Game n Vote: Righteous Quest 2/Jumping Finn


Hey guys it’s Sam, and remember the last time we had a Game n Vote session? I know…early 2011, right? Or was it 2010? Well, I’ve decided to revive our beloved segment to kick off the New Year, and if one can do that, they must be very honored. Well, today I’m reviewing another Adventure Time game that’s as frustrating as it is fun. Ladies, gentlemen, and magical dogs, I give you Righteous Quest 2.

Sadly, there's little skill to be found in this game, Finn.

Righteous Quest 2 is the same Adventure Time-themed 2D platformer that Righteous Quest was, but definitely less fun. This game takes place over five (not including the unlockable Lumpy Space level) destinations: the Candy Kingdom, where you fend off Candy Zombies, the Obstacle Course, where you make your way through traps and Battle Cubes, the Ice Kingdom, where you make your way through snow monsters and slippery land, the Ninja Passage, where you make your way through Marceline-sent ninjas, and finally the ultimate boss battle level, starring Marceline herself.

Thankfully enough, this game is a bit more harder than the first Quest, making it at least a bit more fun. The Ninjas come back and now take several hits to defeat, the Ice Kingdom’s snow monsters take 2 hits to destroy, etc. The bad thing about this game is that it takes its responsibilities way too far and turns the game into an impossible 2D version of Sonic Unleashed, literally. The final boss battle is simply the hardest aspect. Marceline’s health goes down unbelievably slow, bit by bit, and it won’t even help if you unleash your full Wizard Powers on her. The game is confusing, head-hurting, and nonetheless a waste of time, no matter how high you can get your score, but I bet you struggle on the boss battle, too!

THE GOOD

“A bit” harder than last time

Very nostalgic music

Wizard Powers are normally very useful.

THE BAD

Difficulty is horribly punishing

Boss battle is merely impossible

Finn’s complaints when left idle are annoying

The game has a clear lack of substance

………………………….

Game-play: B- (3 pts)

Play-Again Ratio: C (2 pts)

Style: B+ (3 pts)

Fun: C- (1.5 pts)

Smarts: C (2 pts)

Entertainment: C- (1.5 pts)

FINAL SCORE: 13 out of 30 (sweet muffins!), 2 stars out of 5, 44% out of 100%

CONSENSUS: What’s boring, mind-numbing, impossible, and all together a waste of time? Sadly enough, Righteous Quest 2, that’s what.

Well, if you don’t believe me, you could always try playing Righteous Quest 2 here. Not-so-happy journeying!

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Well, you’re back. I predict that you rage quit. You rage quit, didn’t you? Yeah, you did. Anyway, let’s use our gracious poll to see what you think about the game!

Well, goodbye for now from Sammwak…just kidding! It’s the new year, and I gotta start it with something we’ve never seen before…a Game n Vote double feature! That’s right, not one, but two Finn and Jake games are getting reviewed, and I’m finishing up my sealed deal with an actually fun adventure: Jumping Finn.

Talk about major buttkicking!

Jumping Finn may look like just an ordinary Adventure Time game with not a lot of hope going for it. Actually, despite its lack of badges, it’s the best Adventure Time game I’ve played since…probably the Sound Castle games. It just debuted in the final month of summer 2011 at cartoonnetworkla.com before it finally hit primetime. The game is actually about trying to rescue Princess Bubblegum from the Ice King like usual, and the method of this game is to kick Finn’s butt (literally) and make him go flying. You can even set the power of Jake’s kick, Let’s Golf-style. At the end of your run, you receive “money” that sums up and is usable to buy power-ups and boosts, like fans, rainbows, and even Marceline and Lady Rainicorn themselves. The game ends when you rescue the princess after flying through the Ice King’s castle. The power-ups are:

  • Upgrade Kick (increasing the amount of kicks Jake can use on Finn in the air)
  • Upgrade Bounce (increasing the amount of bounces Jake can use on Finn when he leaves the sky)
  • Fan (Helps Finn stay airborne)
  • Rainbow w/ Cloud (Finn gets launched upon contact)
  • Marceline (Finn gets launched after being hit by her Axe bass)
  • Birds (Finn gets carried by them)
  • Lady Rainicorn (Finn can ride her up, but it requires clicking and holding)
  • Meteor (Finn can ride it fast and far)

This game is an absolute prime success in its only job: satisfying anyone who plays it. This game is definitely a fun, engaging, and somewhat hilarious entry into Adventure Time‘s countless list of games and their sequels. Heck, the game even allows you to continue your previous game! It saves your progress! No other Finn & Jake game can do that! None! Definitely a good way to kill time in a satisfyingly entertaining way. If you don’t believe me, check out this red-hot rating!

