Hey, it’s Sam back on Sammwak, the place to BE with juicy comedy from ME! I’ve decided to start a new review segment among all my other segments. (Game n Vote, iNSiDE iPhone, etc.) And instead of reviewing games, movies, OR little iPhone apps, I’ve decided to go MAINSTREAM. That’s right, fellow fans. I’m debuting as a MUSIC critic.

And I’ve begun this new segment called Time for Tunes (previously Tune Time, TuneCharger) to prove my critical skill in music, and today our tune is “Wild Wild West” rapped by Will Smith as the titular theme song to the 1999 steampunk action-comedy of the same name, released in May 1999.

I don’t really know what the song’s about overall (more reasonable rapping, Will!), but I do see a lot of gangster that Will Smith sprinkled onto the song like some sort of paprika. Here are some of his rather gangster lyrics (watch for some poor grammar):

“You don’t want to see my hand where my hip be at”

“None of this, six gun in this, brotha running this”

“So if you barking up the wrong tree, we coming”

See? Just when it can be passed off as some sort of regular hip hop, Will attacks it with gangster and turns it into this cheesy funky gangster rap song. No wonder only 39% people enjoyed this movie. I don’t even really know what the song’s about, since Will never bothered to mention it. I guess it’s just about the Wild West. And if Will keeps trying to make every one of his songs a huge mystery, I swear that he’ll end up as the next Craig Mack. And NO ONE wants to become the next Craig Mack.

Sorry to mention this, (even I don’t know why) but this song was a BOMBER! It peaked at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100, and its extended music video became a smash on MTV. But it was peppered with criticism for sampling Stevie Wonder and for its incongruity with the western theme. But somehow in 1999, that song got on South Park.

For the lyrics of this song we give “Wild Wild West” a…negative 2 out of 5!

I mean, the tune alone sounds kind of catchy, but the lyrics just bend it up all out of shape. Language also gets in explicit areas around 2 or 3 times (which is something you’d expect from a gangster like Will). But otherwise, some of the lyrics just weren’t smartly written…and STEVIE WONDER was actually involved in writing! And not even Sisqo’s constant mugging can help.

Will just wasn’t the right choice for this. If it were someone like the Beastie Boys, I’m sure it would’ve went like a shot a LOT more cleaner. Just saying.

So my final consensus for “Wild Wild West” is: Wild Wild West fails to really be efficient with its theme, with shoddy and mucky lyrics performed by its uncertain star, Will Smith.

And my final score is a 1.3 out of 10, a 13% out of 100%. Seriously, Will? Even your solo career was better than this.

Oh, YOU want to be a critic? Comment me your OWN votes! And be on the watch for more music reviews, hopefully better than “Wild Wild West”!

Yours truly,

Sam 😉