Hey guys it’s Sam, and you might remember a time on this very site way back when* (*May 2011, to be exact) I put up a review on Big Nate 2, and I rambled on and on about it in one direction and one direction only: merely how horrible it was (and I wasn’t kidding). And you might remember how I concluded the post: hoping that the by-then-upcoming Big Nate on a Roll, the third entry, would invigorate the series and lift it from its many troubles. Well, now I’ve finally come to read it, and I’m surprised at how serious Lincoln took my information, if he even did. If there was a stream with stepping stones that worked as a reviewing system (the books that stay at the start are the worst, the books that cross are the best), Big Nate 3 would’ve already been almost finished crossing the stream. And why do I say almost? Well, read this review to find that out.
“The rest of the play is kind of a blur. I can’t stop thinking about Artur. Hey, that rhymes!”
– “Big Nate” Wright
(If you wanna skip to the real review, then ignore this paragraph and read the one below.)
The Big Nate series may have published its first full-feature book (not a lousy compilation of comic strips ripped off the web) 2 years ago in ’10, but Nate celebrated his series’ twentieth birthday just last year. If you do the math right, you should come up with the fact that Nate’s series started back in ’91. There have been eight other Big Nate books that weren’t full-feature novels, and almost half of them were cartoon compilations (see what I mean?): 1992’s Add More Babes!, 2008’s I Smell A Pop Quiz!, 2010’s Big Nate from the Top, 2o11’s Big Nate Out Loud and Big Nate and Friends. (Plus this years’s upcoming What Could Possibly Go Wrong?) The other three were what Lincoln Peirce himself described as “failed experiments”: his first 3 Big Nate eBooks from ’02. They were Dibs on This Chair, Pray for a Firedrill, and Big Nate…Makes a Splash.
Have you ever been itching to steal the first place title from your strongest rival? That’s what Nate’s dealing with in Big Nate on a Roll. Nate was always Joe #1 in his Timber Scout troop…that is, until Artur—aka Mr. Perfect—is newly recruited. Now Nate’s been degraded to 2nd place, and Artur means business even without his own knowing of it. But another problem kindles when Nate’s trapped in the center of a “dog-leash incident” and loses his skateboard in the process, landing deep in the waters of Beard’s Creek. Sooner or later, Nate and Artur are fierce competitors in a Timber Scout contest to see who can sell the most wall hangings and soak up the most greens. The prizes, from 3rd-place to 1st, are:
- The 3rd-place winner will receive a Rockin’ Robot kit that allows you to build your own robot with the ability to play over a hundred songs.
- The runner-up will receive a plain telescope with a celestial chart included…whatever that is.
- The grand-prize winner will receive a “hi-flyin'” customized skateboard that allows you to design the board the way you want to! With 55mm wheels and a cast aluminum truck assembly, it’s no wonder why Nate’s fighting hard for this gift.
Will Nate put Artur in second for once in his runner-upping life? Or will he land with the silver medal while Artur gets the gold?
This book is a surprising step in the right direction for Big Nate. Plenty of laughs, drama, and action keep the book strung up and interesting to read. Colorful language (“that shut her up”), violence (ex: a woman is disturbed by the fact that Nate included “botched surgery” in one of his comics) and some lovey scenes do occur, but parental-wise, there’s not much to worry for about this book. Well, maybe except the violence part. Instead of shunning Lincoln, I’m actually coming to praise him for realizing what he’s doing to his fans and stepping up his game. Not by a little, but by a lot. And I swear, if Big Nate 4 can pull this off when it comes out in two weeks, Lincoln’s series is pretty much no longer in critical danger. I should know: did you see what I had to deal with for Big Nate 2? Anyway, I feel good that I had been anticipating my opportunity to read this book for so long. And, hey—I think it actually adds up evenly! Now that I’m feeling all happy, let’s roll the chart.
2 3/4 out of 5 – Educational value – As Nate’s constantly updating his amount of money in the wall hanging competition, he uses a heck of a lot of math problems that readers can follow along to. For example, Nate calculates Artur’s amount of sold wall hangings (53) times the cost of the wall hangings apiece ($8) to get the total amount of money Artur has received for the competition ($424).