THE GOOD

Very fun and entertaining

Kills time very quickly

Upgrades and power-ups are definitely worth the big air

Reasonable storyline

Great charm.

THE BAD

Lack of badges removes hopes and striving.

………………………………..

Game-play: A+ (5 pts)

Entertainment: A+ (5 pts)

Fun: A+ (5 pts)

Play-Again Ratio: A+ (5 pts)

Style: A (4 pts)

Smarts: A (4 pts)

FINAL SCORE: 28 out of 30 (sweet muffins…again!!), 6 stars out of 5, 92% out of 100%

CONSENSUS: It may have a lack of badges, but Jumping Finn‘s charm, humor, entertainment, and time-killing strategies definitely move the loss of badges over players’ heads and make it one of the best Finn & Jake adventures yet.

Click here. Come on. Hello? Why aren’t you clicking? COME ON!!

…………………………

I’m not even gonna say a word. Just vote.

Well, goodbye from Sammwak, for real this time. :( But don’t be sad! Come back on the 9th for another red-hot Sammwak post! Make sure to subscribe, like (bloggers only), comment, and rate!

Your friend,

Samuel M. – promoting the cure to boredom since 2010

Big Time Rush’s new 2nd album finally out!


Yeah, it’s true. And this is Sam reporting about more Big Time Rush. Everyone knows that show about four meddling boys that make a band with a huge record producer that has his own company named after him. And everyone knows their what-seemed-to-be-infinite list of songs, like the theme “Big Time Rush”, the fast-paced love song “Any Kind of Guy”, and the ode to fame, “Famous”, a cover off of the band Play’s version of it on their fifth and final album. Anyway, let’s fast-forward to the part where I tell you about the juicy news. After B.T.R.’s several trials and tribulations, (such as “Til I Forget About You” becoming a commercial failure) it’s sold 700,000 copies worldwide since last month, earning it a Gold rating from the RIAA. And then came their holiday EP a month later, and a month earlier than the holiday they were aiming for. This contained only two songs that made only 7 minutes of music, a cover of Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” with Miranda Cosgrove, and a whole different song called “Beautiful Christmas”. Could they come back and leave their trip-ups behind with their next album…Elevate?

A weird name? I think so. An epic cover? I know so. Their comeback album is due to rock stores near you next Monday on the 21st of November, and their announced songs seem ballin’ and flossin’. This summer, the song “If I Ruled the World” featuring Iyaz was released. The first song of the album, “Music Sounds Better With U” written with OneRepublic’s Ryan Tedder, was first aired last month, but it has already been released on November 1st. The foursome stated that they were capable of doing most of the writing (including a song due to be heading into an Airheads commercial, “Love Me Love Me”) although some songs took individuals to decipher, like Carlos writing “Invisible” all by himself. At the start of this month, “Intermission”, a song excepted from their album, got leaked online. Check out the whole tracklist!

1. If I Ruled The World ft. Iyaz
2. Paralyzed
3. My Time
4. Blow Your Speakers
5. Someone Else
6. Anything Goes
7. Superstar
8. Like Me
9. Tomorrow
10. Heya
11. Perfect
12. No One Like You
13. (Fallin’ In Love) All Over Again

And if you want a taste of what to expect on Elevate, listen to “If I Ruled the World” below!

Do you want to see how the actual cover art was photo-shot? I can cover you on that, too!

So keep your eyes out for their new album, Elevate, on November 21st! And hopefully maybe it won’t have its own trials and tribulations!

