q: What did the mother buffalo say to the son buffalo when he went to college?

A: Bison.

(from The Captain Underpants Extra Crunchy Book o’ Fun)

Yo Mama Jokes – Yo mama’s so _____….:

Yo mama’s so skinny, she hula-hoops with a Cheerio!

Yo mama’s so dirty, she makes mud look clean!

Yo mama’s so fat, when she gets on an elevator, she HAS to go down! (from Big Nate in a Class by Himself)

Yo mama’s so fat, she fell and made the Grand Canyon!

Yo mama’s so ugly, they filmed “Gorillas in the Mist” in her shower!

All of these (well, almost) were powered from funnyjokesmania.com. Read it and lol!

……..

And a special wrapper-upper joke….Ketchup and Liquor!

This is the final joke of volume uno, and yes, it is our first VICTIM JOKE!!! Grab a victim, and read on. And you must tell the victim they have to answer “ketchup and liquor” to every question:

You: What did you have for breakfast today?

Victim: Ketchup and liquor.

You: What did you have for lunch today?

Victim: Ketchup and liquor.

You: What did you have for dinner today?

Victim: Ketchup and liquor.

You: What do you do when you see a pretty girl passing by?

Victim: Ketchup and liquor.

You: You “ketchup” (catch up) with the girl and “liquor” (lick her)? Man, you are NASTY!

………..

Sorry to bust your water bottles, but this is the end of volume one. :( But check back for more funny bone-tickling, laugh-rising volumes of JOKE TIME w/ Sam Mwakasisi!

L8trs, Sam

p.s. What jokes do YOU want in the next volume? Comment/email me your best joke(s), and you could be responsible for the next handful of jokes or less!



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