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Movies, like anything, come in all shapes and sizes. Action-packed movies that are literally their own explosives, drama titles that pull at your heartstrings, horror bloodbaths that’ll leave you jolting your boxes of popcorn instead of enjoying them, comedies that’ll have you laughing until you can’t breathe, etc. But there’s one type of movie that’s barely gotten true honor: the video game genre. Yes, that exists. Probably the only existent “inner gamer” movie has to be The Wizard, a Christmas ’89 title that introduced what would become one of the biggest games in history: Super Mario Bros. 3. And speaking of arcade games, that’s where that story ends, and this new story begins.

File:Wreck-It Ralph poster.jpg

(How many video game characters can you spot? :D)

I have never been so excited for a movie. Um, ever. Directed by the former animation director for both The Simpsons and Futarama, Wreck-It Ralph, the 52nd Disney Animated Feature and the first of 2012 (the 51st being last year’s Winnie the Pooh), starts at a typically nostalgic down-the-block arcade. One of the titles in that arcade is Fix-It Felix, Jr., where you play Felix himself and must constantly repair the damages of a building facade while the game’s villain smashes away atop the building. That villain is the 9′-tall, 643-pound Wreck-It Ralph (John C. Reilly), and for three decades he’s been the guy that everyone loved to hate. And Ralph’s tired of that. And to make everyone notice he can be the hero, he literally disappears from the game via power cord and joins the light-gun FPS Hero’s Duty, battling “Cy-Bugs” alongside the game’s own hero, Sergeant Calhoun (Jane Lynch). But he doesn’t spend the whole movie in this game, as he later goes onto a candy-themed kart racer called Sugar Rush, and here he meets one of the game’s main characters, Vanellope von Schweetz (Sarah Silverman). Vanellope has learned that her game is faced with a threat that could affect the entire arcade. The worst part? Ralph may have started the whole thing.

I was originally gonna come out with a “Top 5 Most Self-Anticipated Movies of the Year” post, but I’ll tell you right here and now, this movie was #1 before the list was even finished. I first came intact with this movie at this year’s Comic-Con, and I’ve been loving it ever since. ❤ This movie promises appearances from some of your favorite game characters: Ryu, Ken, M. Bison, Zangief, Chun-Li, Cammy (all Street Fighters), Clyde (one of the Pac Man ghosts), Bowser, Eggman, Kano, Smoke, Q*bert, and it doesn’t even stop there. (This fact about the movie took a page from Roger Rabbit’s 1988 adventure, also from Disney.) There’s a result of over 200 individual models based off these inclusions. Running on a budget of $150 million to possibly make movie history by rejuvenating the game movie genre, this movie luckily had a date shift to November 2 this year, which was originally next March. (Thank goodness!) And to add to that, it also got a major appearance in the latest Game Informer, and Fix-It Felix’s adventure is now available in full-Flash at Ralph’s official site. And–you likely should’ve seen this coming–Wreck-It Ralph will be receiving his own video game on the Wii, DS, and 3DS! This Disney Inter.-Activision project is stated to be a “story extension” to the movie. And to add to that, Ralph will even be featured among the racers in Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing Transformed! How can you say “game over” to that? Well, Wreck-It Ralphwill premiere November 2 in 3D, but the story’s not quite done yet…and besides, you haven’t seen these Wreck-It Ralph TV spots yet!

 

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File:Paperman (2012) poster.jpg

This is Disney’s new black-and-white short flick, Paperman. Blending traditional and computer animation, you’ll be able to see this movie directly after Wreck-It Ralph, like La Luna was shown right after Brave. The synopsis states that the movie follows a lonely young man in mid-century NYC, whose destiny takes a turn after meeting a ravishing woman during a morning commute. Convinced the girl of his dreams has slipped through his fingers, he gets a second chance at love when he spots the woman in the window of a skyscraper across the avenue of his office. Armed with love, imagination, and a stack of papers, his efforts show not even close to paralleling his awaiting fates. Hearts will break and papers will fly this fall. Ooh, sounds romantic. Anyway, whether you’re in it or not, you can catch Wreck-It Ralph and Paperman in their premieres this fall, and it’s going to be like watching all those scenes at the end of The Avengers. 😉