Your friend,

Sam

2011 Adventure Time Awards – Best Title Card


I had nothing better to do. And if Adventure Time is one of the top animated shows on Cartoon Network, why resist the chance? This may be the most sheepish award show I’ve done, but welcome to the 2011 Adventure Time Awards! (or the ATA’s, for short) Another one of my award show ditties where the votes really do count!

If we know Cartoon Network, we know Adventure Time. It’s the top show, chronicling the lives of the strongest boy-dog relationship there is: Finn the Human Boy, and Jake the Dog, as they embark on mathematical adventures, algebraic quests, and one mystery after another, even if it doesn’t finally revolve around the princess-kidnapping Ice King. Almost nearing its fourth birthday (counting the Animated Short) this Christmas with the Holly Jolly Secrets two-part series, I’ve decided that it should get an award show directly in its honor.

Today’s subject is the best title card, since there are a lot of whopping good title cards for each episode, mandatory almost like SpongeBob‘s. Each card is treated with serious care, and it does make a good reference onto the episode. I’ve decided to delve into these cards’ depths and pick out the best three. A final winner will go through with votes, and wins an incredibly cute baby Finn dance!

Enough talk, let’s get to our nominees!

Sky Writing WIN: “The Real You”

This one actually has one of my tokens for winning the dance! The card for an episode released this Valentine’s Day, I definitely felt the love, because there is no other title card built with this level of essence. Finn in the sky, built of the dust that surrounds the stars? I could drift into the most peaceful sleep ever looking at that…end of story. Picture Finn’s face up in the clouds…you would never believe the good that would happen that day, especially scoring that dance…

Beautiful Nightmare: “Mortal Folly”

An impressive illustration that actually happens in the first half of a two-part season finale. If you ask me, it looks like a humongous explosion of souls, that was actually the signal that it was officially “too late.” Another impressive illustration that captures every needed perspective required to pull this one off. Nice job, but nice enough to win the baby dance? That’s up to you…

Digital Dream Come True: “Guardians of Sunshine”

Finn and Jake had to take the trip into the video game world one day. And a couple days after my birthday, they finally did, but I can’t spoil whether or not they beat the virtually impossible frog, Sleepy Sam. Anyways, the title card just gives you that 8-bit feel, even with ‘PRESS START’ at the bottom of the card. Although I have no skeptically put idea who that dude is, it still adds to the experience, and a little bit to the game.

Ultimate Philosophy – “What Is Life?”

A last-second entry that released to the world in the starting month of summer 2010, although it seemingly has nothing to do with the episode, it has that sudden peaceful flow that almost relates to “The Real You” in terms of essence. Finn looks almost like he is meditating in prosperity, and some nice sky backgrounds, such as a plane and a V of birds heading south, really sets the tone.

Inception of Essence – “Memory of a Memory”

Another last-minute entry, this essence-filled title card just screams it at us. As my big token to win, we feel like we’re delving deep into the mind of one, filled with rainbows, clouds…and cows with PHIL FACE udders? I can always trust Adventure Time when I want a good-looking, detailed title card. Props to the artists, and props to this title card for the victory chances…

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I’m not saying I think all the other title cards can be compared with a stomach virus, and I’ll actually be nominating them later on, but for now, good night, and party forever! Please subscribe so you can always have an eye on the award show, and if you blog here at WordPress, please click that like button to save a life….

- Sam

Time for Tunes – A Boy Named Sue


Recognize this face? Yup, it’s the one and only Shel Silverstein, the one who gave us the thumbsucking epidemic song I took a look at earlier last month. Shel may be one of the weirdest guys I’ve met since my classmates on Backwards Day. Anyway, Shel’s got a lucky thumb to A) not to be sucked, and B) to get another spot on T4T, this time for his timeless song “A Boy Named Sue”.

This song was so popular, its name even had to be in the name of this album, where the song came from.

“…my name is Sue! How do you do? Now you’re gonna die!”

