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Hey parents, it’s Sam, and usually, I aim my posts for kids, but any age can enjoy Sammwak, so I’ve decided to have a segment in honor of parental needs too! Without parents, we’d be as wild as monkeys without their bananas. If there’s one thing I know kids hate doing, it’s chores. If there’s one thing I know kids love doing, it’s to play video games. So parents, why choose when you can do them both? (Based on Lucky Luke’s letter submission of the April 2011 subscriber’s issue of Nintendo Power.)

Lucky Luke says he and his 8-year old brother are always told by their mom to spend more time mastering chores than video games. Then, as if a light bulb flashed over her head, she got the perfect idea: turning chores into video games! Each week, Luke and company get 3 lives. A life is lost when chores are done lazily, they talk, or goof off. When they lose their third and final life, they get a “game over”, which means a weekly video game restriction. Luckily, their mom does things like hide rewards or extra lives in her shoes when she asks her kids to put them away. Now this is a life I would want to live! Unfortunately, it didn’t turn out well for editor-in-chief Chris Slate, as he says the magazine staff took turns jumping on his head trying to beat the final boss. It’s every gamer for themselves, folks.

The way I would probably do it is almost identical to Luke’s with a little twist that makes the odds a little more even.

  • At the start of the week, we get five lives. I’m the king of second chances, man!
  • If we do something really good, we get a 3-life boost. I’m trying to be fair without being invincible.
  • Rewards can originate from actual games, such as power pellets and mushrooms. But here’s the catch–they can be traded in for real cash. I’m not trying to be a penny-pincher, but it’s honestly a good way to fill your allowance. Almost like those Mom Bucks from Rodrick Rules. Here’s the chart: power pellets can be traded in for $1.00, super mushrooms go for $1.25, leaves go for $1.50, hearts go for $2.00, and if you’re good enough to get a Starman…it’s a $4-boost.

The main reason why we played video games is how fun it would be in real life. That’s what bored gaming YouTubers do all their online life. This is known as the online abbreviation “IRL”. Anyways, parents, if you want to make your chores worth getting up and doing, follow my procedures and your kids will never sneak out of chores again, absolutely positive!

If you like my ideas to make your life better, than subscribe for more weekly juice, and if enough kids and parents like Parents Produce, it’s going on the list of main segments! Also be a doll and click the like button if you blog at WordPress. And as the final post and day of September, I’ll give you a couple things to look forward to on Sammwak!

  • Nintendo’s super-duper-specially-important 122nd birthday celebration. That’s as old as the world’s oldest grandma, no kidding!
  • Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?…To improve his bite! Sounds cheesy, but it’s a hint for the second annual Sammwak Halloween special. One thing is that there’s a lot of surprises!
  • A not-yet-clarified celebration of my three-hundredth post…the one you’re looking at right now! Man, isn’t 2011 the year of celebration?

Hey guys it’s Sam, and have you ever wondered how my life is like? Well, you searched upon the right post, because Sammwak presents My Day My Life starring yours truly! This is the ultimate way to take a look at celebrity life, so why not my life?


First I wake up in the morning, probably at 11:00 to noon, 1:00 if I’m extra sleepy.  I hobble to the bathroom to comb my hair, brush my teeth, and wash my face. Then I go down for breakfast.


I usually have Ensure nutrition drinks (the king of dairy products), even though my sister says it isn’t real breakfast. If we’re on an Ensure shortage, then I usually grab a bowl of cereal, whether it’s plain Cheerios or Lucky Charms.


I used to head down to the family room for some extreme ten-minute gaming. I usually played SSX Tricky (you know, when the PS2 actually still worked), then I varied to Diddy Kong Racing for the N64, and then that was pretty much my last ten-minute gaming time…excluding the nights I bashed on Super Street Fighter IV.


Then I head upstairs, get comfortable in the chair, and relax surfing the web. I usually make a couple post drafts right here on Sammwak, or I help the web otherwise like editing wikis. If there’s something going on in my head, either if it’s something I have or something irrationally wild, I usually make a video about it on my webcam. I also do a great amount of work at Cheezburger.com, where I go under the alias saml0lz. Yes, I have made the home page of several sites several times.


I usually either get called down for lunch, or go myself by around 3:00 to 4:00…or those extremely and lazily unlucky times where I need to have my dinner, which is also my lunch (a lunner?) I usually have a tasty plate of rice, whether it’s white or brown. If I feel extra appetizing, I usually garnish my meals with strips of bacon. During or after my meal, I usually go to the bathroom to have a baby. My latest boy was named Mr. Feces. Where is he now? In his home…halfway between my toilet and the Atlantic Ocean.