3 out of 5 – Positive messages – Although Nate does show the competitive half of him throughout the book, it’s a good message that sometimes we all need to unravel our competitive sides every once in a while. Besides that, there’s not much messages to go around, as Nate’s best friends aren’t very “friend-y”, and his shown teachers have very snappy natures. Wall hangings do have kiddie but sometimes sweet messages on them. Examples include “Sharing is caring!”, “Don’t you love grandmas?”, and even “Follow your rainbow!”
1 3/4 out of 5 – Positive role models – Nate’s sometimes disastrous, other times delightful life is perfectly related to that of real life. Life is almost everything or anything you’d want to call it: a disaster, a movie, a rollercoaster full of twists and turns, and even sometimes a box of chocolates. Nate may get competitive, but maybe that’s how you operate contests, too.
3 3/4 out of 5 – Ease of read – Big Nate on a Roll is a great and invigorating entry into the series, full of humor, action, and plenty of surprises as well. Although the first time I read this book it felt empty at first, I continued reading on and I only rekindled with that feeling every once in a while. That means not all the time. Although this might be more than violent than past entries, it is definitely that one entry in the Big Nate as-of-now trilogy that lifted the series from the rubble and debris of its disasters and gently washed it off until it was clean. Weird metaphor, huh? I remember when I said in the finale of my last Big Nate review: “Hopefully, Lincoln can try again in his third book, which is already in production, due to release this August [I released the post by May ’11, so book 3 hadn’t arrived yet]. Maybe he’ll take back the innovation and get serious this time.” Well, past and modern Sams, you got your wishes.
4 out of 5 – Violence – This book has a baffling amount of violence. Nate mishandles a fake wooden sword and accidentally decapitates a garden gnome with it. One of Nate’s friends, Chad, is shown slamming into a wall via wirework during a play. In one illustration, Teddy and Francis [having come back from a scout camping trip] are in bad shape, Francis’ face swollen with hornet swings, and Teddy about to barf. Nate draws up a newcomer’s comic about a stuntman named Moe Mentum (get it?) that breaks sixteen of his bones, punctures one of his lungs, and has five heart attacks, all in one stunt. Another one of Nate’s comics about our favorite medical misfit Doctor Cesspool, along with his rival Dr. Arch Enemy and fellow nurse Maureen Biology (obviously a play on “marine biology”), shows Cesspool accidentally botching a man while performing surgery on him, putting his foot where his hand should be and his hand where his foot should be. A woman that Nate tries to sell this to is greatly disturbed by this fact. On a camping trip, Nate’s dad accidentally sets up everyone in sight to be skunk-sprayed. Nate pats himself on the back by making a comic about the super-heroic version of himself (Ultra-Nate), and he saves Jenny moments before a truck passes by. Spitsy the dog dive-attacks Nate and begins licking and slobbering all over him. A drop of stray paint lands in Nate’s eye, and he blindly crashes into a ladder that Artur is standing on, causing the two to fall onto the floor. Later, Nate gets caught in an incident where he skates right into an outstretched dog leash. Nate also makes the bad decision of tying Spitsy’s leash to his belt, as Spitsy drags him helplessly dead-on into a tree. And I don’t think I’m even finished with it all.
1 out of 5 – Inappropriate Content – Nate’s still trying to win Jenny’s heart, although for the first time that’s only minor in the book. The final panel of Nate’s camp comic shows everyone in their underwear (including the male adults) in the lake, washing off skunk smell.
2 3/4 out of 5 – Product Placement – Big Nate 3 doesn’t state much direct brand names, and although a competition’s prizes include a build-a-robot kit, a telescope, and a custom skateboard, there is nothing product-placing except the fact that Big Nate 3 belongs to a famous children’s book series.
