March is simply the month of luck, greens, and greens. And especially comes that time where I can FINALLY give you another uproarious edition of joke compilations. That’s right, fellow jokesters and/or jokees. March’s compilation of Joke Time with yours truly has finally come around! (This is also an apology for my long absence. Think of it as a hiatus.)
Where do fish keep their credit cards?…In the river bank!
How does an egg get to work?…It drives in a Yolkswagen!
What type of car does a cow drive?…A Cattle-ac!
A director is screen testing Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger for a film on composers. Not having figured out who’s which composer, he asks Sylvester which composer he’d like to be. Sylvester said he wanted to be Mozart. Then he asked Arnold what HE’D like to be. Arnold replied, “Ah’ll be Bach!”
A woman has twins and gives them for adoption. One goes to an Egyptian family and is named “Amal.” The other goes to a Spanish family and is named “Juan.” Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to the woman, who said to her husband that she wished for a picture of Amal as well. Her husband said, “But they’re twins–if you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”
YO MAMA – Yo mama’s so ______……..
Yo mama’s so fat, when she jumped off the Empire State Building, she turned around and gave Jesus a high-five!
Yo mama’s so poor, she has the ducks throw bread at HER!
Yo mama’s so fat, her BMI is measured in acres!
Yo mama’s so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sits next to EVERYBODY!
Yo mama’s so stupid, she tried organizing her M&M’s in alphabetical order!
Yo mama’s so stupid, she put paper on the TV and said it was pay-per-view!
PUNS – Lemons are sour, these jokes aren’t! SWEET!
I was aboard a ship with my crew and a bunch of root beer. It was told I was being so cocky they threatened to make me walk the plank. And when I did, before I jumped I asked, “Can I at least have one more mug of root beer?” The pirate said, “Of course!” So I took the mug and JUMPED! And I would’ve drowned if it hadn’t been for one thing…ROOT BEER FLOAT!
It was comedy night. All of the best comedians were attending a shot at the best jokes. The next contestant walks up to the microphone confidently and begins, “Crowd, I have a story to tell you.” Next, a voice out of the crowd shouts, “WHY DON’T YOU MAKE IT 10 STORIES AND THEN JUMP?”
Did you hear about the guy whose entire left side was cut off. Don’t panic. He’s all right now!
When William joined the military for war, he didn’t like the saying, “Fire at will”.
Sometimes feet and noses are built backwards: Their feet smell and their noses run.
I relish the fact that you’ve mustard enough strength to ketchup to me.
Greengrocers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, take a leek, turnip the covers endive into bed.
This would’ve gone on for lots more, but I can’t give away all the rest of the volumes. Come back soon for an April edition of Joke Time with yours truly! Lemons are sour, my jokes aren’t! SWEET!