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Stay cool,

~S~ 😎

p.s. Random Video o’ the Week: In the 90s, Goosebumps was hot, Pogs were a fad, Nickelodeon was on fire, and all girls talked about were bands like Hanson, or the Backstreet Boys, or N*SYNC. Now, Goosebumps HorrorLand is the only existent series, Pogs have vanished from the mainstream, and girls are obsessing over people like Justin Bieber and Big Time Rush. Oh, and Nickelodeon still holds a small flame. But you should’ve seen them back in the day. All That, Kenan & Kel, Legends, Figure It Out, Family Double Dare, Clarissa, the list goes on. 90’s kids had it all, and after more than a decade of being in the shadows (excluding SpongeBob, which is still alive, and Figure It Out, which has been revived) it just had to get re-honored in all its nostalgic glory. So TeenNick made The 90’s Are All That last summer. While it’s on every night from 12-2am, with a 2-4am encore right after, at least you can get a taste of how it feels now. (Ever since last August it’s received almost 30k hits.)



The first thing you might think at this time is, “Dude, what the heck? We’ve been on stand by for over a month!” I’m devastatingly sorry for the “hiatus”, and I’ll explain everything at the end of the post. But for now, let’s kick off our movie review, shall we? Basketball is one of the most famed sports on the face of the earth, and I can name a round of players right off the bat: LeBron James, Shaq O’Neal, Kobe Bryant, Michael Jordan. And few people may know it, but Shaq was actually in a 1996 fantasy comedy called Kazaam. Needless to say, he was the titular genie. Needless to say, it received horrendous reception and is actually deemed one of the worst movies in history. Later that fall, Michael Jordan decided to try his luck at a crazy movie like Shaq’s. And honestly, throwing Looney Tunes into the mix is crazy enough. Add basketball, baseball, golf, and the physics of the cartoon world, shake vigorously, and you’ve got yourself today’s movie: Space Jam.

Things seem pretty hopeless for Jordan and the “Toon Squad”, doesn’t it?

Released in November 1996, Space Jam is a live-action/animated family comedy from the director of over 80 Super Bowl commercials, plus music videos for the likes of the Beatles and Michael Jackson. This movie actually marked the debut of Lola Bunny, Bugs’ “female merchandising counterpart”. In simpler language, she’s his girlfriend. The plot of the movie is that space aliens known as Nerdlucks are sent by their nasty boss to capture the celebrated Looney Tunes cohorts for space amusement park attractions. Michael has also thrown in the towel and given up his spot on the Chicago Bulls to pursue a career in–*shiver*–baseball! In this period he meets publicist Stan Podolak, who tries his best to ensure nobody bothers Jordan. It was just one fateful day on the golf course when everything changed. Michael was just posing for a picture, reaching down into the hole to retrieve the ball. That’s when he got sucked into the hole and was transported to the cartoon world. Turns out that Jordan was recruited to whip up the Tunes into sporty shape after they are challenged by the Nerdlucks to an all-or-nothing basketball game. Jordan is reluctant at first, but he seems to be in it to win it after being squeezed into a ball and dribbled up and down the court. And by seeing the Nerdlucks, you’d think that this would be a piece of cake:

Not for long, though. When the Nerdlucks intrude a basketball game disguised as a spectator, they use their powers to harness the bodies of players on the court and make them look bad on purpose. They also steal the ball, too. We later realize that when they touch the ball, it gives them some sort of power that turns them into grotesque beefcakes known as the “Monstars”. Now the tables have turned, haven’t they? But Jordan and the “Toon Squad” have some secret weapons up their sleeve, and the end of the match is nothing but a surprise…80