Entertainment: B+ (3.5 points)
Fun: B+ (3.5 points)
Smarts: B (3 points)
Style: A (4 points)
Read-Again Ratio: B (3 points)
Humor: A- (4 points)
FINAL SCORE: 21 out of 30 (…), 3 1/2 stars out of 5, 81% out of 100%
CONSENSUS: Big Nate on a Roll is the perfect apology to Peirce’s previous failure, bringing back all the good hijinks and heartwarm, but with some trip-ups stuck in the vat, Peirce’s series may not be risen from its rubble completely after all.
Comment, rate, like, share, do this one new thing called “reblogging”, and draw on the subscribe button’s face, and a leprechaun will show up at your house and give you gold. I know, a bit too late for St. Patty’s references, isn’t it? Well, come back next Monday and I’ll have something perty good for you!
– Sam ;)
This week’s Would You Rather o’ The Week (weekly “Would You Rather”s to conclude every post) is: “WOULD YOU RATHER…be the protagonist in a terrible movie, or have a minor role in an amazing movie?” :D :D :D :D :D wt
It’s been a long time since an online game as addictive & immersive as Glitch reared its angelic head. But now, finally, another one of those games has been shared with the public world, one just as beautiful, diverse, and fluid as Glitch, one that definitely builds upon its predecessor. The “threequel” of a wildly successful and silly online game saga, this game has taken its fancy-pant-wearing hero to newly epic proportions never seen before in his history. What’s all the hub-bub about? In this gripping episode, you’re going to find out.
If you remember one of my old posts back in 2010’s days, you’d remember the time when I excitedly blabbed about the announcement of the upcoming World 3 (or at least, all we have of it, the real release date is TBA) in the Fancy Pants Adventures trilogy, the obvious follower of World 2. I rambled on about its debuts of distinguishable toppings to the sundae, including swimming and water-related levels, the introduction of Fancy Pants Man’s sister and her cat, pencil combat, and lots more. Now, you can’t believe the excitement I had when right here, right now, the sneak peek, the closest we can get to World 3, has come, and it’s not just the most beautiful game in the trilogy. It’s one of the most breathtaking online games I’ve ever played, hands down, deal is done. If you think Super Mario Galaxy 2 was the best adventurer’s game you’ve played, wait till you see this.
Fancy Pants Man clearly proves that stunning visuals, marvelous gameplay, catchy tunes, and proficient, solid distinguishes really do add up for one of the best experiences you’ve seen. Enemies have a bit more smarts in the game now: the gun-wielding rat (or, as I like to call him, the “gunmouse” *ba dum CRASH*) can now aim his gun in different directions, a new miner headlight-bearing spider is smart enough to safely land on surfaces below him, blabbity blabbity bloo. I’ve been waiting a long time to tell you about my favorite part of this game: the swimming levels. Whether it’s for a task or just a visit to the wonderland of wetness, the swimming levels are by far the most beautiful aspects of the game, mixed with its equally beauteous music. I kept repeating quotes like “It’s so beautiful”, “I feel like I’m gonna cry”, or “(too sucked in to say much)” while I was swimming through the waters. You could also do lots of stuff like “surf” on the surface of the water, push off of undersea surfaces and fly gracefully into the water, and more. If this is how Michael Phelps practiced for the Olympics, it’s no surprise he’s a multi-gold-medalist. Definitely a game I’m proud to have on my Chrome homepage, and definitely one I’ll come back to and enjoy all over again.
1 out of 5 – Educational value – Your brain does get tested a bit in timed challenges, and maybe getting from place to place requires a bit of logic, but the game is mainly an entertainer, not an educator.
2 3/4 out of 5 – Positive messages – Fancy Pants Man has had a past of heroism, dueling against agitated penguins and bunnies, all for a good cause that some things are worth journeying and fighting for, like peace and love, or an ice cream cone. The new introduction of multiplayer on the consoles are definitely worth saying that “Four is better than two, let alone two being better than one.”
5 out of 5 – Ease of play – The controls are easy to grasp: left and right to move, down to duck, and S to jump. Jump onto a wall to begin wall-climbing, and with just enough momentum, speed, and time you might end up wall-jumping from building to building (Jump & direction to do so). These controls work well and are etched into the game appropriately.
