Hey guys it’s Sam, and I don’t have time to watch a lot of movies on my own time, but I do watch a lot of movies as a class. And one of those was what our class finished in—what seems to be a questionable spot—Spanish class. So yes, the movie was in Spanish, but with English subtitles. And this is a movie I honestly question sometimes about the horrible cases of negativity it received (but then again, the director’s past movies have apparently been bad as well). It’s a rather “true blue” movie that splits two worlds conjoined by one adventure…this movie is The Smurfs, or Los Pitufos in Spanish.
You may know The Smurfs (based off of the Belgian comic series of the same name, alongside its eponymous TV show) as the competition against Cowboys vs. Aliens, both of the movies releasing on the same day. You might remember how the true blue flick lost by just $0.8 million! You might remember how critics and audiences had different perspectives of the movie in negative and positive ways. But we’re here to learn about what I had to say about it. Let’s start off with the story: Papa, Grouchy, Brainy, Clumsy, Gutsy, and Smurfette end up, in a pursuit from evil wizard Gargamel and also via vortex technology, in the human world (more specifically, the Big Apple) apart from their rightful Smurf home. They then must find a way to get back home while still avoiding Gargamel and they run into humans in the process. These humans are Patrick and Grace Winslow, a husband-and-wife couple with a basset hound named Elway. These two merge and learn the benefits of teamwork, leadership, and bravery on the Smurfs’ wild adventure.
The movie actually wasn’t half bad. I don’t know why critics had their usual lip to set on the movie, since it was polar opposite of what it critically received. The movie was inspiring, adventurous (you know I love a good cliffhanger and hero-gets-tortured and beat-up-the-bad-guy scene), epic, and actually quite funny. To add into that, the movie was also full of great messages like leadership and teamwork and putting others first. And for a movie about a bunch of three-apples-high little blue dwarfs running around the NYC looking like obnoxious Na’vi offspring dwarfs (no offense), that’s saying something.
1 3/4 out of 5 – Educational value – The movie is meant for amusement only, but the Smurfs do teach kids about teamwork, while Papa Smurf and the Winslows teach about the importance of putting family first.
3 out of 5 – Positive messages – The Smurfs offer positive messages about cooperation, teamwork, and family togetherness. Clumsy Smurf’s transformation into a fearless hero in the end (spoiler alert) is a great lesson that none of us is just “one thing,” even if that’s what we’re most known for by our friends and family.
2 1/2 out of 5 – Positive role models – Grace is kind and helpful, even though the Smurfs frighten her at first. Papa always thinks of his fellow Smurfs first, and then himself. The other Smurfs are optimistic and sweet, and Patrick even learns fatherly duties from Papa Smurf.
3 3/4 out of 5 – Ease of view – The Smurfs is a great movie that teaches kids about what it feels like to work as a team and put others before you, although not all the spots of the movie are bright ones. Despite getting the critical hammer lowered on it, and despite losing a rather fierce competition, The Smurfs is a cleverly plotted flick that mixes humor, adventure, and good messages all in one great combo.
4 out of 5 – Violence – Gallons of pratfall and cartoonish violence, but it does get more serious in the clutches of Gargamel, the film’s villain who is always trying to capture the Smurfs. Gargamel’s cat Azrael almost always gets thrown into danger’s path, with his master asking “Are you dead?” to see if he made it. The Smurfs and Gargamel end up in a cat-and-mouse pursuing in a shop, and they find each other once more in the climax’s epic battle which results in some injuries, but blood and/or death is out of the question. Azrael coughs up a clump of Smurfette’s hair in a graphic style that may disturb some viewers. Papa Smurf “takes one for the team” and stays behind to be captured by Gargamel and have “essence” extracted from him in a rather torturous scene. Gargamel also uses wand magic to capture Smurfs and flash a spell into the sky Voldemort-style. He also gets hit by a bus, but does not die. A sequence that might frighten the very young occurs in which Gargamel terrorizes Smurf Village and destroys many upon many of Smurf homes. A vision predicts that Clumsy will mess everything up by failing to catch a wand.