Surprisingly enough, “A Boy Named Sue” (also incorrectly referred to as “Boy Named Sue“) is not entirely of Shel’s work. He was just the writer of the song, the real user of this song (besides Shel) being Johnny Cash on his 1969 live album, At San Quentin. It has to be one the weirdest, funniest, and most violent songs I’ve ever listened since Avenged Sevenfold’s “Beast and the Harlot” went to the Guitar Hero 2 track list. The album A Boy Named Sue and his Country Songs coincidentally released the same year of Cash’s live album, both scoring Grammy Awards for their versions of the song in the process.

The storyline revolves around…well, title says all, a boy named Sue. Named as a joke by his father, he becomes the laughingstock of the area, but he’s the one that gets to the last laugh when he grows up to be a hard-hitting master of mass destruction, even beating up his own father as a revenge plan. The song is very groovy especially for one of Shel’s works, and especially deserves to be recited by a bored farmer in a rocking chair.

0 out of 5 – Positive messages – The song being revolved around violence for the most part, this song lacks any positive messages whatsoever.

1 out of 5 – Positive role models – Sue does show good examples of bravery, standing up against the toughest of moments revolving around that dastardly name.

4 out of 5 – Violence – Have you been listening to all that I’ve been talking about so far? “A Boy Named Sue” gives violence a new name, and I still can’t believe they got that crazy back in the sixties!

  • Sue narrates that if a guy laughed at his name, he’d bust his head.
  • Upon seeing and recognizing his long-lost dad, he simply beats him up, throwing a chair across his teeth, giving him a haymaker between the eyes, and almost threatening to kill him if his profound love didn’t change him. His father also extremely violently rebounds, knifing off some of his ear.
  • At the very end of the song, Sue lashes out against his name, and his reactions to it if he ever heard or saw it, or his father, again.

1 1/2 out of 5 – Inappropriate Content (saying the S word would be vulgar) – Besides violence, the only thing that’s not really appropriate, or nice, is the gender shaming and male stereotypical themes this song has.

2 out of 5 - Language – The worst word encountered isn’t even dirty, but it’s “heck.” Shel did a good job of replacing Cash’s dirty lyrics with new, clean ones. The two points of language points to Cash’s version of the song this time, ranging from “son-of-a-B word” to the H word.

1 out of 5 – Product Placement – Shel was one of the 60s’ most famed artists in almost every category on the stardom ladder. Music, books, movies, you name it, he’s stuck his head into it.

1 out of 5 – Drinking, Drugs, and/or Smoking – Shel and Cash both refer at the start of the song, to the father of Sue leaving behind a half-filled (Shel)/empty (Cash) bottle of booze.

The first couple of lyrics in Johnny Cash's version of "A Boy Named Sue", chronicled in an impressive black-and-white comic style.

Entertainment: A (5 points)

Laughs: B+ (4 points)

Style: B (3 points)

Smarts: A- (4 points)

Fun: A (4 points)

Final score: 2o out of 30 (Over halfway there)

Rating: E 10+ (Shel’s version), T (Cash’s version) (do I have to talk it over again?)

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Click on the video to listen to Shel’s version of “A Boy Named Sue”.

Click on this video to watch almost six minutes of a segment of the foul-mouthed Johnny Cash’s show, shown in 1970, released online in 2008 to over 200,000 views. This video does feature a quick duet with the two creators of the song, also featuring a touching Shel solo to “Daddy, What If”.

“A Boy Named Sue” is a blast listening to, and your inside self is going to be laughing its head off while getting seriously grossed out at the same time, but overall, it’s one of Shel’s best songs. End of story.

Like what you saw? Subscribe for more, and if you blog here at WordPress, there’s that little button with a star on it that says ‘Like’. Click that. Did you do it? You should. I also may not be up to date with blogging after this, because the entire Moorsbridge 5th grade is headed to Sherman Lake camp! So, check out my other posts to do you time here on Sammwak!

- Sam

p.s. And to bid you a good farewell, I will give you a Shel-style goodbye poem:

Goodbye, goodbye, I hope you come back

To Sammwak here, and that’s a fact

Over 40,000 hits to date

To all of those I can’t relate

So always remember to come back

And enjoy the glory of what is Sammwak!