3 1/2 out of 5 – Violence – There are rats that wield pistols that will attempt to shoot at Fancy Pants Man (but the fired “bullets” look more like balls of scribble), as well as spiders that will attempt to cause harm to our hero. FP Man can retaliate by jumping onto them, making them now able to kick, which is what he can also do to snails. When FP Man loses his health, he will fall to the ground, and his angelic soul will rise.
2 out of 5 – Product Placement – World 3 is the third of a very successful and popular online game trilogy called Fancy Pants Adventures made by Brad Borne (who also went on to make Mirror’s Edge 2D), and you can find the games pretty much anywhere from Armor Games to Newgrounds.
Whatever I just mentioned above.
Little to strive for means that you’re just running around for nothing.
Fun: A+ (5 pts)
Entertainment: A+ (5 pts)
Style: A+ (5 pts)
Smarts: A (4.5 pts)
Play-Again Ratio: A+ (5 pts)
Gameplay: A+ (5 pts)
FINAL SCORE: 29.5 out of 30 (you’ve gotta be kidding me), 5 stars out of 5, 94% out of 100%
CONSENSUS: A beautiful, fluid, and atmospheric entry into the series, the World 3 sneak peek is not just the most immersive, beautiful, and solid entry into the series; it’s simply one of the most breathtaking online games created.
Now, as the title says, we’re not finished quite yet. Fancy Pants Man may have embarked on a beauteous journey, but that doesn’t mean his minutes in heaven are over. Fancy Pants Man is going predictably where no online game hero has gone before; the PlayStation Network and the Xbox Live Arcade. It may not be World 3 (perhaps the origin of a devolution), but the console game will include a 2-4 player mode, pencil combat just as World 3 promised, and a fresh batch of new levels, as well as the ones from World 1 and 2. Similar to Limbo, the console version’s story will be about FP Man’s journey through pirates and pencils in order to save his pirate-kidnapped sister. There might also be, according to footage, a “king of the hill” mode in the game, and if you still don’t believe me, check out this trailer.
Now are you excited? The game is actually out as we speak, rated E for mild cartoon violence, and the full game costs a whopping price of 800 Microsoft points, while the trial is free, but not real. Almost 20,000 people have given it a 4-star rating on Xbox.com, and 600 people have taken the time to Like on Facebook. And remember the game’s catchy motto: “Run fast, run fancy.”
Subscribe, rate, like, com—oh, come on, do I really have to tell you what to do every time? This blog’s been alive for almost 2 years!
– Sam :D
p.s. Giants or Patriots? The Super Bowl’s only two days away!
Hey guys it’s Sam, and I’ve decided to host an award show. You’re probably rolling on the floor laughing out loud (ROTFLOL), asking yourself, “How can this little kid host such a big show?” Well, it’s your votes that count, and the nominee with the most votes wins a nice Sammwak Award!
The first category, churned out in bed just past 11:00, is the best animated movie. And your nominees are…
Don’t tango with Rango. Gore Verbinski’s spaghetti Western comedy follows the chameleon Rango as he stumbles off his owner’s car and into the lawless Old Western town of Dirt. He carries zeal to become the new sheriff and the first good guy upon Dirt’s graveyard full of them. It just came out on DVD and Blu-Ray, it had its debut release on March 4 by Paramount, almost 2 weeks before St. Patrick’s Day. And good luck it did get with nonstop critical praise, and a #2 rank on Charter On Demand. Can Rango tango down with a nice golden Sammwak Award?
Feeling despicable? The director’s team of Pierre Coffin and Chris Renaud was too, so they drank from a rusty bucket of water, and thus created Despicable Me. Universal Pictures is behind this 3D adventure, as Gru, the second-most evil super villain (behind Vector, the villain with magnitude) inherits three orphaned girls as pawns for his crime of the century…stealing the moon. But he finds out that their love for him is profoundly changing him, much to his partner’s (Dr. Nefario) dismay. He’s stuck with the decision between staying super bad, or becoming a super dad. What’s really super is how much success it got, critical and in the box office. Coughing up more than $530 million, as well as 2011 KCA, can Gru get the final inspiration to finish that shrink ray with a shiny golden Sammwak Award?