1 3/4 out of 5 – Inappropriate Content – The Winslows show affection—holding hands, embracing, and finally kissing (twice)—in short-and-sweet manners. Smurfette stands over a subway grate Marilyn Manson-style, but her “brothers” are more interested in the breeze, one even flashing his butt as an “enchanted forest.” One Smurf flashes his boxers before jumping into the portal back home. Grace is pregnant.
2 out of 5 – Language – The word “smurf” is used frequently as a substitute for many other words (like how Finn and Jake use this same formula for the word “math”), the results including “Smurf off”, “You smurfin’ crossed the wrong smurf”, and “Smurf me”, among other clean words like “smurfabunga” and “hypersmurfilating”. Real live words that rank on the colorful-language list include “oh my God” and briefly “d-mn”.
3 1/2 out of 5 – Product Placement – It’s not a surprise that the consumerism levels are literally flowing through the roofs, with appearances like the Blue Man Group, NBC’s Community (it’s true), Samsung Blu-Ray, Apple Inc., M&M’s, Aerosmith Guitar Hero, CBGB, Bluetooths, FAO Schwarz, ALEX toys, Madame Alexander dolls, and references to Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” (which is coincidental due to the fact that Katy provides the voice of Smurfette) and Braveheart.
Smarts: B+ (3.5 points)
See-Again Ratio: A- (4 points)
Fun: A (4 points)
Entertainment: A (4 points)
Humor: A (4 points)
Style: B (3 points)
FINAL SCORE: 26.5 out of 30 (I did not see that coming), 3 stars out of 5, 77% out of 100%
CONSENSUS: It may not shine as brightly as advertised, but The Smurfs is a diverse movie with the humor, adventure, and positive messages to make it worthwhile, but it honestly can’t be saved from its sometimes blunt expectations.
PRICE: You sure you wanna go all true and all blue? See what I did there, I made the word blue. Anyway, The Smurfs costs $20 with a 44% savings addition. Too outrageous for you? $8.50 is the narrowed-down new price, while $7 is the used price. Take your pick, and if you can’t, go to Blockbuster where you can buy the movie new for $24, or have it for a solid 7 days with the weekly rental price of $5. And if you can’t accept that, well…I don’t think you can trust me anymore, can you?
Like, rate, comment, and sing that Smurf song to the subscribe button until it explodes of annoyance overload! And stay tuned for more awesome stuff on Sammwak! Can you believe it? It’s already Valentine’s Day! <3 Sorry for a little late delay, but you know what that meant: more awesomeness!
Hey guys it’s Sam, and my birthday is now just four days away. Can I get some applause?********Thank you. Now, it’s time for another time to dig up a fresh YouTube treasure, mateys! Our last treasure took place 2 weeks ago in a rather dorkly series of events, so it should be time to dig up another one, right? A lot of people make a lot of stick figure videos on YouTube (even I was originally capable of doing so, but I was underage at the time), and with a lucky run, they go viral. And by viral, I mean at least 10 million views apiece. I know a lot of stick figure videos out there aren’t at milestones this high (but are still hoping to do so), but there’s only one person I know who has done so. His name is TomSka, and whether you’ve heard of his “ASDF (pronounced as-duff) Movie” series or not, he’s a pretty funny guy, and I’ve got proof.
Rated E10+ for ages 10 and up for violence including blood, fire, explosions, guns, and slapstick, mild/suggestive language, and strong humor.
There’s also one other video I wanted to show you, the video that gave this post its clever name. This video is the only known TomSka stick-figure video that hasn’t reached a minimum of 10 million hits yet, but I’m not criticizing Tom or any of his fans. If you’ve seen all the videos, you’ve most likely seen a recurring gag: a kid that stares at the camera and says “I like trains.” before being hit by a train. Well, guess what? He got his own video! Known as the “I Like Trains Kid”, the next video is a song about the story of our famous recurring gag, and it’s surpassed 7.5 million hits since September 2011.
Rated E10+ for ages 10 and up for blood, mild violence including trains, and severe humor.
(If you see this, comment “I like trains” in the section below.)
Like what you saw from this post? Go and subscribe to TomSka’s channel and check out more of his stuff! (By the way, all the ASDF Movie installments like “asdfmovie5“, for example, are all fakes. TomSka hasn’t released a fifth ASDFMovie video yet, but in the future, just cross your fingers and hope he will. ) And also like, rate, and comment to our little channels as well, and make sure to hit that subscribe button good, just jump kick it in the face. Come back next Monday for some new awesomeness when I’m now an age older!