A THURSDAY TRIPLE YOUTUBE TREASURY


Hey it’s Sam, and here’s another YouTube treasure I dug up, mateys! Today’s treasure is actually not just from one user…it’s from three! I just felt like it, because today is Thursday. A triple Thursday of treasures. These YouTube stars are famous online and off, and are actually huge icons. The first YouTube star is the king of VFX (video effects, for all of you who don’t do abbreviations) mastery, Frederick “Freddie” Wong, or as his username goes by, freddiew. He has over 30 million channel views, and over one million subscribers.

The first video is a real-life tribute to an infinitely looping gif which you can find here. It’s called “Big Blue Ball Machine”, and currently stands with over one million views since July 16.

The next one is called “Arcade Dominator”, where Wong heads to the arcade and dominates all, from air hockey to a perfect skeeball game to a flawless Guitar Hero shredding session. This video has over 5 million views since the 4th of…June. Pwned.

This final one is called “Real Life Mario Kart”, bringing back Mario Kart 64 in 2011. This video has over 11 million views since February 17…my birthday! :D

Freddie has a bigger-than-life backstory behind him. He competed in the 2007 World Series of Video Games, walking away with first prize for Guitar Hero 2. (if you saw Arcade Dominator, you know he rules at GH.) He performed at YouTube Live in 2008, and is prone for guest stars in his videos, such as Ray William Johnson in “Troll Massacre”, and William and Dylan from KIDS REACT in “Jedi A-Holes Strike Back”. Onto the next star!

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If you’re Brazilian, you can’t say you don’t know Joe Penna, or MysteryGuitarMan. He makes music out of stuff you wouldn’t expect to be musical, such as with balloons in “Pop”, with buildings in “Jumbo”, and with one thousand guitars in “1000 Guitars”. He has over 35 million channel views, and has surpassed the one-million-subscriber mark.

This first one is called “Bubble Rap”, consisting of lots of bubble wrap, a guitar, and DeStorm as the rapper. Over a million views since May 14, 2011.

The next one is “Pop”, which I told you is consisted of lots of balloons, and a piano. Almost at 3.5 million views since May 11, 2010.

The final one is “Happy Mouth”, featuring Joe singing “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” with the sounds conducted by his mouth, like a bass, an angelic choir, and hi-hats.

Joe has not only been in a McDonald’s Coke commercial, but he ranks as the ninth-most subscribed YouTuber to date, dethroning the Annoying Orange but being dethroned by Shane Dawson’s second channel. Now, our third and final star!

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Epic Meal Time is from Canada, which is no surprise why they take foods to the total extreme. If you’re ever called down to lunch and you aren’t hungry, watch some Epic Meal Time and you’ll be hungrier than a starving Sim. Almost 25 million channel views and over a million subscribers as we speak. The eighth-most viewed in Canada, and the most gnarliest foods since Man vs Food…maybe even gnarlier.

The first one cooks up a meatball deathstar, a whole bunch of cooked pasta stuffed inside a meatball covered with cheese…your mouth started watering, right? If you ain’t down with meatballs, and you ain’t down with almost 3.5 million views (since December 14, 2010), you ain’t down to no nothing!

Next, sushi and fast food finally fuse together to create the ultimate “fast food sushi”. Since December 7, it has over 5 million views. おいしい! That’s Japanese for “delicious”!

The final video is just salad. Without all the healthy stuff. Take your greens, and turn them into teins…proteins! That’s right, we got a meat salad with flank steak lettuce, spiced-up pepperoni carrots, meatball radishes, cucumber sausages, and Epic Meal Time ain’t epic without bits…beer bacon bits!

And if you think this is a carnivore’s dream come true, it doesn’t stop there. They’re live at Comic Con, and you go to Netflix.com/bacon, and watch some Kevin Bacon! Am I right, Internet?

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That marks the end of another video effective, musical, and tasty YouTube treasure. From now on, check back every other Friday (which means a treasure one Friday, a regular post the next, and then another treasure the next) for more YouTube treasures, mateys!

- Sam

p.s. Have I told you about my brother’s site? Probably not. It’s based on ways you can be successful in everyday life. From social medial abuse to the perfect relationship to letting go of a loved one, my brother Chris Mwakasisi could probably hook you up with some gnarly innovation.

