When I was a wee young man, I was raised on Nickelodeon. Figure It OutGUTS, Double Dare 2000SpongeBob, I watched it all. But around summer 2008, I ripped my eyes from Nick for the first time ever and became a fan of–you probably guessed it–Cartoon Network. Chowder and Flapjack were probably my top two most-watched series from the Network at the time, but then I saw something that hooked me like a trout. Something I’m a strong fan of to this very day. The killer app that brought me and probably millions of other people just like me to become fans of Cartoon Network. It also showed me that Canada isn’t just home of the ice hockey. It is called Total Drama. Now, for a boring recap of the past four seasons. If you want to skip down, scroll down a bit. Or press Ctrl+F and type four periods.

Cartoon Network and their Canadian friend Teletoon wanted to make some sort of mockery of the conventions commonly found in reality TV, so they created twenty-five teen contestants and settled them at Camp Wawanakwa, a fictitious island in Muskoka, Ontario. The campers were Duncan, Tyler, Lindsay, LeShawna, DJ, Eva, Justin, Owen, Noah, Harold, Geoff, Heather, Trent, Gwen, Cody, Izzy, Bridgette, Courtney, Katey, Sadie, Ezekiel, and Beth. From thence Total Drama Island was born.

They were split into two teams: the Screaming Gophers and the Killer Bass. These two teams were given challenges for each episode–from dodgeball to Fear Factor–and at the end of each episode there was a final campfire gathering for the losing team. Every camper received a marshmallow to ensure they were safe for another episode–except one unlucky teen. They had to walk the Dock of Shame, and were taken away by the Boat of Losers. This process went on for 26 episodes over the course of seven months (June to December 2008), and ultimately after a season of sabotage, heartbreak, and alliances, one camper walked away with a grand prize of $100,000. But that wasn’t the case in other countries. In the PAL region, the loser of the American version was actually the winner. I guess they wanted to change things up, which became a recurring occurrence in future seasons.

A week after the season finale, the campers were invited back to the island to participate in a no-rules hunt for a silver case with a million dollars inside, which unraveled into a series of unpredictable events that had only one way to end: a season two, which premiered in summer 2009 under the name of Total Drama Action. Instead of 25 campers, there were only 14 that were split into the Killer Grips and the Screaming Gaffers, and the challenges were now movie genre-based. The season took place at a deserted Toronto film lot. Instead of joining for a final bonfire, the losing team had to attend an award ceremony where marshmallows were replaced by Gilded Chris Awards (made in the honor of the host Chris McClain). Whoever didn’t get a GCA had to take the Walk of Shame down a red carpet, and was taken off the lot by the Lame-o-sine. This process went on for 26 more episodes over another seven months, and one lucky camper went away with not $100,000 but one million dollars!

The season’s special didn’t come until spring 2010, when the cast was nominated for a Gemmie Award for best reality show ensemble. The drama is documented by the hosts of Celebrity Manhunt (a celeb gossip show), Josh and Blaineley. Yes, Blaineley is a girl. However, this heartfelt reunion takes a detour when Chris announces that he will be replacing them with a new show called Total Drama Dirtbags. In an attempt to save their fame, all of the contestants (plus newcomer Sierra) race to NYC to defeat a team of dirtbags and their leader Alejandro. But what does Chris really have planned?…That’s right, a season three! 17 contestants managed to win the reward of starring in season 3, while seven unlucky campers were left in the dust.

Two months after the special, Total Drama World Tour premiered as the third season. Three newcomers were added to the roster of fifteen: the vague Alejandro, the fangirl-ish Sierra, and Blaineley from Celeb Manhunt. The season takes place on several locations worldwide (Tokyo, Paris, Egypt, etc.), where challenges take place, but the season’s hub was on the Total Drama Jumbo Jet. GCAs are replaced with barf bags full of peanuts, and the unlucky camper must take a parachute and take the Drop of Shame out of the plane. But here’s the biggest change: whenever Chris rings a bell and a special icon shows up onscreen, the campers must break into song. That’s right, they need to sing. If they don’t sing, they get eliminated on the spot. Check out some of my favorites:


There are now three teams instead of two: Team Amazon, Team Victory, and Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot. Yeah, you can kinda tell who named that last one. Anyway, this process continued for another 26 episodes over six months, and there was no season special.

The fourth and latest season, Total Drama: Revenge of the Island (originally Total Drama Reloaded), premiered last summer. The story of this season is probably the most unique yet–during World Tour Chris rented out Camp Wawanakwa to a toxic waste company, which used it as a dump. When Chris bought it back for season four, it was covered in biohazardous toxic waste, increasing dangers for a new generation of campers. This new generation comes in the form of thirteen campers: Cameron, Anne Marie, Mike, Zoey, Lightning, Dawn, B, Sam, Brick, Scott, Jo, Dakota, and Staci. This season is very similar to Island, but the challenges are more gross, more embarrassing, and more lethal. Another big change is that the person whose name is called last is eliminated, and the one who receives the final marshmallow, which is toxic. They are taken off the island in a giant catapult via the Hurl of Shame. This process went on for only thirteen episodes over summer 2012. Currently it doesn’t look like there’s gonna be a special.

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Ladies and gentlemen, the fifth season of Total DramaTotal Drama All Stars. This show takes place back at Camp W but is split into two halves, both of them equally important. The first half is a merge of the old and new casts as “all stars”. According to Wikipedia, the fourteen most popular campers from past seasons will be returning, and there are 13 announced campers so far: Alejandro, Cameron, Courtney, Duncan, Gwen, Heather, Jo, Lightning, Lindsay, Mike, Sam, Sierra, and Zoey.

They’ll be split into two teams: the Heroic Hamsters and the Villainous Vultures, pitting the good guys against the bad guys. So far, the official Hamsters are Cameron, Gwen, Mike, Sierra, and Zoey. The official Vultures are Alejandro, Heather, and Courtney. The grand prize will still be a million bucks, but halfway through the season things will change dramatically. The Hamsters and Vultures will disband, and the winner of every future challenge receives immunity for only themselves, and a non-immune camper gets voted off. The process continues until it comes down to two campers, which will decide the winner and the loser.

Christian Potenza, the voice of Chris, has released some lines from the fourth episode of the season:

When a Hero’s eating time is up, they hear this … and the Villains get this … Last time on a very special episode of Total Drama All-Stars: … Say hello to my metal friend! … I sincerely doubt it, Al … next, I’ll allow it, his pain was our gain … Which team will finish their barf-tastic breakfast first? Find out after the break on Total Drama All-Stars!”

The series was originally going to premiere this summer, but now it should be premiering anytime in Q4 2013. Canadians should expect it next winter.

Tdpilogo

TDPI Island

The new island.

This will probably be the start of something new and something big for Total Drama: for season six, they’re moving to a new island. Pahkitew Island, to be exact. The season will contain 14 contestants and 13 episodes, and Canadians should expect it next fall. Right now, not much is known about season six except for what the island could look like. Also, in case you didn’t know, Pahkitew is Cree for “explode”. Oh joy.

Anyway, that’s it for this week! Are you excited for the next two seasons coming out? Have you been a fan of Total Drama from the very beginning, and will you be until the very end? Find out when All Stars and Pahkitew Island premiere on Cartoon Network! Make sure to tune in every Friday for awesomeness courtesy of Sammwak!

Stay classy America (and Canada),

~S~ 😎

Video of the Week: I’m not really one to Facebook quite yet, but news is spreading like wildfire that the social network is updating in quite infuriating ways. This viral hit from ExtremelyDecentFilms shows what it would be like if these updates happened in real life, and it amplifies the frustration in the most hilarious ways.

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