WARNING! Before proceeding any further on this post, please note that it contains recklessly speckled spoilers, so this post is labeled with a “SPOILER ALERT” seal. Proceed with known caution. And if we spoiled the movie for you, we are 0% responsible.
Hey guys it’s Sam, back with a review about not books, or games, but movies! If you’ve seen that I haven’t been releasing much movie reviews lately, raise your hand. ************* I bet everyone in the room just raised their hands. Anyway, I’m going to review a Disney classic that I’m lucky I got off of my “movies I’m embarrassed I haven’t seen yet” list. Why was the 20th century just that one collection of 100 years to start whipping up Disney classics? Snow White, Pinocchio, the list is just too big to name! Could this be a pick worth your popcorn? Let’s find out. Is it Beauty and the Beast? Nope. Peter Pan? No, not that classic. Cinderella? That’s just gross. Who couldn’t have guessed Pocahontas?
“If you kill him, you’ll have to kill me, too.”
– Pocahontas stands between her father and her true love.
Pocahontas was that super-old movie that became the first Disney movie to star a real historical character, Chief Powhatan’s daughter, Pocahontas, as well as the thirty-third Walt Disney Animated Classic. This movie was a 1995 flick that actually mixed true olden facts with humor, romance, and even sorrow. But hey—history was full of hard times. This movie was about indeed Chief Powhatan’s daughter, Pocahontas who has been sentenced to marriage with the “extremely serious” Kocoum. She then finds love for the Englishman John Smith soon after he saves a young man’s life from a watery grave, who turns out to be from the people the Indians plan to attack. So it’s sort of like a Gnomeo and Juliet story. Or Alpha and Omega. This love gets accompanied by the hilarious acts of Percy the dog, Meeko the raccoon, and Flit the hummingbird. Seriously. My hats go off to these Three Stooges.
It’s a guilty pleasure kind of movie, since things slow down a bit throughout the movie. People break into song at unnecessary times without warning, the scene where Pocahontas talks with Grandmother “Tree Monster” Willow drags by unnecessarily, etc. etc. etc. Make sense? But still, it does teach you about Pocahontas, John Smith, and just how funny a menagerie of three completely different animals can make me laugh my shoes off. Pocahontas is pretty much a 81-minute social studies lesson. And what’s better? A soundtrack’s worth of amazing music, almost 30 tracks? Don’t mind if I do, folks!
2 3/4 out of 5 – Educational value – Some facts may be tattered over time and time again, but at least the movie gives a clear image of Pocahontas and John Smith, although they really did not find each other…it’s what was told in my social studies book. Historically inaccurate, yes. A clear telling of different stories, yes.
2 out of 5 – Positive messages – Pocahontas has divine messages that educate John about the use of the word “savage”, assuming that Pocahontas’s people live simply for a lack of sophistication, when they really use communication in far more advance that John’s colleagues. The youngest of viewers might be confused with messages like, “A man is not a man unless he knows how to shoot.”
2 1/2 out of 5 – Positive role models – Pocahontas is considered a headstrong daughter to her father, Chief Powhatan. He takes her words very seriously upon decisions, and the British leadership is not as kind or thoughtful.
3 out of 5 – Ease of view – Pocahontas is a good movie that suffers bland tempo decrease from time to time, with a hugely boring outcome once the credits roll. Good award-winning music? Yes. Romantically heartbreaking? Yes. All flash, no substance? Yessiree!
3 1/4 out of 5 – Violence – Two Native Americans get shot, one actually killed. Pocahontas’s father nearly kills John at the edge of a cliff if it hadn’t been for his daughter’s quick rescue. Much of the plot is about two warring sides: the British and the Indian natives. Expect to see sharpened and brandished knives, swords, muskets, and shootouts. There is one perilous scene with a ship on a stormy ocean where a man almost drowns. A song sang by the British ranting against savages, using phrases like “Their skin’s a hellish red”, “Dirty shrieking devils”, and “Killers at the core” will probably terrify younger audiences, and even audiences like me.