This is the final challenge. The biggest of all. This is the movie that beat out Rango as the #1 title on Charter On Demand. It is…Rio. We haven’t had much animal comedies with much music, but 20th Century Fox brought back what we needed for sure. The movie tells the story of the blue macaw Blu, shipped to Rio de Janeiro to mate with a female. That female does turn out to be the bird of his dreams, Jewel. This mating duo works together to escape from the smuggling clutches of the cockatoo Nigel. But you know what they couldn’t escape…success. It was a bomb that blew up so far, they needed to make an app with the Angry Birds! (the chronological third, behind Seasons and the original) But can it fly far enough to catch a Sammwak Award on its path?
Those are your three choices of the best animated movie. Vote, vote, vote, and whoever gets the most votes wins a Sammwak Award! Start voting…now!
p.s. Toy Story 3 is also a nominee, but the stupid Poll-daddy mechanics wouldn’t let me in on a fourth pick. You can also vote for TS3 if you want, as well as others you enjoy. Just a clarification.
Hey it’s Sam,and since I don’t have anything else to yammer about, it’s another round of Gamecritical awesomeness! This game is one that every online rhythm game lover must know about. I dig this game. My friends dig this game. If you’re a fan of online music games, then Super Crazy Guitar Maniac Deluxe 3 (yes, it’s a long name) is the game for you.
Created by someone, or some company, named Shinki, the game was described on Not Doppler as “the super crazy guitar maniac returns with 14 new songs to master and 10 awesome guitars to choose from!” This is for people who aren’t ready for Guitar Hero quite yet. The controls are simple and easy to learn right on your keyboard, consisting of just the arrows (up, down, left, and right), the keys A, S, D, and F, and numbers 1-4. The rhythms are sweet, and the guitars look real in-game. The second sequel of Rob Sienkiewicz’s “G-rated” Super Crazy Guitar Maniac Deluxe, SCGMD3 has improved visuals and a bigger multiplier than either of the preceding games. Check out some super crazy maniac jams!
But there are some flaws that take away from the game, sincerely. Let me list them:
- The track list has songs you wouldn’t know.
- The voice you always hear can get annoying.
- Still one stick man to rock with. Still one.
- Tracks are way too hard.
- Some carbon-copied things from the past haunt SCGMD3.
- It may be an odd idea, but multiplayer could help instead of sitting around taking turns.
- Tracking your notes isn’t always frequent.
Can’t deal with this on my own, though. Only the true critics can…all of you out there! Check out this game at Not Doppler in the link below! Yep, URLs are too mainstream.
So, you’ve gotten the success of completing stage one of becoming an awesome rockstar! Now, onto Guitar Hero! ;) And, if you’re lucky, maybe even Rock Band! :D
Here are some merits and demerits that this game deserves!
Sucks You In – A good game, online or video, can use their ability of sucking you in, and making you a part of that game, for an advantage. Games able to pull off this herculean feat, welcoming you for hours or days at a time, are marked with this handy merit.
Great Soundtrack – Any game can carelessly and clumsily slap together a handful of songs onto a mix tape. But when games include music that can help steer moods, it helps give more flair to the experience. Games like those are marked with this merit.
Funny – Even if it’s a comedy, the jokes can easily slip down the drain. And it really proves to be rather hard to keep some jokes moving across. For example: Why did the humor game cross the road? To get stuck with this awesome award. See, that wasn’t hilarious at all. But when games manage to ravish the ROFLCopter of it, it ends up on our Funny list.
Better than the Sum Of Its Parts – This award may not sound like it’s anything valuable, but its numerous run-of-the-mill pieces can come together in an interesting way, resulting in a game better than the thinkable.