SCHOOL’S OUT!!! (Summertime Celebrating)


Yep, that’s right! The day I always predicted…and dreaded. Today, tearful teachers have burst open their doors to allow their students to move on. Otherwise known as: the end of school. The end of the 2010-2011 school year. Oh, what a mess of red eyes and tears my school had. But when it comes to this, I’m usually good at keeping my manhood, holding my ground, and being stone-hearted. Did any of you graduate? If so, congratulations of your accomplishment. Because this is just one milestone on the path of an awesome life. I know I’ve marked many milestones in the past. Hitting 1,000 hits. Hitting 5,000 hits. Hitting 10,000 hits. And now…hitting over 20,000 hits.

And now, since I feel like starting a brand-new tradition, I’ve decided to add a song of celebration to my posts. Feel free to break free, let loose, and celebrate! Come on, don’t be shy.

You probably hate my guts right now, don’t you? ;)

Have an epic summer, everyone! Ēka mahākāvya hai garmī! Ont été une épopée! Hebben een epische zomer! Haben eine epische Sommer! Hanno un estate epica!

(Just testing your language skills. :D)

A bientôt,

Sam

p.s. How do you plan to spend YOUR summer? Answer me through comments or emails! And please, start voting stars on my posts! (Winka blinka winka ;)

Game n Vote – Sound Castle 2


Hey guys it’s Sam, and like I said, “more gaming, more voting, and more gaming and voting today and tomorrow!” And an African doesn’t lie, so here I am. So, fans, let’s recap. Yesterday I gave you Splash Master, and I’m back with another Cartoon Network game. This game belongs to Adventure Time, and it’s one I really enjoy, better than its predecessor, actually. Today’s game is the mind-testing castle defense, Sound Castle 2.

The main menu for the game.

As a sequel to the Adventure Time game Sound Castle, this revamped follow-up picks up where the previous game left off, but with a few new tweaks (i.e. playing at night instead of day, new quotes, etc.). The main objective of the first game was that you must protect your castle using nothing but multi-colored sound waves from quotes from these AT characters: Finn, Jake, Ice King, Lumpy Space Princess, and Princess Bubblegum. The enemies sit upon multi-colored clouds, and, for Sound Castle 2, they are changed from the first. The list evolves from simple one-hit evil gnomes, to tree monsters that require three hits of one color, to black-clothed humans that require one hit in each color (as their cloud will change colors upon hit). Then you face the menacing Boss from time to time (just Marceline the Vampire Queen’s dad, otherwise. But, the Boss is a more sleek name, and is also used in badges). This worst enemy is most likely to appear in the middle, with a humongous cloud. The routine of how to kill it is pretty easy, but its technique might be like the black-clothed humans, but is different in an important way. You actually need to trigger SEVERAL hits on a color in order to proceed to the next. Then sometimes, it recaps and gives you colors again before defeat.

You can also hit little swords of different colors to unlock an Adventure Time super attack. Unleash this bad boy and every enemy on the screen will be defeated (except the Boss, primarily). Also, little bars at the very bottom will be filling. These are for characters (the bars also bearing quotes), and their other quotes are listed above their bars. When they are full, they can be unleashed to send a giant version of that character flying upwards, defeating the enemies in that lane. Pretty algebraic, huh?

But that’s pretty much it from the game. All it is, is new quotes, new enemies, and a new time of day. Nothing else. Same graphics, same characters, same etc. It lacks any real innovation.  That’s unforgivable! That’s one big step for a game, but a pretty darn small jump for an experience. :( Hopefully, if they ever do make a Sound Castle 3, they can get a little more innovative this time around.

My final score on this game is an 8.5 out of 10, an 85 out of 100. Smooth play, guys, but it just wasn’t perfected. Now it’s YOUR turn to defend your Sound Castle! Can you fulfill your destiny to slay all intruders? Or will your castle come crumbling down?

http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/games/adventuretime/soundcastle2/index.html

Happy defending!

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So that’s what I meant by “one big step for a game, but a pretty darn small jump for an experience”, hmm? Now I have a couple opinions that must be expressed, capiche?

