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March is simply the month of luck, greens, and greens. And especially comes that time where I can FINALLY give you another uproarious edition of joke compilations. That’s right, fellow jokesters and/or jokees. March’s compilation of Joke Time with yours truly has finally come around! (This is also an apology for my long absence. Think of it as a hiatus.)

Q&A JOKES

Where do fish keep their credit cards?…In the river bank!

How does an egg get to work?…It drives in a Yolkswagen!

What type of car does a cow drive?…A Cattle-ac!

STORY JOKES

A director is screen testing Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger for a film on composers. Not having figured out who’s which composer, he asks Sylvester which composer he’d like to be. Sylvester said he wanted to be Mozart. Then he asked Arnold what HE’D like to be. Arnold replied, “Ah’ll be Bach!”

A woman has twins and gives them for adoption. One goes to an Egyptian family and is named “Amal.” The other goes to a Spanish family and is named “Juan.” Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to the woman, who said to her husband that she wished for a picture of Amal as well. Her husband said, “But they’re twins–if you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”

YO MAMA – Yo mama’s so ______……..

Yo mama’s so fat, when she jumped off the Empire State Building, she turned around and gave Jesus a high-five!

Yo mama’s so poor, she has the ducks throw bread at HER!

Yo mama’s so fat, her BMI is measured in acres!

Yo mama’s so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sits next to EVERYBODY!

Yo mama’s so stupid, she tried organizing her M&M’s in alphabetical order!

Yo mama’s so stupid, she put paper on the TV and said it was pay-per-view!

PUNS – Lemons are sour, these jokes aren’t! SWEET!

I was aboard a ship with my crew and a bunch of root beer. It was told I was being so cocky they threatened to make me walk the plank. And when I did, before I jumped I asked, “Can I at least have one more mug of root beer?” The pirate said, “Of course!” So I took the mug and JUMPED! And I would’ve drowned if it hadn’t been for one thing…ROOT BEER FLOAT!

It was comedy night. All of the best comedians were attending a shot at the best jokes. The next contestant walks up to the microphone confidently and begins, “Crowd, I have a story to tell you.” Next, a voice out of the crowd shouts, “WHY DON’T YOU MAKE IT 10 STORIES AND THEN JUMP?”

Did you hear about the guy whose entire left side was cut off. Don’t panic. He’s all right now!

When William joined the military for war, he didn’t like the saying, “Fire at will”.

Sometimes feet and noses are built backwards: Their feet smell and their noses run.

I relish the fact that you’ve mustard enough strength to ketchup to me.

Greengrocers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, take a leek, turnip the covers endive into bed.

…………………………..

This would’ve gone on for lots more, but I can’t give away all the rest of the volumes. Come back soon for an April edition of Joke Time with yours truly! Lemons are sour, my jokes aren’t! SWEET!

– Sam

 

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Hey guys it’s Sam and if you’ve seen Cartoon Network, you’ve probably heard of this show. I’ve become a new fan of it. Like, really. I’ve caught all the episodes on-demand, and I’m willing to catch more off-demand. What time is it? Well, it, my friend, is ADVENTURE TIME.

This is one of the “new” shows introduced to Cartoon Network in September. It was actually based on a short that became an Internet sensation before it was brought to TV in April. If you don’t know what it’s about, I pity you. It’s about this 12-year old human boy named Finn who somewhat enjoys kicking evil forces in their hineys, and is skilled at all types of combat. It is a mystery, but all we know is that he was born from a cabbage. He really has blonde hair, but he wears an ‘awesome hat’ to conceal it. He’ll outburst and strangely exclaim anything he pleases, and is also bad at math, although he can blurt out stuff like, “Mathematical!”, “Algebraic!”, and “Rhombus!” And here’s the thing that makes me jealous for Finn. Since he ate this small computer, whenever he sings, he sings Auto-tune! Yeah, like Ke$ha! And the thing that makes me super-jealous is that he has a 28-year old (in “magical dog years”) dog named Jake that has cool magic powers! Not so majesto! (That’s what my eldest sister says to mean, “Cool!”) Along the way, this dynamic dog-and-dude duo meet characters like:

Princess Bubblegum, the ruler of Candy Kingdom and the love interest of Finn. Yes, Finn does too have a crush on her.

Ice King, the ruler of Ice Kingdom and the kidnapper of princesses, forcing them to marry him. I know, vague and disgusting, right? If you catch him sky high with his beard, flee. Or else he could zap you into a block of ice with his ‘frozen lightning bolts’! Fear his population of snow and ice monsters, but when you come in contact with his horrifying Ice-o-pede…nighty-night.

Lady Rainicorn – This creepy unicorn-rainbow crossover unicorn that turns out to be Jake’s boyfriend. Her horn can turn things various colors. Oh, and she speaks Korean! Yeah, you heard me. She speaks KOREAN, like “Annyeonghaseyo!” and “Annyeong!”

Lots more crazy stuff happen when it’s adventure time. Catch Adventure Time Monday nights on Cartoon Network!

L8trs, Sam

p.s. If anyone asks you, you didn’t hear it from me.

 



Hey guys it’s Sam and the second volume of Joke Time has finally arrived! Since I was fortunate enough to get the Captain Underpants Extra Crunchy Book o’ Fun 2 for Christmas (thanks again to Eneke, the eldest sister of my family), I have a boatload of new jokes to tell! Let’s get jokin’! (Oh, and BTW, the jokes noted with an asterisk (*) come from my Book o’ Fun.)

Q&A Jokes:

Q) Why did the cookie cry?

A) Because his mom had been a wafer so long.*

………

Q) Why was the mushroom always invited to parties?

A) Because he was a fungi!*

…….

Q) Why does Ms. Ribble keep a stick of dynamite in her auto-emergency kit?

A) In case she gets a flat and needs to blow up one of her tires.*

…….

Q) What’s the difference between a fish and a piano?

A) You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish!

………..

Q) What do you get when you cross a porcupine with a great white shark?

A) As far away as possible.

 

Knock-Knock Jokes:

You: Knock-knock.

Friend: Who’s there?

You: Olive Toop.

Friend: Olive Toop who?

You: Well, so do I, but you don’t hear ME braggin’ about it!*

…………..

You: Knock-knock.

Friend: Who’s there?

You: Acute.

Friend: Acute who?

You: Acute little boy! (from kidsjokes.co.uk)

……….

You: Knock-knock.

Friend: Who’s there?

You: Ada.

Friend: Ada who?

You: Ada lot for breakfast! (from kidsjokes.co.uk)

………

You:  Knock-knock.

Friend: Who’s there?

You: Ada.

Friend: Ada who?

You: Ada burger for lunch! (from kidsjokes.co.uk)

………..

You: Knock-knock.

Friend: Who’s there?

You: Ada.

Friend: Ada who?

You: Ada turkey for dinner!

……………..

And now….the grand finale jokes!

George: Excuse me, mister, I’d like to buy some toilet paper.

Grocery store clerk: What color would you like?

George: Just give me white. I’ll color it myself!*

…….

Ms. Ribble: Harold, if I gave you two goldfish, and Melvin gave you four goldfish, how many would you have?

Harold: Eleven.

Ms. Ribble: ELEVEN?!!? Hah! You’re WRONG, bub!

Harold: No, you’re wrong. I already have five goldfish back at home!*

………

Become the ultimate jokester! Make friends and family laugh! Make yourself laugh, with these dandy jokes from Joke Time with Sam Mwakasisi! Keep your eyes peeled for volume three in 2011!

L8trs, Sam