Outstanding Gameplay – Some games play better than others, and regardless of whether it’s an exciting new development or a refined collection of playing systems that you’ve seen before, if there’s a game that goes above and beyond the call of duty, it’s worth the special mention.
Good Start – This new game introduces us to a lot of new things, and the end result is that we’re left wanting more, like an improved sequel/spin-off. Games that we’d like to see bigger and brighter things from in the future are marked with the Good Start merit.
Difficultly Punishing – Sure the ideal boss fight, like Mario vs. Bowser, can put up a good fight. But when games push it too far, you end up making a fool out of yourself. This game would’ve been more appealing if it reduced the Haterade and punishing difficulty.
Too Hard – There’s something up when you have to struggle with maintaining a game, if it varies from difficult controls to tough gameplay. When games like these are good exercises for brain tumors, they get marked with this demerit.
Before this post stretches on for days, SCGMD3‘s final verdict is a “great” 7.9 out of 10. “Hard, punishing controls in a carbon copied environment does strip the experience away, but Super Crazy Guitar Maniac Deluxe 3 manages to compensate a new, distinguishing high for Shinki’s series.” So I guess that SCGMD3 is the breakthrough of Shinki’s series.
Check back here for more Gamecritical posts, more epic humor, and more from Sammwak! And, think you got what it takes to be on my next post? Send in an online game that you love, and if it has the guts, graphics, and genius to dazzle or dismay me, you could be responsible for the next Gamecritical post!
– Sam :D ;)
p.s. Can we just get to 30,000 hits already? I am still waiting… :(
p.p.s. Want to reminisce SCGMD2 without actually playing it? Here are some of my fave jams!
That’s right. Capcom has gotten a whole new look on itself. They were a little unsure of Street Fighter IV at first. It was like a glob of wet clay with plenty of cracks. Then the fan nature called, and Super Street Fighter IV answered, filling in all the drab cracks that made it a masterpiece. I guess the Dimps-Capcom team thought that it just wasn’t enough. So now they’ve put their innovation to the test…and the Arcade Edition was born.
The SSF4 series is still at its best in rebooting, like doing so for the pictured Yun and Yang. Think of this that sets them apart besides their couture: Yun’s a skater, but Yang’s more of a rollerblader. Back in April 2010, producer Yoshinori Ono announced that there would be an arcade version. Currently, Evil Ryu (Street Fighter Alpha 2) and the brand-new Oni have been announced as playable bad guys. A couple of play tests were handled in numerous arcades as well as during the SF4 finals at Tougeki Super Battle Opera. Shortly after the release, pictures showing debug 360 achievements with various AE characters were leaked, implying a console release in the future. Evil Ryu was officially announced as playable on March 25, 2011, and Oni was released two weeks later on April 8. It’s planned for a June 7 release for the 360, and the PS3 as online DLC and media 4 weeks later, on June 28. The Replay Channel from SSF4 is getting bumped up a notch. Now players can distribute their replays, follow others’ recent games, and view a special channel featuring proficient players. It has also been announced that a PC version is due for release in July, including a benchmark computer test, and making use of Games for Windows Live.
Check out a taste of what to expect from Arcade Edition if you don’t know of it already:
“Yun and Yang’s Ultras”
“Yun and Yang Trailer”
So if you want to unleash your inner warrior (and you own a PS3 or Xbox 360), invest in the Arcade Edition for just $39.99 when it hits stores July 28! And to me, that’s cheaper than most titles GameStop sell.
Goodbye for now, and if you still check out our channel, we plan to update as soon as possible when we get AE! ;)
– Sam :D
Hey guys it’s Sam, and I’m back with another juicy post from a not-that-long hiatus! And, yes, it talks about video games! ;) You probably thought that from the striking kickoff of the 2003 shooter, Call of Duty, you thought that no one could beat the slam-bang Black Ops. Hah! You’re wrong, bub! No one is underestimated by 2011 in video gaming. Because this November (or in three days), the next COD will open fire. It’s already in co-development by past COD developer Infinity Ward, soon to be published by past publisher Activision. I know it’s going to be your favorite. We all do. Here goes…are you tired of turkey for a Thanksgiving treat?…How about some more Modern Warfare?