Then I go back upstairs and repeat Extreme Computing all over again.


I go on YouTube every day. Both to get a few laughs out, or to check some of my channels…sorry, me and my brother’s channel. Yeah, I watch viral videos (Annoying Orange and whatnot), and some channels I really like (nigahiga, TheFineBros, etc.) get subscribed…on Google Reader.


Just take a look back up at What’s for Lunch? I usually have rice, whether I have to wash it down with a bowl of Romaine hearts. (It’s just salad.) The only time I didn’t have rice was when:

A) I went out for dinner (which I wish would happen more often) at a restaurant.

B) I got stuck with a plate of mushy ugali. (That’s corn meal)

Then I infrequently go to the bathroom and have another baby. My latest girl’s a shortie, and her name’s Ms. Scat. She and Mr. Feces are probably raising a wonderful family together.


Okay, now it’s time for my nightlife. My brother usually stays down at the family room with his nighttime meal. I usually watch TV or do some street fighting. Then I usually go back to the TV of mild boredom and watch some TV up until 11:00, my bedtime. But if I feel like a bad boy, I’ll squeeze in a few more minutes of street fighting, just to reward myself.

Then I run upstairs, change into my pajamas (or shower, if I feel like a goody gumball), and drift into sleep, whether it’s quick and dreamless, or with at least one sad, weird, or freakishly creepy dream.



This is a new kind of day. I usually wake up, do my first routine, and then get whisked off in our Chevy Impala, usually (if not always) to Chicago. We usually make a couple stops at gas stations to get a reload or to reload on energy with some sweets, then we head right back on the road. We usually spend the night at our destination (speaking of destination, did I mention we use a GPS?), then we chug back home. Take all our stuff out. And if we’re extra early, take a nap. Or sleep, whatever you would call it.


And that, my friend, is a look at my life! Thanks for being a part of Sammwak, and if you blog right here at WordPress, please like my posts. If you don’t blog here, just subscribe and/or leave a comment. Remember, it’s 100% natural!

– Sam

p.s. Tomorrow, I fall into the evil clutches of what is known as…school. Wish me all the luck you can.

p.p.s. This is the first post categorized under Home in a long time.

Hey guys it’s Sam. Sorry I haven’t been putting up new posts lately, ugh, my computer does not have Internet 😡 So I have to borrow my sister’s MacBook Pro to make this post for you!

As you can see of the title, I’m wishing you all a happy Black Friday here from Sammwak. Even I didn’t know what Black Friday was at first. But Wikipedia had them answers 😀

Turns out Black Friday is the day right after Thanksgiving in which apparently people shop…HARD. The “Black” comes from the period when retailers turn profits, aka “in the black.” :DDDD

Anyways, my sisters (Tumpale and Eneke) already hit Forever 21. Me? What, you think I shop?

But anyways, when this day ends, like, tell me how your Black Friday was! I don’t rly care if u shopped or not. All that matters is that it’s Black Friday. Gots it?

Okay, I gots to go. But happy Black Friday errbody 😀

– Sam

Hooray hooray for it is a special day! It isn’t Halloween (8 days away), or Diffendoofer Day…

It’s Red Ribbon Week!

If you don’t kno what Red Ribbon Week is, it’s basically a week to say no to drugs and alcohol. So it’s basically Say No to Drugs and Alcohol Week.

Starting Monday, Haverhill Elementary (the school I go to) is saying NO to drugs and alcohol. This “controversy” continues on for the whole week. Here’s what we’ll be doing to say no:

Monday, October 25 – We all wear red.

Wednesday, October 27 – We all wear sweatpants, because saying no to drugs is “no sweat.” (Hyuk hyuk hyuk)

Friday, October 29 (Halloween parade): Wear orange and black, because we’re saying “boo” to drugs.


But are you proud to be drug-free? If you’re a smoker, then boo you. Because don’t blame me when your lungs are polluted. But if you can actually vow to do all this, you’ll receive a special special prize.

Wear red on Monday, sweatpants on Wed., and orange and black on Friday!

L8trs in the name of the planet. Sam

p.s. If you want to know where I found that Miley Cyrus “hyuk hyuk” image, go to derp.cheezburger.com. There’s a lot of derp awaiting…




That’s right I know it may sound silly but it is true. Hey guys its Sam at Sammwak, where our posts are so cool, you’ll be fooled.

Now, anyways, as of the title, u can see that Fruity Pebbles are EVIL!!! Don’t believe me? Read, my young ones, read:

It was just one night when I believe we had run out of Lucky Charms (my favorite cereal btw) so I decided to have Fruity Pebbles. Worst. Decision. Ever. So anyways, I was eatin….and then I found out that it tasted stanky horrible, and I think I even got a stomachache, so I disposed of it.