Check back tomorrow for more gaming, voting, and more gaming and voting! I may have only two games up, but the fun’s just beginning!

Yours truly,

Sam M. ;)

 

Time for Tunes: Wild Wild West


Hey, it’s Sam back on Sammwak, the place to BE with juicy comedy from ME! I’ve decided to start a new review segment among all my other segments. (Game n Vote, iNSiDE iPhone, etc.) And instead of reviewing games, movies, OR little iPhone apps, I’ve decided to go MAINSTREAM. That’s right, fellow fans. I’m debuting as a MUSIC critic.

And I’ve begun this new segment called Time for Tunes (previously Tune Time, TuneCharger) to prove my critical skill in music, and today our tune is “Wild Wild West” rapped by Will Smith as the titular theme song to the 1999 steampunk action-comedy of the same name, released in May 1999.

I don’t really know what the song’s about overall (more reasonable rapping, Will!), but I do see a lot of gangster that Will Smith sprinkled onto the song like some sort of paprika. Here are some of his rather gangster lyrics (watch for some poor grammar):

“You don’t want to see my hand where my hip be at”

“None of this, six gun in this, brotha running this”

“So if you barking up the wrong tree, we coming”

See? Just when it can be passed off as some sort of regular hip hop, Will attacks it with gangster and turns it into this cheesy funky gangster rap song. No wonder only 39% people enjoyed this movie. I don’t even really know what the song’s about, since Will never bothered to mention it. I guess it’s just about the Wild West. And if Will keeps trying to make every one of his songs a huge mystery, I swear that he’ll end up as the next Craig Mack. And NO ONE wants to become the next Craig Mack.

Sorry to mention this, (even I don’t know why) but this song was a BOMBER! It peaked at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100, and its extended music video became a smash on MTV. But it was peppered with criticism for sampling Stevie Wonder and for its incongruity with the western theme. But somehow in 1999, that song got on South Park.

For the lyrics of this song we give “Wild Wild West” a…negative 2 out of 5!

I mean, the tune alone sounds kind of catchy, but the lyrics just bend it up all out of shape. Language also gets in explicit areas around 2 or 3 times (which is something you’d expect from a gangster like Will). But otherwise, some of the lyrics just weren’t smartly written…and STEVIE WONDER was actually involved in writing! And not even Sisqo’s constant mugging can help.

Will just wasn’t the right choice for this. If it were someone like the Beastie Boys, I’m sure it would’ve went like a shot a LOT more cleaner. Just saying.

So my final consensus for “Wild Wild West” is: Wild Wild West fails to really be efficient with its theme, with shoddy and mucky lyrics performed by its uncertain star, Will Smith.

And my final score is a 1.3 out of 10, a 13% out of 100%. Seriously, Will? Even your solo career was better than this.

Oh, YOU want to be a critic? Comment me your OWN votes! And be on the watch for more music reviews, hopefully better than “Wild Wild West”!

Yours truly,

Sam ;)

Joke Time w/ Sam Mwakasisi, vol. 3


March is simply the month of luck, greens, and greens. And especially comes that time where I can FINALLY give you another uproarious edition of joke compilations. That’s right, fellow jokesters and/or jokees. March’s compilation of Joke Time with yours truly has finally come around! (This is also an apology for my long absence. Think of it as a hiatus.)

Q&A JOKES

Where do fish keep their credit cards?…In the river bank!

How does an egg get to work?…It drives in a Yolkswagen!

What type of car does a cow drive?…A Cattle-ac!

STORY JOKES

A director is screen testing Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger for a film on composers. Not having figured out who’s which composer, he asks Sylvester which composer he’d like to be. Sylvester said he wanted to be Mozart. Then he asked Arnold what HE’D like to be. Arnold replied, “Ah’ll be Bach!”

A woman has twins and gives them for adoption. One goes to an Egyptian family and is named “Amal.” The other goes to a Spanish family and is named “Juan.” Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to the woman, who said to her husband that she wished for a picture of Amal as well. Her husband said, “But they’re twins–if you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”

YO MAMA – Yo mama’s so ______……..