Don’t get me wrong, Space Jam is a good Looney Tunes movie. Actually, it’s a great Looney Tunes highlight. But it’s actually not a very good real movie. Sloppy crossover animations, a weak script, an uninspired plot, some questionable soundtrack (especially in the showdown), and a lack of faith towards both Jordan and the Tunes makes this probably one of the most…what’s the word? Oh, yeah– disappointing, obscure, and just plain weird movies I’ve ever seen. But that doesn’t stop this movie from becoming a true cult classic in my eyes. It’s no Who Framed Roger Rabbit, but it works well enough for me. In a nutshell, Space Jam is good in the light of Looney Tunes alone, but bad in any other light. Yep, from its messy opening credits all the way to its exceptionally special “That’s all Folks!” call-off. Roll the chart, please. But before we do that, how about we see a clip or two? 😀

 0 out of 5 – Educational value –  The movie is meant more for entertainment than education.

 1 3/4 out of 5 – Positive messages – The Tunes and Jordan work together in the b-ball showdown to put off their best effort against the Monstars. (Or Nerdlucks, technically. :lol:) Jordan shows perseverance and tries to cheer up his team whenever they are down. And in this case, they are down a lot.

2 out of 5 – Positive role models –  The Tunes and Jordan work together in the b-ball showdown to put off their best effort against the Monstars. (Or Nerdlucks, technically. :lol:) Jordan shows perseverance and tries to cheer up his team whenever they are down. And in this case, they are down a lot. (What, I got a little roped up!! :x) Bugs pushes Lola out of the way and takes a devastating hit for her, which proves that he has the hots for her and will do anything to protect her.

1 out of 5 – Ease of view – Space Jam is pretty hard to comprehend, considering its style of live-action/animation crossover. Like I said earlier, the crossover animations were sloppy.

4 out of 5 – Violence – Lots of pratfall from both live-action and animated characters, but it soon gets out of hand. Stan is on the level above Jordan after his turn at a baseball game, but he falls off. Michael gets sucked into the hole and through to the Tune world kinda gruesomely. Speaking of gruesome, the Nerdlucks transform into Monstars in very grotesque ways. Oh, I also said that Michael gets squeezed into a ball, right? Also, the Monstars seem to easily crush the Tunes during the game…literally. At the bench, the Tunes are in obviously horrendous shape. Elmer’s actually in a straitjacket! The tables turn and the Monstars face various problems: the hoop is covered with explosives that trigger when a Monstar attempts to dunk, creating an explosion that covers the whole screen. Yosemite Sam and Elmer Fudd use guns to shoot the teeth out of a Monstar. The same Monstar tugs Daffy off his face, stretching his skin at uncomfortable lengths. When the skin retracts, his face is in a mangled mess. As I said, Lola is almost crushed by a Monstar, but Bugs takes the hit for her. But all of this is typical Looney Tunes slapstick cartoon violence, meant more for laughs.

 1 out of 5 – Inappropriate Content – A Monstar gets his shorts snagged, revealing his butt to the audience. Bugs and Lola share a few steamy kisses. Bugs also kisses Jordan (clean on the lips), to ensure that he is in the Tune world.

1 out of 5 – Language – “Butt” is about as “colorful” as it gets.

3 out of 5 – Product Placement – Big Mac, Gatorade, Nike, Looney Tunes (obviously), etc. Technotronic’s “Pump Up the Jam” can be heard during a select scene in the movie, and you may recognize a few other tunes as well, including “I Believe I Can Fly”.

3/4 out of 5 – Drinking, Drugs, and/or Smoking – Michael gives the team a special liquid formula to increase their skill, but it’s nothing but water with a placebo effect.

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Smarts: C- (2 pts)

Fun: A- (4 pts)

Humor: A (4 pts)

Entertainment: A+ (5 pts)

Style: A+ (5 pts)

FINAL SCORE: 20 out of 30 (even I’m surprised.), 3 stars out of 5, 59% out of 100%

CONSENSUS: Space Jam may serve well in Looney Tunes terms, but it’s actually an underrated movie with an uninspired plot, a cheesy script, obscure animations, and drab jokes. This sports comedy mishmash could serve kids well, but could leave older audiences less than entertained.