That’s right. Call of Duty: MW3 is the next installment in the trigger-happy COD series. The storyline is unknown for me. Maybe if you tag onto online retailers, you might know. It might be possible to continue the oh-so-stale World War theme. It might continue the Cold War era from Black Ops. I don’t know, it might even get a little Revolutionary! Or it can start a new trend all on its own, which is what I mostly suspect. All that fans know from the upcoming MW3 are four teaser trailers released on Friday the 13th, each named after different countries: “America”, “England”, “France”, and “Germany”. Gaming website Kotaku (also on the same day) spilled various info tidbits about the game, stating that it would be a direct sequel to 2009’s Modern Warfare 2, also regarding the weapons, levels, modes, and vice versa about MW3. Activision confirms that it will be revealed on May 20, but at the same time Wikipedia states that it would be a November publication. Let’s see which one wins in 3 days, shall we? ;)
Here are the teaser trailers that were released on Friday the 13th by CALLOFDUTY:
So if you’re a trigger-happy fan of Call of Duty, save your money for the big moment that MW3 will release! Also keep track of what platforms it will release for!
With all du3 r3spect,
March is simply the month of luck, greens, and greens. And especially comes that time where I can FINALLY give you another uproarious edition of joke compilations. That’s right, fellow jokesters and/or jokees. March’s compilation of Joke Time with yours truly has finally come around! (This is also an apology for my long absence. Think of it as a hiatus.)
Where do fish keep their credit cards?…In the river bank!
How does an egg get to work?…It drives in a Yolkswagen!
What type of car does a cow drive?…A Cattle-ac!
A director is screen testing Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger for a film on composers. Not having figured out who’s which composer, he asks Sylvester which composer he’d like to be. Sylvester said he wanted to be Mozart. Then he asked Arnold what HE’D like to be. Arnold replied, “Ah’ll be Bach!”
A woman has twins and gives them for adoption. One goes to an Egyptian family and is named “Amal.” The other goes to a Spanish family and is named “Juan.” Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to the woman, who said to her husband that she wished for a picture of Amal as well. Her husband said, “But they’re twins–if you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”
YO MAMA – Yo mama’s so ______……..
Yo mama’s so fat, when she jumped off the Empire State Building, she turned around and gave Jesus a high-five!
Yo mama’s so poor, she has the ducks throw bread at HER!
Yo mama’s so fat, her BMI is measured in acres!
Yo mama’s so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sits next to EVERYBODY!
Yo mama’s so stupid, she tried organizing her M&M’s in alphabetical order!
Yo mama’s so stupid, she put paper on the TV and said it was pay-per-view!
PUNS – Lemons are sour, these jokes aren’t! SWEET!
I was aboard a ship with my crew and a bunch of root beer. It was told I was being so cocky they threatened to make me walk the plank. And when I did, before I jumped I asked, “Can I at least have one more mug of root beer?” The pirate said, “Of course!” So I took the mug and JUMPED! And I would’ve drowned if it hadn’t been for one thing…ROOT BEER FLOAT!
It was comedy night. All of the best comedians were attending a shot at the best jokes. The next contestant walks up to the microphone confidently and begins, “Crowd, I have a story to tell you.” Next, a voice out of the crowd shouts, “WHY DON’T YOU MAKE IT 10 STORIES AND THEN JUMP?”
Did you hear about the guy whose entire left side was cut off. Don’t panic. He’s all right now!
When William joined the military for war, he didn’t like the saying, “Fire at will”.
Sometimes feet and noses are built backwards: Their feet smell and their noses run.
I relish the fact that you’ve mustard enough strength to ketchup to me.
Greengrocers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, take a leek, turnip the covers endive into bed.
This would’ve gone on for lots more, but I can’t give away all the rest of the volumes. Come back soon for an April edition of Joke Time with yours truly! Lemons are sour, my jokes aren’t! SWEET!