Yo mama’s so fat, when she jumped off the Empire State Building, she turned around and gave Jesus a high-five!

Yo mama’s so poor, she has the ducks throw bread at HER!

Yo mama’s so fat, her BMI is measured in acres!

Yo mama’s so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sits next to EVERYBODY!

Yo mama’s so stupid, she tried organizing her M&M’s in alphabetical order!

Yo mama’s so stupid, she put paper on the TV and said it was pay-per-view!

PUNS – Lemons are sour, these jokes aren’t! SWEET!

I was aboard a ship with my crew and a bunch of root beer. It was told I was being so cocky they threatened to make me walk the plank. And when I did, before I jumped I asked, “Can I at least have one more mug of root beer?” The pirate said, “Of course!” So I took the mug and JUMPED! And I would’ve drowned if it hadn’t been for one thing…ROOT BEER FLOAT!

It was comedy night. All of the best comedians were attending a shot at the best jokes. The next contestant walks up to the microphone confidently and begins, “Crowd, I have a story to tell you.” Next, a voice out of the crowd shouts, “WHY DON’T YOU MAKE IT 10 STORIES AND THEN JUMP?”

Did you hear about the guy whose entire left side was cut off. Don’t panic. He’s all right now!

When William joined the military for war, he didn’t like the saying, “Fire at will”.

Sometimes feet and noses are built backwards: Their feet smell and their noses run.

I relish the fact that you’ve mustard enough strength to ketchup to me.

Greengrocers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, take a leek, turnip the covers endive into bed.

…………………………..

This would’ve gone on for lots more, but I can’t give away all the rest of the volumes. Come back soon for an April edition of Joke Time with yours truly! Lemons are sour, my jokes aren’t! SWEET!

- Sam

 

Adventure Time w/ Finn & Jake


Hey guys it’s Sam and if you’ve seen Cartoon Network, you’ve probably heard of this show. I’ve become a new fan of it. Like, really. I’ve caught all the episodes on-demand, and I’m willing to catch more off-demand. What time is it? Well, it, my friend, is ADVENTURE TIME.

This is one of the “new” shows introduced to Cartoon Network in September. It was actually based on a short that became an Internet sensation before it was brought to TV in April. If you don’t know what it’s about, I pity you. It’s about this 12-year old human boy named Finn who somewhat enjoys kicking evil forces in their hineys, and is skilled at all types of combat. It is a mystery, but all we know is that he was born from a cabbage. He really has blonde hair, but he wears an ‘awesome hat’ to conceal it. He’ll outburst and strangely exclaim anything he pleases, and is also bad at math, although he can blurt out stuff like, “Mathematical!”, “Algebraic!”, and “Rhombus!” And here’s the thing that makes me jealous for Finn. Since he ate this small computer, whenever he sings, he sings Auto-tune! Yeah, like Ke$ha! And the thing that makes me super-jealous is that he has a 28-year old (in “magical dog years”) dog named Jake that has cool magic powers! Not so majesto! (That’s what my eldest sister says to mean, “Cool!”) Along the way, this dynamic dog-and-dude duo meet characters like:

Princess Bubblegum, the ruler of Candy Kingdom and the love interest of Finn. Yes, Finn does too have a crush on her.

Ice King, the ruler of Ice Kingdom and the kidnapper of princesses, forcing them to marry him. I know, vague and disgusting, right? If you catch him sky high with his beard, flee. Or else he could zap you into a block of ice with his ‘frozen lightning bolts’! Fear his population of snow and ice monsters, but when you come in contact with his horrifying Ice-o-pede…nighty-night.

Lady Rainicorn - This creepy unicorn-rainbow crossover unicorn that turns out to be Jake’s boyfriend. Her horn can turn things various colors. Oh, and she speaks Korean! Yeah, you heard me. She speaks KOREAN, like “Annyeonghaseyo!” and “Annyeong!”

Lots more crazy stuff happen when it’s adventure time. Catch Adventure Time Monday nights on Cartoon Network!

L8trs, Sam

p.s. If anyone asks you, you didn’t hear it from me.