PRICE: On Amazon new copies cost $27, while used ones cost $5. On Amazon Instant Video, you can rent the movie for 2 days for $3. Like what you see? Buy it for $10. Don’t forget the two-disc special edition, though; it costs $18 on average, new ones cost $11, used ones cost $8, and collectibles cost $23. There’s also another 1-disc 2000 version which buys for $6, while new and used copies cost $4 on average. The movie’s OST costs $10; new ones cost $4, used ones go for a penny.

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I told you I’d explain this huge break in the schedule. Two words: house rules. Apparently I’m on the web a tad bit too much, so I’ve been adjusted and that’s why we haven’t seen something new for weeks–I haven’t been on the computer half the summer! It’s a new record! I am really, really sorry and will try to make this up to you as best and as soon as possible. 😦 😦 😦 Anyway, here’s Sammwak, calling off from Skokie, Illinois! Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, and/or good night, folks.

~S~

p.s. Would You Rather o’ the Week: Would you rather be a small guy with large skill, or a large guy with small skill?

p.p.s. Random Video o’ the Week: Over the summer, I’ve become an official Disney XD fan due to shows like Lab RatsKickin’ It, Pair of Kings, and Ultimate Spider-Man. This summer’s format? A “Nonstop Summer”. Adam Hicks, a Disney XD veteran (formerly the Luther of Zeke and Luther, now on Pair of Kings), even created/deejayed a song about this Nonstop Summer with the help of fellow deejay Cole Plante. You’ll instantly recognize stars from Lab RatsPair of Kings, and Kickin’ It. This upload of the video, as there are many of them, had the most views overall at almost 30,000, with 140 likes and only 4 dislikes. It was released in June this year by , and don’t underestimate the fact that it’s only a minute long; trust me, it’s awesome. (Also check out a “Nonstop Summer” video collection of “we’ll be right backs”, “coming up nexts”, and “you’re watchings”! :D)



Hey, it’s Sam, and we’ve dug up another YouTube treasure, mateys! Fans of Harry Potter? This treasure will leave you stupefied for more! Okay, so Hermione–sorry, Emma Watson–is getting interviewed for Prisoner of Azkaban. The interviewer mentions how Hermione “socked it to” Draco in the movie, and a good “sock” it was. And out of nowhere, he says that he wants Emma to punch him. I’m not lying. He really said it. You can even check the video if you want to. I don’t know how many 5-Hour Energies he had to drink to work up the nerve to say that. And amidst his begging, Emma really sucker punches him hard. Even costing him a couple teeth. If the tooth fairy comes tonight, that guy will be a thousandaire tomorrow morning. 😀

I mean seriously, when Muggles get mad, they get mad! Now, this video got almost 4.5 million views since its release back in January 2006 by christmassacre, so we’re all not really surprised how it went viral. Over 5,000 people liked this video, but almost 500 dislikes grew. Why are there any dislikes? Maybe, besides those overprotective parents. And again, the video isn’t even that long, it’s only almost a minute long. And to tie in, I’ll show you the other video of Hermione sucker punching Draco.

Now this video is almost at 50,000 views, so it’s not strongly viral otherwise. Even if it was released last year in April. When Sammwak basically started. But the surprising note of over 100 likes and absolutely no dislikes is a shocker of awesomeness. Good job, Pokehero2009. This mostly got comments about how Hermione did the sock-it-to-em on Draco, and how he deserved it, and how people kept pressing the seven button…

So this is an important life lesson: never mess with a Muggle, let alone Hermione. 😦 I even got this pic sent by her!

So, remember that, and I’ll see you when we dig up our next YouTube treasure! 😉

Later, Sam



Yep, that’s right! The day I always predicted…and dreaded. Today, tearful teachers have burst open their doors to allow their students to move on. Otherwise known as: the end of school. The end of the 2010-2011 school year. Oh, what a mess of red eyes and tears my school had. But when it comes to this, I’m usually good at keeping my manhood, holding my ground, and being stone-hearted. Did any of you graduate? If so, congratulations of your accomplishment. Because this is just one milestone on the path of an awesome life. I know I’ve marked many milestones in the past. Hitting 1,000 hits. Hitting 5,000 hits. Hitting 10,000 hits. And now…hitting over 20,000 hits.