2 out of 5 – Inappropriate Content – Pocahontas and John share the main love of the movie, always taking time to look into each other’s eyes. The two even share passionate but steamy make-outs…twice! Another mature aspect is that the Pocahontas-John pair is quickly intimate with their body language.
1 out of 5 – Language – Lots of mean phrases like “dirty savages” and “filthy heathens” that are as mean as they get. The phrase “hellish” appears in one of the verses of “Savages” (“their skin’s a hellish red”), which somewhat says that H-E-double hockey sticks is a bad word.
3 1/2 out of 5 – Product Placement – Pocahontas is now the seventh-announced Disney Princess, whose brand reaches tall and wide. Expect to see branding on consumer’s merch, food, books, sites, and other media.
Smarts: B- (3 points)
See-Again Ratio: B+ (3.5 points)
Fun: B+ (3.5 points)
Entertainment: A- (4 points)
Humor: A (4 points)
Style: A- (3.5 points)
FINAL SCORE: 21.5 out of 30 (ouch?), 3 stars out of 5, 70% out of 100%
CONSENSUS: It’s a beautiful story followed by impressive voice acting and realistic emotion, and it deserves its right as a Walt Disney Animated Classic, but Pocahontas takes way too long to progress from sequence to sequence, and that’s when the blandness begins to pour in…
RENT, BUY, OR SKIP?: Rent it. Please. If you’re probably 5 years old, you could skip this off the griddle. If you’re mature enough to maintain this violence, buy it for your own good. It’s a bit of everything, with different opinions.
PRICE: If you’re really willing to take the hit, Amazon sells the tenth-anniversary edition for an astounding 31 dollars. But hey—at least I didn’t fork over that huge $79 price. Some Instant Click method Amazon has sells the regular edition for a quick $15. The golden classic collection sells for 83 freaking dollars! But its used price of $30 doesn’t really improve things much. Blockbuster sells it for a weekly rental of $5.00. Pick your price and stay with it.
IS THIS A PICK WORTH YOUR POPCORN?: That’s the question you may have all been dying to hear the answer of. My answer is sorta, because it’s a great movie and all, but it’s terribly slow and bland, is its problem. Definitely a yes to those three animals, however.
Well, that’s all for a Monday of Sammwak-ness! Come back next Monday for another sweet-as-sugar post here on Sammwak! And come back the Monday after that for our “2nd” annual Christmas special! Don’t miss it, or I’ll miss you when we celebrate hardcore!
p.s. Here’s our question of the day: These creepy things called Animorphs invented by a crazy lady from right here in Michigan named K.A. Applegate are now my most feared behemoths. What scares you the most? Respond in your comment below!
Hey guys it’s Sam, and I’ve decided to host an award show. You’re probably rolling on the floor laughing out loud (ROTFLOL), asking yourself, “How can this little kid host such a big show?” Well, it’s your votes that count, and the nominee with the most votes wins a nice Sammwak Award!
The first category, churned out in bed just past 11:00, is the best animated movie. And your nominees are…
Don’t tango with Rango. Gore Verbinski’s spaghetti Western comedy follows the chameleon Rango as he stumbles off his owner’s car and into the lawless Old Western town of Dirt. He carries zeal to become the new sheriff and the first good guy upon Dirt’s graveyard full of them. It just came out on DVD and Blu-Ray, it had its debut release on March 4 by Paramount, almost 2 weeks before St. Patrick’s Day. And good luck it did get with nonstop critical praise, and a #2 rank on Charter On Demand. Can Rango tango down with a nice golden Sammwak Award?
Feeling despicable? The director’s team of Pierre Coffin and Chris Renaud was too, so they drank from a rusty bucket of water, and thus created Despicable Me. Universal Pictures is behind this 3D adventure, as Gru, the second-most evil super villain (behind Vector, the villain with magnitude) inherits three orphaned girls as pawns for his crime of the century…stealing the moon. But he finds out that their love for him is profoundly changing him, much to his partner’s (Dr. Nefario) dismay. He’s stuck with the decision between staying super bad, or becoming a super dad. What’s really super is how much success it got, critical and in the box office. Coughing up more than $530 million, as well as 2011 KCA, can Gru get the final inspiration to finish that shrink ray with a shiny golden Sammwak Award?