The second cereal that has given me a stomachache so far (the first, you can find out if you  click here

Now back to this. This is why I believe Fruity Pebbles are evil, and I was literally self-forced to eat a bowl of some mixed with Lucky Charms (:() Revolting, right? And now, my stomachache has passed, but I am still haunted by a mysterious headache.

So I will never make that mistake again and always ask my dad to buy something else to avoid the deadly Fruity Pebbles on top of my fridge.

So thx for watching this episode. Please like it, and subscribe, so you can receive notifications of new posts via email and all that. But anyways, before we cut short, here comes another commenter poll:

So bye :/

This is Sammwak signing out.

That’s right everybody…it’s my 100TH POST!!! Well, actually I have 101 posts, but I’ve only published 99 of them. So, apparently, this is my hundredth post. Hey guys it’s me Sam of Sammwak…another blog of awesomeness and I’m gonna be telling you the great things that have happened recently.

1. Pinball Champion Once Again – That’s right…I’m the pinball champion again! (Click here if ur confused) As u may recently know in a chunk of my earlier posts, that Tumpale had overtook my score in 3d space cadet pinball, making her the pinball champion. But now I’m back with a vengeance, baby! It was just yesterday, while I was playing a simple game of space cadet pinball when my pinball just start rocketing up into places. More and more points I got along the way. Flailing the flippers up and down, I watched my points rocket in enjoyment. And then I was sure I had overtook Tumpale’s score once more with more than 2 million points. But surpisingly, the laptop (I’m not playing on my computer, I’m forced to use this one, so Tumpale gets the computer grr >:() shut down on me, thus probably wiping out my score. When Tumpale heard of this, she laughed. She guffawed. She howled to the moon. But when I started it back up…my points had mystically shot up to THREE million. Not only was I happy, but I was happy. Even though it didn’t make it on the scoreboard, I’m still happy that overall, I beat Tumpale’s score to a pulp. 🙂

2. Raining Money – So I was just about to hit the shower when Dad came up to with my wallet (he has it so no one will take it. <cough> Tumpale <cough>) and literally had me spellbound by the 40 bucks he had (yes, 2 20-buck bills). Also, he had 2 bucks along with that. So that equals 42 bucks, of course. But then he put out another 10 bucks with that, so that means I now have 52 bucks, a few cents, and a Chuck-e-Cheese token my mom ended up pulling out at the thrift shop. But then he said he had another 50 bucks with that. So of course, 52+50=102! In cash! <please insert cash register sound> How awesome is that?! Like, VERY!!! It’s like, EPIC LOL EPIC WIN EPIC :O

3. The Roman Numeral Method – I just figured out how Roman numerals work!:

I – one – unus

V – five – quinque

X – ten – decem

L – fifty – quinquaginta

C – one-hundred – centum

D – five-hundred – quingenti

M – one-thousand – mille

For numbers 4,000+, bars are put above the base numeral, otherwise parantheses are used to place around the numeral, to identify multiplication by one-thousands, although Romans themselves simply wrote out the M’s.

Also did u know that parentheses are more versatile than bars? Like, (II) is more synonymous with MM, but II <please excuse no use of a bar. this post is just dumb> isn’t found. The basic multiples of these numerals follow a pattern.

Find out more at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roman_numerals

So, to celebrate my good name, I will be changing my dull and boring theme to a much more exciting theme! Keep your eyes peeled!

So, uh, anyways I have a few announcements:

I have 371 views right now! Thanks everybody! Keep it up to 400!

I started adding tags right now, so apparently, this is the first post to involve tags.

I just added a new widget (whatever that is) so now you can check my blog stats and see how much [insert plural noun: hits] I have.

So uh check out my new theme. Check out my stats. Check out my tags. Checking out.

Hey guys it’s Sam and I have another terrible story to tell you from the time I got orange juice up my nose. It’s even worse…eating Special K. It was one day when Mom poured me a bowl of Special K. I was eating it when my stomach began aching. Worse and worse it grew by the minutes. And it went to the point where I couldn’t even speak, but groan. After awhile, the stomachache passed, but was replaced with a sore throat. I was so confused. I didn’t know WHAT was going on. But then I learned the truth.

Special K is for WOMEN who want to lose weight, not for MEN who want to gain it in muscle. Man I can’t believe I fell for that one. Luckily, I let Mom know and I never ate a spoonful of Special K again.

Today’s commenter question: Have you ever eaten/drank something that you’re not supposed to?

Today’s fact: Special K was introduced to America in 1956.

And that’s today’s terrible story.