And now, since I feel like starting a brand-new tradition, I’ve decided to add a song of celebration to my posts. Feel free to break free, let loose, and celebrate! Come on, don’t be shy.

You probably hate my guts right now, don’t you? 😉

Have an epic summer, everyone! Ēka mahākāvya hai garmī! Ont été une épopée! Hebben een epische zomer! Haben eine epische Sommer! Hanno un estate epica!

(Just testing your language skills. :D)

A bientôt,

Sam

p.s. How do you plan to spend YOUR summer? Answer me through comments or emails! And please, start voting stars on my posts! (Winka blinka winka 😉



Hey guys guess what? I just got a peek of Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! Special Edition 2011, and it is freakishly epic! Oh and remember the guy on the cover, you know, “Tigerface”?

Don’t freak. It’s just a face-painting. You haven’t seen that book yet, for it contains stuff like:

A dude with a third ear (on his arm)!

A 29-inch Chinese dude who meets an English lady whose legs are 52 inches ALONE! :O

A guy who makes Barack Obama out of 12, 743 gumballs!

Among many, many more!

But, Ripley’s Believe It Or Not has actually bought something so absurd, it deserves to be in Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! Special Edition 2012…it’s an M&M Eminem!

The amazing dude who made this masterpiece is actually a candy artist, Enrique Ramos, to be exact. This was made out of more than 1,000 M&Ms alone, and measures 40 inches by 30 inches, weighing just eight pounds. Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! was so amused from the painting that they bought it for an undisclosed amount for their Odditorium. Hopefully, they’ll have some AC down there!

“This thing looks good enough to eat!” says Tim O’ Brien, the vice president of Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! I can’t speak to all Eminem fanboys and fangirls, but I won’t be having a 40-inch Eminem out of M&M’s for dessert anytime sooner. No, thank you.

But the portrait isn’t alone. Its friends, gumball Michael Jackson and lint Princess Diana have joined the sugary MC as well.

If it actually made it into the 2012 edition, I’d call it ‘Sugary Star‘. What would YOU call it? Comment or email me your title for this sugary dude!

If you want, check out Ripley’s site for more weird epicness. Like Ripley said himself before he died, “Nothing’s stranger than the truth.”

http://www.ripleys.com/

Believe it or not, Sam is signing out. PEACE!



Hey guys it’s Sam and guess what? Do you know Cheezburger.com? U kno, the land of Lolcats and Loldogs? (If ur confused, click here!)

Well, guess what? I’m starting to like another meme of that particular Cheezburger family….of the Fail Blog siblings. It’s called Oddly Specific, and it’s basically a compilation of MESSED-UP signs. Here is an example:

Oh this route goes…SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW!!!

This messed-up compilation of messed-up signs are not only messed-up. They’re…ODDLY SPECIFIC.

For each meme Cheezburger.com holds is proudly an Internet phenomena by themselves, are they not?

I’ve favorited a heck of a lot of Oddly Specific signs, and I even have one of them as my Pic of the Week at my sidebar. And speaking of Pics of the Week, I’ve started a new somethin-somethin. It’s called “Pic of the Week”, obviously. It’s when I find a funny picture on Cheezburger.com enough to make me not only l0l, but r0fl. I’ll put it up as my Pic of the Week for the week, and then I will change it to an even funnier pic. And then so on it goes, the pics getting so funny you’ll JIZZ IN YOUR PANTS!

So I guess that’s all for now.

L8trs. Sam.

p.s. Check out Cheezburger.com for more funny guaranteed to make you r0fl, or even jizz in your pants!

http://cheezburger.com/

And check out Oddly Specific for more signs that are “doin it wrong!”

http://oddlyspecific.failblog.org/

Pretty soon, you’ll be jizzing in your pants at memes like My Food Looks Funny… (The meme of funny food photos.)

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…There I Fixed It… (The meme of epic kludges and jury rigs.)

And even Poorly Dressed! (The meme of seriously questionable style moments.)

And many more memes licensed to make people lmao!

– Sam