This is the final challenge. The biggest of all. This is the movie that beat out Rango as the #1 title on Charter On Demand. It is…Rio. We haven’t had much animal comedies with much music, but 20th Century Fox brought back what we needed for sure. The movie tells the story of the blue macaw Blu, shipped to Rio de Janeiro to mate with a female. That female does turn out to be the bird of his dreams, Jewel. This mating duo works together to escape from the smuggling clutches of the cockatoo Nigel. But you know what they couldn’t escape…success. It was a bomb that blew up so far, they needed to make an app with the Angry Birds! (the chronological third, behind Seasons and the original) But can it fly far enough to catch a Sammwak Award on its path?
Those are your three choices of the best animated movie. Vote, vote, vote, and whoever gets the most votes wins a Sammwak Award! Start voting…now!
p.s. Toy Story 3 is also a nominee, but the stupid Poll-daddy mechanics wouldn’t let me in on a fourth pick. You can also vote for TS3 if you want, as well as others you enjoy. Just a clarification.
Nope, you don’t have cataracts. You’re not reading that wrong. The Muppets are really back to the theaters after over a decade (that’s ten years for you people who aren’t Harmonix), and it is as star-studded as a Muppet movie can be! The lady behind Enchanted‘s Giselle (Amy Adams), and the man behind the villain who fought against Gru with magnitude (Jason Segel), together as a couple? Your wish is granted! Chris Cooper, head of The Bourne Identity‘s “Operation Treadstone”, as a bad guy? Well, I guess your beg is answered! Flight of the Conchords star, James Bobin, at the director’s hand?…Do bananas peel?
This Thanksgiving, there’s a reason to be thankful for The Muppets. Another distribution at the hand of Walt Disney Pictures, not only with there be action, heroism, driving, and adventure, but as well as four new musical numbers, plus your favorites, “The Rainbow Connection” and “Mah Nà Mah Nà”! Here’s the info: Oil has been found under the Muppet theater, and oilman Tex Richman (Cooper) plans to bring the theater to demolition to drill. Meanwhile, Walter, the Muppets’ biggest worldwide fan, and friends Gary (Segel) and Mary (Adams) learn about Richman’s plan, and propose an idea to stop Tex: The Greatest Muppet Telethon Ever to raise a necessary $10 million to save the theater. But in order to stage the telethon, the three need to convince Kermit to reunite the Muppets who have parted ways. Want to know how they turned out? Fozzie the Bear is now a performer with the Moopets, a Reno casino tribute band, Miss Piggy has become a plus-size fashion editor at Vogue Paris–don’t get me wrong on this one–Animal has rather obviously become an anger management clinic (surprised? :D), and Gonzo a powerful plumbing magnate.
While the main human cast only stars Segel, Adams, and Cooper (excluding Rashida Jones as a network executive), the cast beyond is unbelievably colossal. Besides the Muppets, the cameos add up to a number bigger than the amount of licks it takes to finish a Tootsie Pop! Stars include Jack Black, Selena Gomez, Donald Glover, Whoopi Goldberg, Ben Stiller, and Zach Galifianakis!! An official MPAA rating is unknown, but it will most likely be PG or G…
So there’s something to be thankful for this Thanksgiving, as the film releases November 23. Smartly, the makers whipped up a fake romantic comedy poster for The Muppets called Green with Envy, coincidentally with the film’s release date.
Speaking of fake, the makers made two parody film trailers starring The Muppets, Being Green (Green Lantern) and The Fuzzy Pack (The Hangover Part II).
So, this is a goodbye from Sammwak, and remember that it’s not ALL about the turkey and the stuffing! ;)
p.s. Here are some film facts: Did you know that the concept of the movie rose at as early as 2008? The film’s working title was The Greatest Muppet Movie of All Time, with different same star-studded cameos. And it’s too bad for the UK: the movie has to release in 2012 for them…on my birthday! :D Kermit the Frog himself went to the POTC: On Stranger Tides premiere at Disneyland to promote his movie…now that’s what I call marketing! You’re probably saying “Pics or it didn’t happen”, huh? Well, they have a whole video that collected a measly 35,000 views…?