Hey it’s Sam and I’ve come to talk about the terrors of a disease that has rocked the nations and girls everywhere. Pandemics of this terrible disease have been tracked, but not stopped. No one can overtake…THE BIEBER FEVER.

The Bieber fever is a horrifying parasitic disease that is tracked usually by girls, but it is a rarity for boys. One gets infected with the fever when they see too many videos or look at too many pictures associated with Justin Bieber. How will you know someone else is infected? They will request to wear caps at all times, jam their hands in their pockets with only the thumbs sticking out, and pester you to get a bowl haircut just like Justin! Why do they pester you so much? A bug, or the parasite, is produced as soon as the victim has hit their mark. It slithers up and infects your immune system, racking it only to get you excited about Bieber. A cure has not been announced quite yet…

Speaking of this terrible disease, a new movie’s coming out tomorrow that is the perfect source for Bieber fever in all ways. I cannot give you its name…(okay, maybe title says all…)…but the poster says all.

Apparently that little goon now has his own documentary, and to make it worse, it’s in 3D. Why can’t a vat full of 3D glasses fall on his head? I always knew he was a suck-up, but this is unacceptable. Usher, Miley Cyrus, Jaden Smith, Snoop Dogg, Ludacris, and Boys II Men are also appearing according to Wikipedia. The movie has footage from performances of Justin’s My World Tour, and also has footage of his child self from home videos…go figure. I’m also very sorry about this, but here’s the trailer for the movie:

Oh, well. If the infection is worth it, Never Say Never opens its doors tomorrow. And if you start Biebering it up down there, don’t come crying to me. I only warned you…

Sincerely yours,